Unexplainable mental breakdown?

[breakingapart]

Alrightie, I know I have not been on in a while, but that's because some bad stuff has been happening in my life.. Like, for example, I got permit a while ago and am about to apply to get my drivers license. This is a huge step for me, because then I get job, get my own place, and move out. Which is something I am dying to do. The only hard part? Learning to drive from the people who are not my real parents. The woman..oh God, I only drove with her twice because all she did was scream and yell at me over every little mistake--or non-mistake--I made. All she can do is make me cry whenever she does yell at me which causes even more yelling from her and its an endless cycle. I swear, that hag has some serious anger management issues. Plus, thanks to her, all I hear whenever I am doing something is her voice screaming in my head over and over again, 'Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! Everything you did was wrong!' I tried to tell her this and all she said was, 'Get over it.'

The man is just as bad. All he ever does is give me mixed directions (ie, 'Slow down! Speed up! Slow down, speed up! Turn here, no don't turn!) Of course, every time he screams at me, I break down crying and I don't even know why. Then, he went off saying how the woman heard my conversation in which I addressed him by his first name rather than calling him dad. I told him about the time he called me worthless and how it made me feel. He said, 'Well, you probably deserved it.' I have never been more digusted with someone in my life. Like, I literally could not speak to him because of it. And now I just found out that he probably has some type of prostate cancer. When he told me that all I could do was smile because then that means he could die and I no longer have to live with him. (I went driving with him on Sunday and it was hell--he took me on these roads he knew I had never been on before and was screaming at me the whole time, which caused me to cry and stress out. He then yelled, 'Every time I reprimand you you just cry! You can't keep crying all the time!' Yeah, I had to deal with that for TWO HOURS on the road... And they wonder why their real daughter doesn't even talk to them! HA! What idiots..soon, they'll push their only son away from them too if they aren't careful.)

I guess my main question is: Why do I always cry whenever they yell at me or even raise their voice to me when they take me out driving? Is it something I have to work on or should I just quit on them already and report them to Social Services? I'm really confused on it all right now, so any suggestion would be helpful.

[StarLuv]

i grew up in very abusive situations... that actually led me to leave home by the age of 12. it led my older sister to using drugs and because of that it cost her her life, in so many more ways that just her actual death.
     you NEED to make the choice to stop the abuse. you can't change other people, only yourself, and it seems you are wanting to do that for the better. just being here and talking about it says a lot. i heard something when i was growing up that has always stuck with me.  " no one can make you feel inferior without your permission" and although this is hard, it is extremely true. you need to take care of YOU n this world. and the healing of emotional scars lasts much much longer than the physical. Get yourself out of the situation you are in, no one else can do that for you Dear one. be brave and stay true to yourself...you can do it, no matter what ANYONE Else says. Believe in yourself or no one else will

i'd very much like to talk to you and help you in any way that i can, if you would be willing that is. please let me know, and take care of yourself. *Huggz*

[Health_Matters]

Hi breakingapart

I think (given your post) that you should contact Social Services and ask to discuss being reassigned to a new family - your anger and contempt for them is obvious and isn't helping you... or them.
Your driving classes are the least of your worries at this point. Be safe - be sensible and contact your local Social Services as soon as you can for everyone's sake? :)

P.S. "Bad stuff" happens in everyone's life - it is a part of the human condition BUT you can change some of it... it is your responsibility.

[Xila31]

I agree this is abusive. You don't deserve to be yelled at constantly or called worthless. I don't know why you are living with these people, but I can say there is help out there for you and you can get away from them. Emotional abuse is just as real as physical abuse and the scars are just as enduring. They could really damage you and your ability to drive and function by treating you this way. They are not only putting you at risk, but everyone around you because they're making you a nervous wreck! It is dangerous to drive in that state and it can cause an accident!

Talk to someone you trust who has authority, and let them know what is going on. Having someone to support you in this hard time is crucial. Do report the abuse and get out! You are being responsible learning to drive and wanting to get a job. There is no reason for them to treat you that way.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

lol I always like how ILADVOCATE's advice is always dead on and informational and to the point.  Well said.

[ILADVOCATE]

It might be best if you speak to someone about the abusive behavior that's been directed at you and see if they could help put a stop to that. Perhaps you could also discuss with them the idea that you want to move out and potential options.

[rBoulet]

Not sure if this is an option for you or not but maybe you could try and get into a drivers ed class instead of going with people you don't feel comfortable with. Drivers ed teaches are trained to create a safe and comfortable environment for you to learn in so that you have a higher chance to thrive.
If that's not an option then maybe you could ask a friends parents to go with you instead? You could explain your situation and I'm sure that someone would be happy to help you out if they have the time. Heck if you lived here my dad would be happy to help you, but I think the chances of you living close to me are kind of small.