Youngest daughter now diagnosed with bipolar too

[amy728]

I think I am about to lose my mind.  My middle daughter who is now 9, was hospitalized four times when she was seven - I thought she was just having horrible temper tantrums for too long - it was too late when I realized that there was something seriously wrong - she wrote me a note that said "mommy please help me, I hear voices telling me to hurt myself"  It got progressively worse from there - however after 1 1/2 years of different meds, she is finally stable - she is on depakote, zoloft and risperdal as well as daytrana.   Well, my five year old has been acting the same way that my older daughter was acting but ten times worse - the doc put her on 5 mg of Abilify and it worked for about two weeks and now she is hurting her older sister - the 9 year old ( I also have an 11 year old who is just fine).  She antagonizes the 9 year old endlessly who is doing a great job of dealing with her because she is stabilized on her medications.  I cannot control this 5 year old little terror and I'm afraid of putting her on more meds - she only weighs 40 pounds.  I worry about the effects that all of this has on my 11 year old as well as the way that I act (very frustrated most of the time).  It is like constantly walking on egg shells - we cannot go anywhere without someone having a meltdown and making a scene, we can't sit and play a game because one of them is always having a bad day.  The thing here is that my oldest two daughters have the same dad but my youngest one has a different dad - I used to be able to blame the older ones dad - it just made me feel better for some reason, but now with the younger one being diagnosed - this is clearly coming from ME and I cannot stop blaming myself - I wonder if they will ever have normal lives, will they ever be able to have a normal relationship/have kids etc?  I worry that when they are bigger and don't have to take their medicine just because mom says so (like when they are teenagers) that they will kill themselves or hurt someone else...... I just don't know what to do or how to deal with this - our house is in a constant state of uproar and I need help.  I do not have any family and no-one wants to be friends with us because the kids are so disruptive.  My oldest tries to get out of the house as often as possible just to get away from us.  Can anyone offer any advice to help me deal with this?  I just don't know what to do anymore.   Both girls were full term pregnancies, no complications during birth, no drug or alcohol use during pregnancy - picture perfect until they were about 4.....

I'd appreciate any advice anyone has - where does this horrible horrible disease come from and why did God give it to my innocent little girls?? Why not me?  I took care of my mom for six years while she was dying a very slow painful death from a liver transplant and then took care of my dad for four years while he died from emphsema/copd - I feel like I have had my share of heartache and things are not ever going to get any better for me.  If I am so upset all of the time, how can I possibly help them???????????

Distraught and upset and frustrated,

Thanks,

[Delusion]

Monkeyc is right you should not waste your energy  on questioning why bipolar has come to you and why not someone else. Asking god why it has chosen your two little girls im afriad will not happen either. If you are religious and believe in god or something higher than ourselves then that is fine i both understand and respect that.

If your two girls do have bipolar then they are always going to have problems this is something that will never change and you must realise this as a fact. Sometimes it feels like its dormant and not interfering with your life but it is always there. All we can do is learn to manage it effectively and educate the ones we love about it so as to not intentionally hurt them.

I often regard it as a curse and i am almost certain i am not alone in that statement. Bipolar is an integral part of who we are and losing it would be losing a lot. People with bipolar are often very gifted and creative in a number of diffrent ways.

People who suffer from severe bipolar that includes hallucinations and delusions (which your daughter sounds to be suffering from in part, from the voices) have a capacity for introspection that can be surpassed by very very few 'normal' people. It has its advantages even though we may all hate it a lot of the time.

Now we need the answers to some questions in order to help us understand whats wrong a little better

Did either of the fathers have any mental health issues?
Have you suffered from any severe abuse in earlier life be it emotional, physical or sexual?

Please do not feel embarresed no one on here knows your true identity.

[therese83]

Hello

I understand your reservations towards putting your little one on another medication.

I think you should include behaviour modification in their treatment plan.  Could you get a referal to an expert who can help and support you?  You have your hands full and sometimes it is hard in this situation to see how small things/learnt techniques can be  really helpful.  Do you have input from a child psychologist specialising in behaviour modification?

[monkeyc]

OK first thing first here,  Bipolar is not a horrible disease - it is just like any chronic illness in that it affects different people in different ways and it can be treated - calling it a horrible illness will do little but stigmatise the child and make the illness more than it is.

I have never asked the questions about why did god give me this disease because quite frankly that's not my thinking.  instead I just accept that I have it and move on.

Bipolar is not something you get because you did anything wrong and it affects good and bad evil and saintly people - the key to surviving bipolar is education, medication and support. First thing you need to do is look after yourself, I would suspect you are suffering from depression yourself and you need to be able to deal with this calmly and go forward strongly.

Bipolar does not mean that your daughters will grow up to be violent not uncontrollable - I am neither and I was a difficult child.  With medication and education and management it is entirely possible to live a perfectly normal life with bipolar.

So here's what I think might be a starting point.  3 simple things.

1. Don't blame yourself or god or anyone for the bipolar.  It just is.  Yes there are hereditary linkages but its by no means certain that this came from you, as we do not know 100% what causes bipolar disorder no one can tell you how they go it.
2. Acceptance - Accept the illness is there and once you have done that it becomes easier to deal with it and learn to live with i.
3. Look after yourself first - your daughters need their strong loving mother to get through this - it will get easier and the best thing for you to do right now is make sure you are getting help and support via doctors and other avenues to be strong for them.

Things will get better, believe us.  And if you need to talk well we're here and we're listening.