Tantrums

[livefreewithlove]

Has anyone ever thrown a tantrum on somebody and not known what happened until after. I did that on my boy friend. I yelled and screamed and him about amonth ago. I didn't remember much about it until he told me what happened. Iras shocked and frightened by my own behavior.  Have any of you ever lost control like that?

[livefreewithlove]

I was so shocked right after it happened that I called an emergency appointment with my counselor. Thankfully see had a spot open. I don't like feeling that way either.

[looloo141]

Its very hard to deal with afterwards isn't it? I find it hard to accept what I am capable of! I am not a violent person and I think its really ugly and not to mention the effect on the other person! I'm trying to learn new ways of controlling my temper..

[Nickeldoor]

My girlfriend treated me that way by trying to kick my butt few times. At that time I was awesomely depressed but yet diagnosed with BPD2. Now when u mentioned this, it just reminds me of my gf. Not sure if she's got any mental issues but I sure got one.

[livefreewithlove]

I did feel bad about it afterwards.

[NewAgeMonk]

geez...  my ex-wife is bipolar as well and she nearly clawed my eyes out once. It scared me ******** 'cause she nearly got me, too.

[looloo141]

Ohhhhhh yesssss! I definitely like to throw a good tantrum every now and then LOL..
My partner is soft and just lets me go for it LOL not really he just restrains me, which makes me more angry!!
On a serious note, I have nearly clawed his eyes out before..he said he has never seen someone move so fast as I move when in a rage..
I have been arrested for assault, I was charged aswell..
Luckily my Seroquel has simmered my rages..but I am always cautious...that side of me is never far away..
I'm glad you are doing better now..med changes can really mess things up!!
Hugs x

[Bubulous]

I love that.  It makes me happy to see somebody when they are happy.  Salvage this time and feed it by spreading it to people you care about or people who need a pick me up.  SO EXCITED!!!!

[livefreewithlove]

:) I feel really good right now. I haven't felt this good in a long time!

[livefreewithlove]

Got it. Thanks. I needed that. Just like I need a push sometimes just to get up and go outside. Even if all I do is go lay out in the sun. I never knew sunlight had healing powers until I felt it for myself. It's like a whisper from God letting me know he loves me and that I have the power to overcome anything with his help. Don't mean to sound preachy I just feel so good right now  I want to tell it to the world!

[Bubulous]

I am not scared of my anger.  I need it.  If I didn't feel true anger I could never experience true compassion.  That will make sense to you one day.  You may feel like a monster but if you look at it differently you won't.  What makes you angry right now is your understanding of evil.  I am going to send you a message....

[livefreewithlove]

My mom set me off really bad last night. Not really her fault but she was in a bad mood and decided to vent on me and her boyfriend. I had to go to my room and lock the door and hope she didn't try to follow me. Immediately after that I got really scared because of how angry I got. I scare myself a lot with my anger. I don't like it when I'm acting like a monster.

So what do you do over there if you don't have a job? Any hobbies? I like to read and take walks and go watch my friends grandiose play baseball

[livefreewithlove]

I keep track of it. So long as I keep taking the sertraline I don't swing as bad. It helps a lot with the depression but not so much with the mania. I'm trying to get in to see the psychiatrist but the only good one in town is booked and isn't taking any new patients. I actually felt good enough to get off my butt and clean my room today. It doesn't look like hurricane Christine came through anymore.

[Bubulous]

You are definately on the right track.  The mood disturbance we experience can be moniterd well enough to actually tell anywhere from a few days to a week that they are starting.  Right now because I am cycling at least once a week I can almost time my mania or depression but I just keep track of it and try not to expect either.  If I wake up thinking I am going to be depressed there is a greater chance I will.  Don't stop learning about yourself.  Even when you feel good write down your thoughts and emotions that night or the next morning.  My cycles have slowed down a little but even if I make it years without another, I still have to be prepared for when it happens.

[livefreewithlove]

Wow. Your depression sounds a lot like me. I don't want to be around anyone. I just want to stay locked away in my room and stay in bed hugging a pillow and crying. I called in a lot to my last job and didn' get much done when I was there because I just didn't care. I get really needy with my boyfriend who is the one person I do want to be around during that time. And I think about everything sad in my life so I have a reason to stay depressed. I have attempted suicide twice in my life. Now the closest I come to that is begging god to take me away if it's not going to get any better. I have been tempted to jerk my steering wheel to the side while going down a bridge.

I have periods of time when I get really anxious and impulsive. I followed my boyfriend home from work one day when I wasn't supposed to. That was right after I tried to lick his butt. I've done the following/stalking thing a few other times. I try to make people listen to me whether they want to or not. I have no patience and no consideration for other people's feelings.

Then I start getting irritable and start blaming everyone for everything. I'm not really all that depressed during this time. I can't concentrate on anything. I feel very crowded in noisy social situations. I can fly into a rage with the slightest provocation and start screaming at people I would normally care about.

During both phases I can lose touch with reality.

When I'm Yuchi enough to be normal for a day or two I'm pretty chilled out and I work and play well with others. I'm kinda in the irritable phase now. Not too bad today. Got really pissed offlast night and had to go to my room and lock the door so no one would follow me. That's pretty much all I can think of right now.

[livefreewithlove]

Sorry. Didn't see the scroll down button. Thought my comments weren't going through. Got it figured out now. Reading your stuff get back with you later.

[Bubulous]

I have Bipolar 1.

[livefreewithlove]

I have bipolar2. What do you have?

[livefreewithlove]

I hacve bipolar 2. What do you have?

[Bubulous]

BP 1

[livefreewithlove]

I have bipolar 2 disorder. You?

[Bubulous]

That is a loaded question....

When I am depressed, I don't want to be around people.  Everything about me makes me feel like ****.  I want to cut myself, fantasize about cutting off limbs, or just kill myself.  I can't stand to look in the mirror.  I can't stand people that I loved the day before.  This is why the 2 girls that loved me in this life called me "complicated".  I would quit a job if I had one.  I wouldn't go in and quit I would just not go in, not call, and avoid them at all cost.  After some time I would then go back asking for a job.  I did this several times at several jobs.  lol

When I am manic.  I want to be around everyone.  I start organizing everything, talking to everyone I see, talk down to people I think talk too slow, feel like I know more than anyone else in the world.  All of this can be going on at the same time but if I am cleaning or talking to somebody I don't like it when somebody interrupts my euphoric feeling or walks up and interrupts me, I get fighting mad.  I feel like the most beautiful thing in the world, I believe I can heal people with just my smile.  I pace around while thinking and touching each finger on both hands to the thumb tips on each hand.  If I hear something like a rythm or even people talking I try to look for patterns in it and touch my finger tips to that.  If I have nothing else to listen to I am either fantasizing or counting.  I get overwhelmed if I walk into a room that is dirty.  I will be able to concentrate very well and all sports or anything I do I pick up quick and can't remember how to do most of these things when I come back down.  

That is pretty much a short version of it, it may be more than you asked for. lol

[livefreewithlove]

To answer your question that I didn't see earlier I have bipolar 2 disorder. The low are really bad but I don't get euphoric highs. My manic state is usually either irritable or restless or both. I also cycle faster than bp 1. What about you? What symptoms do you have?

[Bubulous]

I am glad you cleared that up because I would have likely been stuck on that sentence for a while.  I read it three time then understood what I thought it meant then I read your other post and I was like OOOHHH.  Funny lol

I am glad he got to come home for Christmas I was in Afghanistan during Christmas of 2009.

[livefreewithlove]

Getting help. Sorry. Brain fog