bipolar 2 and alcohol

[mopeymonique]

I recently relasped after 10 years of sobriety.  I've been severely depressed for months and have started to feel better in the last couple of days.  I'm more talkitive, sleeping less, spending online, so I must be a little manic right now.  I think I'm self medicating with the alcohol.

I am also diabetic so I know I should not drink plus the meds I take (Zyprexa and Prozac)  I think I'm in denial about my diabetes because I also have a problem with food, I crave carbs mostly.  I feel like a big mess right now but I haven't had a drink today.

Anyone else have this problem when manic?  I would love to hear from you.

[mopeymonique]

Thanks for your reply and telling me about yourself.  It is nice to know I'm not the only one who self medicates.  I've always said the same thing about my husband that I wouldn't be sober if not for him.  I hope this is just a blip.

lindahand
Thank you for your encouragement about taking to my husband and going to an AA meeting.  I know he loves me and would hopefully stand by me if he knew what I've been up to.

[Fizzy74]

Hi there, for years before I was even diagnosed with depression, then they subsequently found I was bipolar II I drunk to self medicate, I couldn't just go and have a few drinks, I would obliterate myself constantly.  I did this from about the age of 15 to the age of about 30.  I have found that when things are getting on top of me that I tend to overindulge again, which is really bad as the medications I am on (epilim, seroquel and venlafaxine) its a big no no.  I also find a few days after a binge I would be paranoid etc.  

I was do the odd binge now and then (I am now 37), until I had a bad accident I fell down a bank completely out of my mind on drink and have broken, dislocated and ruptured ligaments in my ankle.  That was at the start of april and I have had a set back again because I got a huge infection.  Basically that has scared me off drinking full stop, as well as the meds I am on I can't drink.  That gave me the wake up call I needed, and although I still have times where I am dying for a drink, to the point where I can taste I don't.  

I feel where you're coming from, when you drink its easy to forget and you end up almost being wrapped in a warm blanket, the only problem is what you're self medicating from is still going to be there when the hangover haze wears off.  

i think if I hadn't met my wonderful husband I would have been an alcoholic most definitely, I was going to work drunk, and it became a standing joke among the staff that I worked with about what state I would be in, its funny at the time, but looking back now its also pretty sad!  

Just take care of yourself, go to an AA meeting, I have been to one, albeit I was forced, but I found a lot of what they said made sense, scarily I could relate to a lot of it too.  

You are special, and this is just a blip which you will and can overcome.  

Take care and big hugs x

[lindahand]

You could tell your husband that you are feeling tempted and that is why you want to go to AA. They are supposed to keep what is said during meetings confidential - right? I think if you are getting help your husband will be much more likely to stand by you. If he loves you than he will help you. Because as things progress you won't be able to hide it. He'll figure it out and then the **** will hit the fan. Better to risk honesty.

[mopeymonique]

Thank you all for your replies.  I'm going to talk to my Dr. about getting off the Zyprexa and trying something else.  I have gained alot of wieght and it makes me even more depressed thats for sure.  When I use to drink before my 10 years of sobriety I didn't have a weight problem and I was hoping drinking again would help me to not want to eat all the time. I have the hardest time not eating at nite, when my husband goes to bed.

I do not have a support system except for this forum. I tend to want to isolate and try to do things on my own.  I don't really have any friends anymore,  I lost a few friends when I stopped drinking and didn't socialize much anymore.  I missed how much more fun I was in my drinking days and hated how boring I've become. I'm pretty shy so I loved how drinking helped with my inhibitions.

After being so depressed for so months my mild mania feels good, like I'm a normal person almost and I don't want to loose it, but I know eventualy I will crash again.

I've been checking my blood sugar starting yesterday and this morning and its in the normal range thank God.

I  too am a spiritual person and know the 12 steps work I just need to work them again.  I don't go to AA anymore and I'm afraid if I went I would run into someone there that knows my husband as he was big into AA. and my secret would be out and my husband would find out I drank again.  He has threatened divorce if I ever drank again.

thank you all again for your input it means a lot.

[looloo141]

Hi there.. what you say in your post is a very common with people who have BP. I too have had problems with food, either eating too much or being terribly underweight. During mood changes I have used drugs, such as marajuana, prescription drugs and alcohol. Every body likes a little drink occasionally but I have never drank very much or used drugs when I am well.
I don't use them when I am depressed either..it is always a manic episode or a mixed state that sees me using these drugs to keep a lid on things..the problem is short term it does work! I use them to take the edge off and to keep the manic symptoms euphoric instead of losing that high..for me mania doesn't feel good for very long and I soon miss my sleep and can't stand the concern of loved ones so if I numb myself out it keeps them off my back.
Well done for 10 years, that is quite an achievdment!
Has something triggered off this mood change? I think you.should see your doctor about this asap. It would be a terrible shame for your illness to ruin the last 10 years.
You are recognising your warning signs but the most important part of recognising these symptoms is.doing something about it. I'm sure you don't need telling that it won't take long for things to spin out of control and you don't want that!
I don't think zyprexa is one of the best drugs for people with diabetes, I put on a lot of weight with it, it is really good for mania but the side effects are pretty heavy.
Your pdoc needs to know about this recent change in mood and about the medication.

[FreeToBme]

Your situation is not hopeless. However reading your post I felt overwhelmed for you. You have slot going on, yet you do not mention any supportive people in your life. You seem to be experiencing some degree of mania or mixed state. My first suggestion is to see your psychiatrist ASAP and primary care doctor. You may need to monitor your blood sugar at home. When I was taking zyprexa I was gaining approximately 5-10 pounds a month, I was overweight and it was making me depressed. I would complain to my psychiatrist at the time and she did not take me off the Zyprexa. I moved to a new city, got a new psychiatrist and I remember him telling me he would prescribe geodon, dicontinue the zyprexa, I would lose weight and I would feel better and he was right. Taking zyprexa I would crave carbs. My weight fluctuates nut I am not as overweight as I was and I am not feeling depressed. I also take fish oil which is to help fight depression. At last, stop drinking by any means necessary, medication AA, etc. It is only compounding your mental and physical health. Mopeymonique I will be praying for you.

[freebird227]

My name is freebird.............I am bi-polar. I am a recovering addict of 26 years..........I have been on many a roller coaster ride. The depression...the mania..... the anorxia........ All and all I have never chosen to pick up any mood or mind alter chemicial. I know that once I pick up the alcohol I am from that point on under the influence of the dope.................whatever form it come in. The finding ways and means to get more. I suspect you are not drinking right now because you are enjoying your mania.............Yes, right now you are a mess. And if you don't do something different it will only get worse. I would get in touch with my doctor and let them know about the drinking...........the two don't mix well..Then I would call my medicial Doctor and get on a program for your diabeties...............You have a lot to sort out. I don't suppose you are going to 12 step meetings and unless you want to get sober.............stay away. Enjoy your insanity and I pray you make it through.....................I take offence when someone disrespects the nature of my illness......

[Bubulous]

For about 5 years I self medicated with pain meds.  It never made since until I found out I was bipolar.  I know you know it is unhealthy and you likely have more wisdom than I do about my own mania.

However, we need to remember to accept ourselves and use the gift part of what we have and fight the curse.  Don't fight it with alcohol, however.  I also assume you are good or great at something.  

I am very proud of you for having 10 years of sobriety and I would take nothing from away from that for this relapse.  It is, of course, an amazing accomplishment.

If I have given you too much credit I apologize and will add this:

You are self medicating.  It is likely knowing that you have diabetes makes you feel like you did something wrong or that you figure, why care about being sober when my body is going to be defeated anyway.  Keep this in mind:

You are perfect
You never stopped being perfect
Pick up an old hobby
Volunteer somewhere
Compassion for other will be given back to you as you will be held in great favor by the "God of your understanding" for your kindness and love.

*Warning*  This may seem too spiritual as you read it.  I hope you get to feeling better, and put that bottle down   : )

[livefreewithlove]

I usually feel like crap the day after I drink so I decided to quit altogether

[livefreewithlove]

Drinking alcohol defeats the purpose of taking an antidepressants