am i bi polar?

[sherrigibs]

sherrigibs is ...[Change Mood]
About Me:Female, villa rica - GA
Am I bi-polar? I have always had low self esteem somewhat sences childhood and had problems in school from early on failed most subjest due to not listening and poor consentration  as early as 1st grade on .through high school . one on one was able to learn devolop low... [More] self -esteem I guess I learn to lie early because i didnt want to go to school it was impulse that carried into adulthood.I have had a diffcuilt time holding on to relationships with men. I began haivng sex at 12 for the fun of it but afterward felt dirty no good and trash . I have had many men sexual in my life and always felt like I was trash and no good so i wouldnt see them anymore . I have recent had a drug/ pill problem that was overwhelm and never meant to be I am not a person who would do things but somehow it balanced me out . I always felt the need to be smarter or faster than what i was . My moods arent balanced well. somedays I am extremly happy and other days increbile down. I can also be that way all in one day or it can last many days. i feel most people dont like . I can be very outgoing then other days so withdrawn . can cry for days. I spent the last 10 years on and off anti depression meds.I dont not balance money well I tend not to write down withdraw and spend when i dont have to feel good. The main thing I cant deal with anymore is feeling no good at not worth living but not understand why. to some people they would say move on and forget but it is me how do i walk away from me. I have lied and never understood why and have been hated for it but inside broke my heart because i didnt know either and lost jobs and people i liked due to being me. so in sort . i have low self esteem i get over nervous around people then day later can be ok around the same people. i am only close  to people i dont feel would harm me and seem to like me. I love people alot just always afraid they dont like me. I feel scared alot inside but not sure what i am scared from or about . i started a new job and didnt like walking by myself and very much needed someone around me because i was really scared to get lost a panic feeling. I am writing because i ned to get right and trying to find help with God and understand what makes me and how to change or understand the triggers of me. in short i feel not good enough to love based on things i dont understand. from the over lying to over spending to feel not good about learning in certian way then certain times i can to doing things on impulse with men. i became very scared i wasnt good i wanted to exit this life and still unsure of what is ahead people i need people not to hate me and i need real friends and God and one  day have normal life with man i love . because i never gave anyone a chance i was scared to get hurt or just embarrashed i had sex before i knew them. please help me understand if possible thanks alot . [Less]
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[FreeSpirit4Life]

oh i forgot after the letters were wrote I burned them man Icant stand typing i need 2 take a class

[FreeSpirit4Life]

I am and im proud of it because im me im not crazy I just feel my feelings more then others and I love to help people at times I have not been able 2 sleep and I mean only getting 30 min tops a night for 14 days I have BPD 2but at first I blamed people for why I was the way I was then I smoked MJ because it calmed me and shut me down in a way mad me feel "normal" but once I realized it was me after being on so many diffrent meds that was awful I finally found one that worked and for my prob I dont trust manysoI would sit by the fire and wright letters to people that hurt me or things that bothered me tears would pour or anger would fly I could allways tell when I was mad because my wrighting would get huge and go through 5 pages because i would push so hard dont be ashamed get facts it makes u feel a lot better look up famouse bipolar people google it Lincoln was and he lost so many elections but never quit until he got what he wanted so was sting lots of artists and mostly smart people were smart people even with all the hard times of life we have or havent had just turn your deck of cards into a winning hand even if u have to bluff a little to ur self to get through the day I have horrible self esteam and to fix that i focused on the one thing I LOVE until I could start to find another and soon the list getts longer and longer if u want to chat im here in the early am usually evening and day is family time and dont give up your not alone trust me im there  

[DLA]

Don't hate yourself for what you've done, just get help for it.  Make an appt. with a counser or therapist and talk throught these things and let them dx you.  They can't always prescribe meds and have to listen, dx, and teach you how to deal with these things.  They can also work with a psychiatrist to get you the meds you need.

The only thing you need to do to get right with God is ask for his forgiveness.  That's it.  Try to live the best life possible and follow in what He wants for you.  Remember that God is our loving and forgiving Father.  He knows what is wrong with us, what we can deal with, and what we cannot deal with.  He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins so that we may have eternal life thru Him just by asking.  There is no one in any of our lives that loves us as much as God does, He will do anything for us we need if we only ask.  Ask for God's guidance in finding a therapist and He will lead you there.

Hang on and work through this.  We're here when you need us.

God be with you.
Dac

[AshleyBaker]

Well, it's hard to say. You really need to see a doctor for them to determine what it is. You could have something else like social or personality disorder. I was diagnosed with ADD when I was a kid in the 80's. It was RARE for a girl to be diagnosed with ADD. Then in the late 90's, I was diagnosed with ADHD and PMDD. THEN, I went to a new doctor at a more reputable facility, and he diagnosed me with BiPolar II. I have mood swings. I am manic at times...I feel as if I can achieve anything. I am impulsive. I have 100% disregard for laws, people's feelings, and anything around me. I pick fights, I fly off the handle...I do exactly what someone tells me not to do, because I feel as if I have to prove something. I am completely out of control when I am like this. I can't control it. It's like satan has stepped in and taken over. Then there is the depression. I suffer from depression also. I have attempted suicide more times than I have fingers. I openly admit when I feel that way because I am afraid of myself. I have to be on medication the rest of my life if I want to live a fulfilling life. I'm not ashamed anymore. I am happy tho, that I have figured out what is wrong with me and am trying to make it right.

I was suspected of being bipolar in the 90's, but I wouldn't let anyone treat me for it, because I thought it was something REALLY bad and I was ashamed. Not anymore.

Reasearch BiPolar.....Make an appointment with your doctor.

Best wishes.

Ashley

Ps-There are different kinds of bipolar too....you may be one of them.