Suddenly feeling suicidally depressed

[intheforest]

Hi this is my first time posting on this forum, but i find browsing old posts so helpful. esp when i feel this low - there is nothing can distract me so i feel safer reading about people going through the same thing.

i have not been manic in over a year - my meds are working well. i have always struggled more with the depression than the mania - but this has totally sideswiped me. i have been a bit weepy all week but today it is as if i am ina tunnel or a cloud or something i can't see my way out of and nothing matters except how much i want to leave life. i am not threatening to, i have made that mistake before, i have kids and a husband - and i know i have to stay however much i don't want to in this moment. there are life things going on, i had a big surgery 3 weeks ago - though i'm back to my regular routine. my mother in law is dying. but still this depression feels like i can't move. i cannot imagine ever being okay again. i am aware i sound melodramatic but it is truly how i feel tonight.

does anyone else get this sudden crushing depression - and desire to leave their life - or life in general. i feel sick with the knowledge that i want to go - i feel so bad for my family. but it is how i feel. can't see my way through right now.

[Spewy]

Hey there! I understand how you feel, and it can get in the way of life but try some coping methods or talk to someone you're close to, search for what makes you like you can be happy with! everyone's different with how they cope, It is crushing when it comes to really bad depression and feels like you can never some out of it. I wish you well and I hope you start feeling better!

[Bubulous]

Hello and welcome to the forum.  I too have typically struggled with the depression rather than the mania.  I have just finished going through the exact sae thing.... no lie.  I even had an appointment today for an assessment in order to be re-admitted for inpatient treatment because of the overwhelming suivifal thoughts.  My belief is that the recovery time you had to take to heal lead to these suicidal thoughts.  Don't get me wrong, I know and you know that it was not the only contributing factor but as humans we must move (exercise) to get energy.  The only other way to get it is to use illegal substances..... which only work temporarily.