Would you call this a "Friend"

[DGWR]

Hello all!!! I Have been off the grid for some time now, my mother is on hospice & I am the only caregiver. To my question.  I received a phone call from an old friend who has been a little cold toward me with short conversations. She talked to me in length this time but what she said really hurt (but I guess the truth hurts).  She said, "Calling you is like playing the lotto, I never know if your going to be "Out of your head, looney, can't make conversation or if your the person I have always known. I want to talk to the person I know and that's why when I call and your not yourself, I cut you short".  I tried to hold back the tears then after we concluded the conversation, I broke down & cried.  Has anyone of you experience something similar to this & would you say she was a "Friend"?

[DGWR]

Thank You!!!  Very well spoken and Very true!!!  God has a plan and a purpose for me, for everyone!  I know the my purpose and I will try to full it as best as I possible can.  The Bipolar 2 I was dx with is for a reason and that's o.k.  I do like the scripture you typed, a good one for all of us to remember.  I have gotten away from reading the Bible and Daily Prayer's, this is no good.  I ask for forgiveness then turn around and do it again, I beat myself up for it!!!  I have changed so much from the person I was, I don't like the person I am today.  Maybe it was the Bp our a mixture of things.  I lost ME and I want to find the "Real Me" again!!!  My friend only can find her on rare occasions.  I feel sure, correct me if I'm wrong, a lot of us have lost our identity but God knows us (our heart).
Thank You kristimreed!

[kristimreed]

Yes! Our God is so loving and He is faithful to His promises! In Jeremiah 29:11 He said "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you not to harm you, to give you hope and a future" There is hope even in bi-polar and other diagnosis. I myself have been diagnosed as bi-polar among other areas. I used to hate it! I used to not understand why I have to have it. But the Lord showed me that it was so that His glory could be revealed. It is in our weakness that we are made strong in and through Him. Yes! The truth does hurt sometimes, and tones of voice can be tough. Sometimes people get frustrated with us just as we get frustrated with others. A true friend however, will tell us the truth even when it hurts. I have learned to give all my frustrations to Christ as well as when I feel hurt. I take  my medicine as prescribed which was not always the case. I find the not only do I need natural medicine. But I also need the medicine of Gods Word. I read daily. Yes, the mood swings still try to come upon me, but when they do I began to praise God, praise is a weapon! Even in the bi-polar I am able to teach others who have various mental health  diagnoses and encourage them. I am in a mental health day program and my peers often come to me for advice and encouragement. I live everyday surrenered to Christ, sometimes it is a second by second effort, but He does bring me through it. The joy of the Lord is my strength.Bi-polar no longer defines me. I am who Christ says I am in the Word. And so are you. Pray when you feel hurt, talk to the person you felt hurt by, and keep the faith. Hope this helps!

[DGWR]

I should loss my shame as you have, I guess it just takes time.  Really why should we care how others judge us, they don't know what they are judging.  They hear things about those with BP so we are lumped into a category of " watch out another one of them".  You can see it in their eyes! I can read ppl, as many others can.  I know what they are thinking, if I have made them aware of my illness. It should not matter at all. I hide behind making fun of myself, I did that before my dx of BP2, I have done it the majority of my life (makes things easier for me @ the moment & gives others a laugh.  I also have learned a Whole Lot from being wrong. LOL, it would be nice to be Right sometimes! Life experiences are getting tougher! We do grow from them, God has a way of teaching us! Do Not get me wrong, Our God is Loving that is why we have to learn! I like explanation points, LOL!!! O.K my thoughts are bouncing around, time to stop!!!  Thank You weaver71 !!!

[weaver71]

It has been about 8 months since I decided to not be affected by fear. I meditated long and hard on surrender, simple, unadulterated acceptance of everything. I don't like everything, something's make me down right mad, but I feel as though I accepted them. The process has been slow and deliberate, I have developed more clarity of the things I like about my bipolar, as I practice waiting for the more difficult times to pass. "Practice in the light what you do in the dark." I find working recovery, CBT, building accountability and support are especially important when I feel good. When I am doubtful and hopeless, I wait, nobody can really help me. Having a difficult period and flaking on clients, ignoring friends and family, these things made me feel worse, at first. I know who I can talk to in certain frames of mind, but I can't always see myself. My wife is blunt, so am I, I'd rather feel worse short term, to hear the truth and be able to control my behavior or go to an appropriate setting. I hated it, my kids saying I should go in my man cave, that I seem like I need to some space. Over time of being blunt, I come out of it and nothing has been ruined. The kids are used to it too, so they just treat me like dad, when I am balanced and present. When I was trying to act normal and nobody said anything to me, the consequences were far worse. Anyway, once I started talking openly about it and learned to not resist bipolar, I finally started having stretches of better moods. Not sure this applies, but this surrender is a part of all faiths and philosophies, "turn your will over to God," "Surrender to the Tao," expectations and attachment lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction. Acceptance and surrender leads to satisfaction, leaves us appreciating the moment, working hard, but happy with whatever fruits may come or not come. I found that if I am good long enough, no matter how I feel, it starts to feel good. The honesty weeded out some "friends" too, which felt bad in the short term, but has turned out how it should have. I'm surprised at how many people don't judge me, for bipolar or my previous ooiate addiction. I never recommend being an advocate to stop stereotypes and talk with everyone about it, but it works for me. I have lost my shame and found my confidence again. Persistence, never giving up, that's what really made the difference for me, especially after my psychotic break and my life fell apart. As a testimony, I am happy again, which I and my family had started to surrender to the idea my mind was blown forever. I love being wrong, I learn something every time.

[DGWR]

Thank You! You are sooo right most of the outsiders don't understand us!  Sadly they don't want to either!  I do not have a support system.  My husband next door will play mind games, I can see he enjoys it until I become angry.  I don't like to get angry because (I feel bad to say) there has been a few times I have "Gone off the chain"!  I try to be a Christian & not do that but I get pushed to my limits, then afterwards I feel bad about it.
Getting support around here is a JOKE, only when I go off the deep end & he takes me to the hospital. Most of the time that's the existent. Then the "Friend", she's so blunt, she knew I was beginning to cry but it didn't seem to matter. I ask her for support, my reply was, "Well one time I talked to you until you felt better!". The tone of her voice was another thing. I don't know, not sure how to handle it.  Thus far, I ignore her text until I can decide.
Thank You skibunny24...We have to hang in there!  

[DGWR]

Good to hear from you!  I do Thank You!  I do analyze everything, what was said to me is right but I did not want her to be right.  I did not want to hear it because I do not want to face the truth!  The truth is too painful!!!  I have always been a down to earth realist but this Bp thing has been tuff to come to terms with, I still like to think, "maybe this is a misdiagnoses"!
It is so good you have a support system, they understand you (that's a Blessing).

[skibunny24]

That is exactly how my husband is, and I hate it. They are outsiders who dont understand our world... And they never will. It is up to us to decide if that is something we can handle or not. I started today with a fight I had been actively trying to stop before it started, so I'm hot about it right now. See how you feel when you are in the right frame of mind for decision making. I did end a friendship with an old gf last year because of the same thing, and while I am sad, it seems to be the right decision.

[weaver71]

Just because the truth hurts, doesn't mean it isn't friendly. My wife has to walk away sometimes, that did hurt for awhile, but now I realize she is right. Mania is my central problem. It still hurts in the moment sometimes, I feel cheated by God, though I know she still loves me. I can talk and talk, like I'm talking to a bunch of enthusiastic grad students. Often times I'm just sharing ideas for the sake of sharing, if my wife needs to talk to me, she has to wait. She didn't say that for a long time, she just would just give me space. I'm not to blame, neither is she, but to pretend I was being myself, when I wasn't, didn't really help anything. It hurt to hear my mood was affecting me, but that honesty has helped me to see it in myself more, helping me to spot it myself, which is very difficult to do without anyone pointing it out for awhile. Based on what you shared, I couldn't determine if that is a real friend or not. Sharing honest feelings is not a bad friend, they have every right to feel how they do. I don't pretend I haven't said blunt, hurtful things unintentionally in mania, so I just see that we all have our moments. Be straight and ask, "did you mean to hurt me, are you my friend, despite my inconstantcy? I have found being open and honest works best for me, as I am not consistant enough to play pretend. To jump to malicious intent or loss of a friend, with so little info is a bit judgemental to me. I have had to learn to accept my reality, which hurts sometimes, but I can't deny that I play a role in it. If I'm manic and angry, it really is best to cut it short and leave me alone. I don't like it, but like my wife had to accept it, so do I.

[DGWR]

Thank You very much for your advice!  The "so called" friend has always been plain spoken but that was "Hurtful" and I personally would not say that to "a friend" of mine. It's not supportive at all !!!  It was cruel to me!
Thanks again!

[Crystal413]

Personally, no. I'm sorry you had to endure that from this so called friend. You don't need them in your life, it's very upsetting.