What does my husband go through

[Jen813]

I will make this as brief as possible. I was diagnosed 6 months ago as being bipolar, and as I learn more about this disorder I can see where many of my bad choices in my past must have come from.  I do take full responsibility for what I have done, but at least now I have some closure and know where the compulsivity came from.  On the other hand, my husband has gotten more agressive, more verbally abusive and more distraught (he has physically abused me....pulled my hair, pushed me down, threw things at me, hit me, etc. as well as now belittling me in front of my kids by saying things like I am a psycho b-- and that I am stupid and if I would just get a brain I would understand things....or that I must need to go and take a pill so I can be normal, and when I tell him things I really don't think that he listens or he just likes messing with my head because he will tell me I never told him and that I must just be crazy...and I KNOW I've told him...but this has happened so many times that I am beginning to doubt my own sanity) with me as time goes on.  I am on medication now, and things seem to be settling down but I still have my days where I can't concentrate and get things done, or where I go off on a rampage and yell and scream and throw a tantrum like a 2 year old.  I know that some of the things that I have done in the past were hurtful.  I have hurt him, I have hurt my family and I know I have hurt my friends.  I am very sorry for all that I have done...and  I have been doing my best to try to mend everything that I've ever broken.  It just feels that with my husband the harder I try the more he expects and the more what I have accomplished doesn't count...and he always wants more.  I know I have been a pain to live with.  Do you think that the stress of living with me and my condition has made him act this way, and that maybe I should just try to do the best I can and hope that he comes around, or do you think that I should just find a way out of this situation now and that things will likely never get better?  If anyone out there is not bipolar but has a spouse or a loved one who is, how do you cope with things and how do you get by?  Maybe his reactions are just normal and it's me that needs work.  I just don't know anymore, and the situation is making my anxiety and my depression sink to lower levels than ever.  Please help.

[Jen813]

thank you for all of the posts!  I just need to find a way for this to work or a way to get out.  It's just so hard sometimes when I have to deal with both...sometimes it's hard to figure out which way is up!  Thanks again, I do really appreciate all of the support.  This forum has been wonderful!

[Nikki2226]

I am sending love and prayers your way!  You deserve to live a happy, healthy life, even if changes might be necessary.  It is normal for any illness to cause family problems, but it is NOT normal to have to deal with physical or verbal abuse!  My recent bi-polar diagnosis and all the crazyness that went before it has caused a huge strain on my marriage.  It almost ended last week.  Luckily it looks like my husband might be starting to come around to accepting this and letting me get treatment.  Try to find someone you trust and can lean on during this hard time.  A counselor, friend, or family member you can talk to could be a huge help getting you through this rough and rocky time in your life.  Things will get better eventually, it is just SO hard for us to wait for that time to come! But it will!

[triedeverymed]

It's seems obvious she needs to get out but if anyone had ever had to get out, they know that you must have  a plan in place. It may not happen for her right away, she may need finanaces which would require working & saving up. But being newly diagnosed and sick, she probably can't work-yet.
I think it willl work out all in good time. Start putting your plan together, go to your State Bar Association and they usually have attorneys you can talk to for 30 minutes for free so you know what your legal rights are. I was in the same boat, I know it took me 8 years to get out but I lacked knowledge. If I knew more and felt better I would have been gone much sooner.
Jen813 hang in there, we are here to support and listen. Maybe we'll come up with a good idea or 2. Something you haven't thought about yet. I know thwy say there is no excuse for domestic violence but you need you ducks in a row with a nice little plan becfore you run out the door. Of course if you feel you or your children are in danger then you must leave at that moment and let the police handle it.
Like they used to say on a commercial for the disney channel "the more you know".
Hang in there, we all should be here to help, not to make you feel worse. Big hugs heading you way,
Erin

[jen21287]

Thanks for posting that...I was thinking the same thing. No one wants to be on medications, but they are necessary. That orthomolecular psychiatry spiel is being posted under every question...

[Crystlas]

Uhh..  no you cant!  They are both serious illnesses.  She is newly diagnosed bipolar and needs to be under doctors care.  We all do , in fact.  Geezz... It is a biochemistry imbalance in our brains.  We are WAY above the stable line or WAY below it.  Meds stabilze us by correcting the chemical imbalance.  You do not have bipolar and it is different than schizophrenia.  He probably is not really schizophrenic in the first place if this  orthomolecular  treatment worked.  Schizophrenics brains are compleatly different than a normal brain.  Are you sure he just did not have psychosis? Did he have the brain scan done where the specialists saw is malformed brain that schizophrenic's have?  I am a naturalist and I take natural suppliments for every other ailment I have, believe me.  I have the worst form of bipolar and know that there is no way in heck I could correct the illness with hoopla natural stuff that I have not even heard of, and I have researched the illness up and down over and over.  I am sorry if I sound angry, but people keep coming on this board, with all these natural methods and do not suffer themselves.  I wish a natural method really did exist, but this is a serious illness and not something to play with.  You can not be cured from bipolar, ever.  You are born with it, you will die with it.  Medications can balance you out, otherwise we are a mess.  I am just a little upset because Jen is newly diagnosed.  If you spewed this to someone that has had it for awhile, that is different.  They can make a better judgment.  Besides she is in here due to lack of support and being abused, not med problems.  She stated that her meds are starting to work.

[Crystlas]

Hi there.  I went through the same thing with my fiance this past year.  He was abusive but not physical.  However, I have an ex-husband that was physically abusive and all the rest of it too.  You have to have a strong, dedicated, caring, understanding, supportive partner that loves you and believes in you.  I am so glad my finace and I parted ways.  He could not handle it and turned nasty.  I was diagnosed last year too.  Things went downhill and I kept trying to tell him that it was the illness and to bere with me.  However, he just could not deal and became nasty at me.  So, it was hard but we broke up.  Then I thought about everything and decided that I want a man that puts me first, loves me for everything, including being bipolar, patient, caring and most of all a strong supporter.  It is manditory that we have a partner that can pick up the loose ends when our illness gets out of control.  And it will.  Meds help, but things happen with life.  We feel our emotions to a much deeper level and stress a heck of alot easier.  We have to have that partner in place that can make necessary phone calls is you get into a dangerous spot with our highs and lows.  I have a self contract in place for my loved ones to activate if I get to the point of needing hospitilization.  That is where your partner is supposed to be ready in an instant to activate it and take care of you.  THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.  He has NO right to hit you, belittle you, verbally abuse you, hurt you in front of your kids or any other abusive action.  I would seek assistance in getting away from this man.  YOU MUST have a supporter in place.  This illness is not something to toy around with and you HAVE to take care of yourself with it.  God bless you and I hope this information helps.  BTW, I dedicated my life to becoming a social worker, graduated this past December, and by God I am going to help people like you in the profession.  GET HELP NOW  It will not change, trust me.

[Venora Moonwind]

Look bi polar is hard enough without being in an abusive situation.   If it were me I would leave this man and if he wanted me back he would have to undergo some extreme therapy and anger management before I would reconsider ever being with him again.
there are many resources for abused spouses if you feel you are fainacially unable to leave him.
are you in therapy? If not It would be the best thing for you  to help you deal with your past and help you to prepare for your future
there is no escuse for him to be abusive to you  and belittle you in front of your children. I dont think the stress of livivng with a bi polar has caused him to be this way.I suspect he has been like this all along and the now thaqt you have a diagnosis it is just something he can use as an excuse to abuse you.
I am jkeeping you in my prayers that you will be able to get out of this .
keep in touch.
Love Venora