What's it like to be hospitalized?

[RubyShooz]

Sometimes I'm so sick and tired of trying to manage my bp, with the mood swings and bad thoughts and all the stuff that is racing around in my mind -- I almost wish my pdoc would hospitalize me so I could just escape and forget about life for a while, relax in a hospital and have people take care of me.  No decisions to make, no one to bother me

I know that is probably an unrealistic view of what really happens in the psych ward -- would anyone care to share your experiences if you have ever spent time there?  Did you feel better or worse when you got out?  It might help me to get a better perspective on things.

There was a recent case near my hometown where a woman got out of the hospital after a 2-week stay and a couple of days later, she committed suicide.  I don't understand that, either.

Thanks,
Ruby

[Jester2005]

I'm do happy to hear that everyone had a good experience (from what I read - no attention span right now so I skimmed)... I'm jealous because my experiences in the hospital (once as a teen and once in 2008, both different places) were NOT good ones... though I did come out realizing that I'm a LOT more normal than I thought, lol :P

what I did like was the structure... we BPs totally need that!

[bipolar1958]

First of all Ruby, I can identify with your lack of support. I have a step-daughter and her husband who have disrespected me very often to my face about my Bipolar Disorder. I am unable to work becasue I am a rapid-cycler and have been hopsitlized at least 6 times. The amazing thing about this is that both of these people are family practice doctors!!!! I hope they have more compassion for their pateints than for me!!

As far as being hospitalized, I didn't like it a bit. I found it to be dehumanizing, but you may not. I did have to go becasue every time I've gone it was because of my depressive suicidal tendencies at the time (I have attempted suicide three times), and a hospital is the safest place you can go. If you are seriously out of control, talk to your Doc, and if you have to go, go!

[scochran]

Hi Ruby,

I actually have 4 cents to put in....2 cents per hospitalization.  I have been hospitalized 2 times, both for manic episodes.  The first episode I was cleaning and baking, writing business plans for company start-ups, and not really sleeping that much.  I was up for about 8 days without sleep.  The cleaning and baking were done at 2 or 3 a.m., I also put together a bicycle from the ground up.  There is a bad side to this also...my head was crammed full of thoughts that went so fast - I could barely keep up.  I was so paranoid I was hearing things.  My wife finally thought I had enough, and I went to the ER, twice!  The first time they made an adjustment in my meds, and the second time they kept me (for five days).

The second episode was not quite as bad.  I had racing thoughts, and no sleep.  Also, more paranoia.  I was kept for four days that time.

About the time on the inside....it is very structured, you take your medicine when it is due (I have always been compliant about that), go to the different activities they have for the day.

I hope this helped...

[DreaRomero]

Hi Ruby,

I have been sectioned before and my experience made me never want to go back. However, if you feel you are not coping and need some respite then you should definately consider it. The fact that i was sectioned may be different because I was being held against my will. I think it really depends on the hospital. The one I was taken to was not very nice and I was very scared. I felt trapped and i just wanted to escape which I obviously couldn't because I was a suicide risk at the time and i was not allowed to leave. I will say that you should perhaps find out as much as possible about the hospital before you admit yourself. You can also speak with your doctor and arrange for a CPN, (Community Psychiatric Nurse) who will visit you at home, (daily if required) and help you when you need support. They will be able to assess you and if they feel you are at risk they can admit you to hospital. I found that working with my CPN very helpful indeed and it is another option for you to consider. She gave me great tips on how to manage my illness and how to cope when I felt particularly bad. Hospital is not for everyone but that doen't mean you shouldn't consider it.  
I wish you all the best!

P.S. There will probably be great organisations in your area which also offer support. I live in Glasgow and have a support worker from a voluntary run organisation called GAMH, (Glasgow Association for Mental Health). She is wonderful and you usually don't need a doctors referal either. So this may be something that you could consider as well.

Good Luck :)

[RJ233]

I have been hospitalized one time. It was against my will. I went into a full fledge episode. I had stopped taking my meds. For me it was very scary, because I no longer had control of me. When you admit yourself it is probably better because you wouldn't be under the degree of watchfulness that I was. I was one degree from being in a single cell (not good). I was in a bad way.

I have gone through the racing thoughts, really bad thoughts, too. I had a real problem dealing with the bad thoughts. I didn't talk to my doctor about them, so I suffered with them for quite a while. Finally, I told him, and other problems I was having. He changed my medications. I was slipping to the point of another episode and I could tell. He changed my meds just in time. The day after, I could really tell I was on the brink, but the next day the meds kicked in and I could feel a big change. I found that telling him everything is better than suffering alone and it can be a warning sign.

The hospital made me feel like I had no rights, loss of freedom. In the end it did help that I was away from daily life. I think mostly I felt that way because of the circumstances of how I entered and the degree of the episode I went to. If you feel like it would help you, go. They can monitor you better that way, and it would help the doctor in his treatment for you.

Hope it goes well for you.

[lynnkay]

Being bipolar is tough. I am 51 and have been bipolar probably since a teenager. I can now say that I am doing pretty good and comfortable with this disorder. But, I went through pure you know what, before I ever got to this point. Back in the day, having a mental illness was very taboo. It was not talked about nor was there a lot of treatment back then. I too was told to pull myself up by the boot straps and go on. So, for years I struggled on not knowing what was wrong with me. I just knew I was different even way back then. Family and friends just thought I was this huge mess of a person. I myself thought I had all these awful character flaws and had a very low opinion of myself. So, for many years I lived in my own private hell. I could tell some stories of things I went through, as an undiagnosed bipolar all those years ago. Very unhappy and lonely times back then is what it all comes down to. Then, about at the age of 33, I discovered this wonderful thing called psychiatry. There are people that put down psychiatry. It is those that are still in the dark ages in my opinion. Psychiatry saved my very life. I have been hospitalized 5 times. Three of the hospitalizations were very good experiences. They were wonderful programs. Like others have posted, they would regiment my day, but in a positive way. We would have 4-5 classes per day. And in those classes you learned about your illness and ways to handle and cope with it. Each patient would set a small goal for the day. And we would have sessions, where everyone would say something nice about other patients. Of course, on a psychiatric unit, you are behind locked doors. Don't look at it like they are locking those doors, because we are all crazy or unstable at the present. I will put it in a way, that the hospital staff told us. Those doors are locked to protect us and keep the world out. You are behind those doors to seek help, comfort, peace and hope. You will make friends while hospitalized. I met some wonderful people.  That is when, I realized I was not the only person, that had problems mentally. And you will even hear stories, that are worse than your own. But, most of all these people you become friendly with, will above all else listen to you and encourage you. I found that in all three of my good hospital stays. And I was even able to help and encourage in return. And of course, you will receive some one on one therapy. And also, your meds maybe changed or upped. You will be monitored to see how you are responding to the meds. I did have 2 other hospital stays. In 2005, I attempted suicide twice...once in June and another time in September. They were not good experiences, due to the fact that at that time I was not insured. They both were very serious attempts and I should not be here today. I was keep overnight and let go the next day. They were more concerned with money, then they were with my life. Your doctor can recommend you going into the hospital, but you need to tell him that you feel it is necessary and why. But, you can also have yourself admitted. My first 3 hospital stays, I went and admitted myself. I myself went to the ER, told them how I was feeling and they admitted me. Of course, those times I was insured. Since diagnosis almost 20 yrs. ago, I admit I have gone off my meds many times. It was hard for me to admit to myself that I was bipolar. But, over time I learned to accept it. It is a part of who I am. I use to be ashamed that I had mental problems and was even in denial at various times. Remember, I grew up in a time era that mental illness was kept in the closets, so to speak. Since my attempts in 2005, I have done better than I have ever done. Not due to those hospitals of course. But due to the fact that I stay on my meds, I recognize when I maybe going to have an episode and I have most of all, come to terms with me being bipolar. I now feel no shame. I wish I never had this disorder of course, but I have learned to deal with this hand I have been given. There are still family members that judge me. But, you know what? Let them judge me, as I no longer care what they may think. You have to draw boundries with those kind of people. They still talk about what I did 30-40 yrs. ago. And I am now 51. I am not that same person. I was ill back then. But, you hang in there. I am living proof, that there is life with being bipolar. Counseling is an excellent idea. I went through one and a half yrs. of private counseling. Journaling is an excellent idea, as was posted to you. That is what I do. I love to write. Why this is so long...LOL. But, seriously you have been given some excellent ideas in these posts from others. I hope I have helped you somewhat as well. Please take care of yourself. And always remember there are people that care about you. I think that is highly important, when someone is not feeling well mentally. Come to this forum. It is truly awesome and many people do care on here what happens to you. All these posts prove that. We all are here for you.

[RubyShooz]

Thanks so much for your understanding and support.  You are so right, we must stay positive even on the darkest days -- and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.  As you said, some days just getting out of bed is a positive thing for us and we have to be thankful for that.
There are days when I even have trouble believing in God -- why does he let me suffer like this?  But I know he is up there watching over all of us, and we can't explain his reasons for doing things.
We must all hang in there together.  Both of you are my angels.
Hugs,
Linda

[Venora Moonwind]

I just wanted to say after reading all the posts that I am so thankful that I have had loving support and a good place to go when I needed to be in care.
I do feel srtongly that there is a reason why we are meeting here on this forum to be able to share our bi polar expereinces and hopefully help others
Sabrina I liked what you said about staying positive even on the darkest days I have always told myself to hold on tight cause this will pass and tomorrow will be a better day.
Ruby you inspire me with your posts to othere.You are so insightful.I often dont answer some posts because I either dont know eonough about what they asking or you have answered and nothing needs more to be said.
Love Venora.

[Sabrina316]

Hey Ruby! I just wanted to drop you a quick note to say HI and see how you were doing!  I'm sorry you don't have a supportive network of family or friends, that can make it tough.  I will be thinking of you and lifting you in prayer.  Don't let the negative comments like "snap out of it" get to you.  It's just ignorance.  It's not that your family doesn't love you, they just don't understand the disease.  Always always try to stay positive, even on your worst days pick a positive thing, if it's simply that you managed to get out of the bed and be PROUD of that accomplishment!!!  We are special in God's sight.  No matter where we are, how tired, how miserable, how manic, He is with us.  I am like the child being dropped off by her mom, knowing she is fixing to be left and she wraps herself around her moms leg and wont let go.  I have wrapped myself around God's leg and I am clinging to it for dear life.  I WONT let go.  Everywhere He goes, I go with Him.  It is the most comforting, soothing thought, it gets me through the really bad times.

It helps me stay POSITIVE.  Take my meds right, keep a POSITIVE attitude and hold on for dear life.

God Bless,
Sabrina

[RubyShooz]

Thanks so much for your helpful comments.
None of my family and friends are very supportive of me -- I guess they just don't understand how helpless I am against bp -- they think I should just "snap out of it".  I would have to work with my pdoc and do my own research on facilities in my area, in order to make a choice should I need hospitalization.

From what most people have said, it can be a good experience as long as I and my pdoc have decided what kind of treatment is best for me -- I need to know the expectations and style of treatment provided at each institution.

It's so good to have the support of friends like you on these forums.  You have helped me more than you know.

Hugs,
Ruby

[Sabrina316]

Hi sweet ruby!  I've read all these great comments.  I have been hospitalized many times also.  I like Venora's hospital in Oklahoma.  I like the piano, the ability to bake while you are in treatment.  It's imperative that a person with bipolar have a "PLAN".  A plan of action.  So that should you reach a point where you do need to be hospitalized your family/friends know what to do.  You need to check out which hospitals/facilities are covered by your insurance/medicaid.  Check them out BEFORE you need to walk through the doors.  Different facilities have different approaches to treatment.  I've used 3 different facilities.  One was a heavily medicative facility (I've had a couple of stays at this one), one I had ECT (shock treatment- I do not recommend this), and one was a much lower dose of medication, a fine tuning if you will, a determination of what exactly works, with a open discussions of how God factors into your life - unlike anything I had ever experienced.  I am a Christian so certainly I wasn't hearing anything new, I had just never had it brought into my group sessions, which were unlike any I had ever had before.  No bull.  So Ruby, the fact that you are thinking about going to the hospital is an indicator that perhaps you might need to be in one.  Bipolar wears you down.  Sometimes you just need a break, a chance to get your meds straightened out.  Do you have family support?  My husband (I'm separated now) doesn't believe in bp or mental illness, he believes in "mental choice".  If you have a good supportive family or group of friends, let them help you locate the hospitals you would be able to go to, check them out, thoroughly, check out the doctors on staff if your pdoc wouldn't be the one seeing you there.  Remember, just because your pdoc is on at a certain hosp doesn't means that's the best hosp for you.  Unfortunately determined2beatits comments were true, I've witnessed first hand.  Some institutions/hosp do douse down the patients with so much geodon, clorazil and thorazine when they come in that their nodding off and drooling in group, their zombies.  If you want to email me you can at sunnie.***@****  I will keep you in my prayers.  

[determined2beatit]

I had a different experiencs both times. I thought I would share them with you. I didn't feel like I got much help there. I was heaviliy medicated, I had bruises all over because I kept falling. I couldn't really clear my mind to participate in the sessions and all I wanted to do was rest and they would not allow that. I had to stick to the routine, which I understand,but all I wanted to do was clear my mind so I could think and go home.
Where I was there were many people there for drug addictions and all the focus was on drug rehab. Everyone fit into their cookie cutter approach and I found while the other patients were wonderful, the staff was not. They were abusive to the patients and as a former nurse myself, I spoke out about patients rights and from there on in they gave me a  hard time. Don't judge on my experience. Others have said positive things but in my area it was this way in two different facilities.
I will never go back there...period!  But, I will say that given a good institution,I'm sure that they can help you very much.

[RubyShooz]

Thanks for your comments -- very encouraging.  If I get to the point where I or my pdoc feels it's best for me, I won't be afraid of it.  Sounds like a supportive place with help not only from the staff but from other patients as well.
Linda

[blather]

I've been hospitalized twice (inpatient).  I admitted myself both times.   I wasn't diagnosed as bi-polar until the second time.   My depression had gotten me to the point where I couldn't put one foot in front of the other.  Psych wards aren't like "The Snake Pit" anymore.  They force you to get on a schedule, eat, and do things you don't want to do, like talk to other people and share feelings.  Fellow patients will call you on your BS, usually with spot on accuracy.  They will also be the first to point out your strengths, qualities and to cheer you on.  Micahel and Verona offer great advice.  

Hugs,

blather

[RubyShooz]

Thank you so much for your supportive comments.
Yes, I am still in therapy -- but mostly my symptoms are controlled by meds.  My pdoc does listen to me and makes suggestions as to how to deal with my feelings and thoughts.  

Your idea of keeping a journal is right on -- probably one of the most helpful things I can do for myself.  I write down the bad thoughts, the good thoughts, everything I am feeling each day.  During the bad times I re-read the good stuff and it reminds me that there is joy in my life.

But most of all this message forum has done so much to help me.  Knowing I have friends like both of you, and all the others here, makes me feel like I am not alone in this.  If the doc does recommend hospitalization at some point, I will not be afraid of it.  Thanks for sharing your experiences with me.

Hugs,
Linda

[Jikan]

Namaste,

I've been in the hospital 4 times, twicw for suicide attempts. I'm diagnoised with Bipolar I, GAD, SAD and PTSD.

My hospital stays gave me a chance to get my medications back on track (which I had either stopped taking or taking ocassionally) and gave me an opportunity to evaluate where I was in life.

I was in a VA facility which didn't have a lot of beels and whistles, but group and individual counseling were a standard part of my treatment.  It was a very supportive place wheree I felt safe and comfortable.

If I feel myself slipping, I wouldn't have any hesitation in admitting myself for treatment.

If you feel you could benefit for a supportive atmosphere under controlled circumstances, you may want to consider it. Others find it too controlled and confining.

Different people experience it differently. Only you can make that decision.

Regardless, of what you decide I'm sure you'll make the right one for you at this time.

Michael

[Venora Moonwind]

I have been hospitalized 3 times I call episode I,II, III Just like star wars.Being in the hospital enabled to get the right meds and therapy episode 3 I was so manic and schizoid It took me about a month befroe I cam to myself again but I couldnt have done it without the hospital stay. I have a wonderful hospital here in Oklahoma with a wonderful mental health facility.
Now whereI was at we had lots of group therapy One on one therapy.I did have to do my own laundry thoughLOL.We had a great kitchen and we got to bake and cook stuff. there wa day room with apiano and all three of my episodes there was someone that know how to play
We had videos lots of drawing pencils I drew alot when I first got htere beccause I didnt feel much like interacting at first.The more rested up I go the more I would participate the maniawould start to come down
I know for sure after episode 3 I would never go bakc to the hospital again becausse I had finally come to terms with the fact I am bi polar I fought it for a long time after thedx
Sometimes I have little mini manias but I get alot done where as befroer I would just start stuff and spend lots of money I didnt have
I have been stable now for 8 years diet exerecise meds and therapy ahve worked wonders for me I put them in the order of importance to me
Full moon I get manic sometimes but nothing like I used to I have held my job now for 10 years(thats a record for me)
I have to say my overall expereince in the hospital was totally worth I was kind like you not knowing what to expect but I knew I needed help desperatly and I had decided I would do whatever necessry to get the help I needed.
Ruby are you still in therapy? My therapist gave me tools to deal with mania and the depressio I was always more manic than depressed though) diet and exercise Keeping a journal when you get those racing thoughts will help you calm down and get your thoughts to slow down.It doesnt have to make sense jsut write as those thoughts come to you.
I will say there was one bad incicdent during episode I An older gentleman somehow managed to commit suicide in the hospitalI recall him talking to his wife and his minister and remember the hopeless look in his eyes. he was listening but not hearing. too far gone for the help he neede.
Now  you and me we know that this bi polar thing can be controlled and beaten I will not let it control melike it use.to
Ruby sis if you feel the need to go into hospital then go do it.it can only help.I wish you could come to my hosptalhere in Oklahoma becasue I know it would help you.
Now when those racing thoughts get loud tell them SHUTUP!! and keep on keeping on.
Love Venora