I know this is a pretty safe place. The few friends I have in here are supportive, when they can. Since I lost my Mom on Feb. 11 this year, the grieving has begun. Being bp, over the years either I did it or they are just aren't close with me, but brother and sister and sometimes Dad, well I am just not included. My husband is supportive, always has been, np there. Kids and spouses have their own lives. I don't know if they think I am ignoring them or if I am expecting too much for them to stop by or spend the day together. I'm gaining weight since Mom died.
I miss her terribly. I just feel disconnected from family, friends and even in here.
I did do something positive, I applied for a summer job. I haven't applied for a job in about twenty years....except a Bingo caller...lol...the first of the year.
I just want to want to interact not wait for those around me to interact.
I also attend a really helpful grief workshop and I invited my nieghbor since she lost her Mom in December.
My Mom died as I said in Feb. but we do not have the internment until middle of April and my Dad invited soooo many people.Even if I wanted to get close to Dad, sister or brother there will be about fifty people there.
Anyone been here? zzzmykids ...It just really hurts plus bp hightened.
I think grieving is always lonely because everyone grieves differently. The stages of grief in a death such as this will be different for everyone involved. Some people get stuck in denial, others in anger, and some just sort of sail past it. Some people bottle it up for years and years until one day the dam breaks and they crack.
Are you still going to your grief class? I know it isn't much, but it is there.
If you want to interact but don't want to wait, then reach out. Just do it. I know that's hard with BP sometimes anyway. But, you know, you're already making such huge steps. A summer job after 20 years? That's amazing! Just trying for it is amazing, Z. Don't sell yourself short. I know you're a church goer, maybe you could join up with a Bible study or something. Call your kids and ask if they want to go to dinner (or order a pizza or something, if you are not up to cooking.)
Don't worry, Z, we're here if you need us. With grief it is hard to know when people need time or not.
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