anxiety?

[Jester2005]

I haven't been able to sleep well in days, maybe even a couple-few weeks. To think of it, I think it started after I quit smoking pot. (yay, me!!) I've never known myself to have anxiety, but then I realized that I don't really know what anxiety is. Can anyone explain it to me? How does anxiety make you feel? All I know is that I stay up much later than before, with my mind going a million kilometers an hour with all the wrong things going on in my life. I've decided to try going to bed tonight with my headphones on so I can think of other things instead. Hopefully it helps.

[Jester2005]

Thanks bulldozer... I'm curious, though, as to why some people tell me that BP folks need an AD along with a mood stabilizer, but then some others say that it would make me manic? I miss being manic - I got things done when I had that much energy.

I'm not familiar with all the terms yet. Is MS a mood stabilizer? and what is AP?

BTW, my GP is new. We got her last year and we figure she's only a few years older than ourselves. My pdoc is known for being a pill therapist (I just found out) which explains why I can't talk to him about anything. Oh, well. I do have psychologist benefits at work, I just have to come up with the cash first and then submit the paperwork to get it back. Even if I can only go 6 times, it's better than nothing.

[bernie40]

I think you've done really well to give up on your own like this and I'm disappointed on your behalf that you didn't get more support from your pdoc or GP.  An AD is probably not the best thing for you (based on how it effects that vast majority of people with BP), you need a mood stabilizer.  The problem with ADs is that they can send you manic unless they are taken alongside an MS or AP.

I hope the referral for your new pdoc comes through quick, you sound like you really deserve a break :)

[Jester2005]

I remember my manic episodes, before being diagnosed, when I slept for 4-6 hours a night and felt wide awake and energetic. This isn't the same. I feel exhausted!!! I don't have the energy, nor the motivation, to clean like I did before, or play games until all hours of the night (6-8am)... I just sit here, depressed, with racing thoughts of all the bad things going on, getting mad at myself for not making the changes I need to do. Now that I've quit pot, my depression is getting worse... and my pdoc won't give me anti-depressants (which angers me and leaves me crying when I'm done with my 3min useless appointments). I hope, now that I've quit, that he will reconsider it. Either way though, my counsellor gave me a referral so I'm optimistic about that. I do understand now, too, why my pdoc wouldn't give me AD's while on pot. When I toked, I thought it wasn't that bad, that it wasn't doing any harm, that it only calmed me down... but now I realize that it just made me numb to everything that I was feeling... and it killed time, precious time. I would sit there for about 2hrs before work (when I worked) and zone out so I could handle my job. It'll be interesting to see what it's like when I go back, being sober. After work and on weekends, it would be, like, 4hrs or more of just sitting there and daydreaming. I could have spent that time doing productive things, even if was just picking up a book and reading again, or going for a walk. I'm so glad now that I got the motivation/courage to finally stop. My next pdoc appointment is on the 2nd and for once I'm excited to see him. I know I sound like a little kid, but I hope he's proud of me. Weird thing is, I wasn't even trying to quit - the circumstances just made it so, and after I got over the "mental addiction" I felt so much better and realized I felt like cr@p before and that I didn't ant to go back like I have in the past (when I quit for a few days at a time).

Thanks for your advice!

[LeftCoastChick]

Many folks self-medicate with illegal drugs, and when they quit, the issues they were trying to "tune out", come back. Pretty normal, especially anxiety.  It's also really common for folks with bipolar to have addiction issues as well. What it sounds like is, you've been going through a "manic" phase which can include staying awake for days. Then unfortunately you end up crashing and going into a depression. You family doctor is not educated on how to treat BP, it's not like a person who has a little depression. It's complex,  multiple meds may need to be added and/or augmentations required.

There isn't a lot a Pdoctor can do until you have started to deal with the addiction right? You are on the right course. Most importantly is, when you start meds, to stick with them. The more "compliant" you are - the better treatment you will get. If you become non-compliant,  why would the medical community be able to help you, if you won't help yourself right?

What's important now is to get sleep, and regulate it, the more you try the easier it will get, and chances of "bottoming out" will be lowered. :)
Keep in touch, you are getting there!
Cheers
LCC

[Jester2005]

I have BP, don't know what kind... feel my pdoc is useless... I saw a new counsellor and he was GREAT. He wrote me a referral to get a second opinion and I'm hoping I get a new pdoc. My family DR won't address any of my BP issues. I wish we hadn't applied for her (long story). But yeah, hopefully now that I've quit pot my pdoc will help me more. I felt he wouldn't do anything until I stopped. I only stopped b/c my sources are gone. After a week or so it wasn't that bad so I figured why not keep it this way?

[manicmary]

You really should consult your pdoc ASAP.  I do not know what your diagnoses is but the sysmptoms you describe where very similar to mine.  I had been spoking pot daily, just to relax and get some sleep.  It was the only thing that worked.  I knew I could not continue in this lifestyle for my job and family. I could not sleep or relax and I ended up admiting myself to the hospital (8 days). It was the best thing I could have done for me.  I now an in weekly therapy, on a mood stabilizer and take Ambien.  For the first time since I can remember I sleep and feel so much better overall.  

Be honest with your doctors and yourself.  Sounds like a manic episoid to me and you should seek help before it becomes a real problem.  Good luck