Whats wrong with me?

Hi, Im an 18 year old girl and have been under the local team of phsycitarists and doctors for around four years. I have had a few hospital admissions because of my eating disorder and take tablets for depression, sleeping aid tablets, and diazapam to calm me down. I have anxiety, panic attacks, OCD and depression and was diagnosed with conversion disorder around a year and a half ago. But i feel as though it was maybe a wrong diagnosis? I have looked up alot of information and i seem to fit some of the criteria for bipolar.. But not it all, its obviously hard to understand from an outside view and i just want to know what i am talking about if i am to question this theory with my phsyciatrist.
I self harm, ive been thru stages of drinking and taking drugs, I have days and weeks where i hate to stay in the house and i have to be out and about, constantly doing things, then i have days where i get so low i want to die. I attempted suicide a week and a half ago and survived, but i havent been out since. I have these attacks where i get really agressive to whoever is around me. I will scrtach and kick but although i know what im doing i feel i cannot control or stop it. I lose the ability to talk in english and will talk so fast its hard to understand what im saying, I speak in gibberish and the words come out all mixed up. I have spontanious outbursts where i will just scream or shout. It takes forever to get iformation to stick into my brain and sometimes i get obsessed with something to the point where until i have done it i feel like im going to die. I get points where i run around in circles, I cant help but giggle at myself, I find everything funny and i am just basiclly hystercial. But i always feel as though someone is coming to get me, I dont know who and i shout this out during my attacks. I feel the need to get away and lose control because of the fear they will get me. But with these symptoms, they all come and go so randomly and last for different lengths of time, sometimes i can just be having anormal conversation and a few words come out in gibberish other times it will last a couple of days where u just cannot function atall. Im really scared and I know i need treatment, its ruining my life now and i dont know what i can do? Does anyone have any similair experiences and if so do you know what this can be?xx

[ILADVOCATE]

That does sound like bipolar and aspects of what you describe sound like psychosis but only a psychiatrist could make a conclusive diagnosis. However they would be better able to help you if you described all this to them. I have schizoaffective disorder and have made a full recovery (read through my posts). However, even with currently available antipsychotics and mood stabilizers bipolar or bipolar with psychotic features can be treated. We have some websites linked up for informational purposes at the "welcome" page. As well keep a mood tracker and bring the results to your psychiatrist. They might not understand fully what you are experiencing and if they updated your diagnosis and treatment you could be helped better.

[geno203g]

Girl, dont try to commit suicide, i was there last week and its not fun. Be HONEST and open with your doctors, they cant help you if you aren't. I am 50 and just found out I am bipolar, fine time to find out. I have been trying to figue out "whats wrong with me" for as long as I can remember, I'm guessing that I can remember some things from when I was 3 so that puts me to around 45 years. I made it through that long with no understanding. I don't have all the symptoms but my doctor told me they dont all have to me met. Please, I know I am a stranger but please PROMISE me that you won't try that avenue again and you will please be HONEST with your doctors. You are at an age you should be pretty carefree about life and enjoying life to its fullest. I don't need to see your picture to know you are beautiful and weight is just a state of mind. I have tried to make my daughters understand that the skinnie minnies are just models and movie stars, and we aren't either 1 of them so live life and love life it really is great even though we tend to muck it up as bad as we can. I have lived a life of living and loving in my manic states and lately i have been living at lowest I have ever been. The doctor has helped me a lot in the last 2 weeks with medication, thats right I did say 2 weeks, i just got diagnosed @ weeks ago and girl I think I had a religious experience because after I found out I went to take a shower and I couldn't believe what happened next. While in the shower I started crying like a little baby and all of the sudden it felt as if someone started lifting the weight of my burden off from me. I do believe but haven't been the best as far as going to church but it sure felt like a set of hands raising all of the anger and self hatred from my body. Please keep in touch.
Gene

[adel_ezz]

you can't classify people as only bipolars, or else, etc... psychiatry tells you everybody is bipolar and everybody has a bit of psychosis and everybody checks things and doublecheck them but they don't have necessarily OCD, it's only when one's life becomes so difficult and you can't function anymore that you have to consult someone.

symptoms are interlacing with each other and only a pdoc can differentiate them, although my feeling has been that the patient is the best one to realize them. ONLY it takes time (everything needs time) so if you are a bit patient, with time things will materialise by themselves. it's boiling right now so when it boils down your pdoc and yourself, your family will be able to judge better

as to needing treatment you sure do, perhaps your pdoc can start by some tranquilisers to help you relax first because right now everything is messed up.

yes you should consult someone

as to losing the ability to talk a language or talking fast it happened to us. the problem with young age is that it is harder always to accept new symptoms, also that symptoms are stronger and this occurs in a multitude of other diseases. besides, always at the onset of any new disease, it's much harder until the body adapts itself and this occurs even in simple disease like spastic colon say, the first attack is the worst. so cool down and as you will meet a pdoc he will help you recover much easier than you think.. all of us has been there. believe me

[Mydreamweight]

This is is what my social worker said to me today. That if you were to look around everyone in the owrld then everyone would have some symptoms of something and not of others? But that doesnt make them mentally ill. Its just got to the point with me that it feels as though when im over coming one difficulty i develop another one, this must be my brains way of coping or something? Im just not sure?
Can you explain to me what you do? Like what kind of feelings do you experience and how do you react? I just want to feel like there is someone out there that understands?

Ive spoke to people so many times but because im ever changing hospitals or phsycologists i feel like im not getting anywhere. x

[adel_ezz]

my only advise take things calmly and don't panick. i have good news for you, you are sane and don't keep asking yourself am i getting insane or what. Insane people never ask this question because they are insane from the very definition of insanity, they can't tell the difference, whereas you feel something odd is going on. this doesn't mean you shouldn't see someone, no you should; especially a psychologist, and this i should consult first before seeing a psychiatrist because those have an idea about how things develop in one's mind before taking drugs.

just a little of patience. God created the world in seven days not one.

i do have the feeling that you may be mixing drugs with meds also taking alcohol and drugs can hurt you, you can never tell how much interactivity they have. i am sorry also to tell you you seem to be on your own, when the onset of my bipolarity struck my parents were around me and we go as one family to the doctors, so you should get your parents involved in this, familiial bondings make miracles. the onset of any disease whether pschy or not is a big burden to anybody let alone to a teenager. you have the right on your parents or siblings to be around you because this is their first duty