i've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and are living together. about a week ago we got in a fight and he left, saying because of all the fighting he didn't feel in love anymore and he needed to get his life in order and love himself. He has an addiction problem too, 6 weeks ago he told me he had gone back to drugs and wanted to stop and I still stayed with him. It has been a bad few weeks with him and I. Lack of trust because of the drugs and money problems led to lots of fighting. The few days before he cracked he had had trouble sleeping because of his body ticks that he will get, he wasn't on drugs he passed a drug test the day before he left. I don't kow if his behavior now with walking out the door and not talking to me is due to bipolar? he has never done this and has always said i was the love of his life (even the day before he left sending me txts that he loved me out of now where) what do I do? give him space or reassure him that I love him and we can get through this? is this something other bipolar people will do? I love him so so much even with all the problems. he will not speak to me and said it's over. period. I don't know who is inside him now but it's not him! help!
It is complicated isn't it. I have no real answers for you unfortunately, but you are not the first person to come on here with a story like this so you are not alone in your struggles.
I know when I am in certain types of episodes I push the people I love away because I don't want them to be drawn into my crasy dark places. I am lucky that my husband always sees through it and tells me he loves me. I have never threatened to leave though. I've wanted to leave though. But I am married and that is a little different. It is more of a long term contract. I made a promise before God to never leave.
If he won't see you there is nothing you can do except to wait and try again in a few weeks. If he has text you may want to consider sending him messages like "I love you - still waiting. We can get through this together" No more than 1/day. You don't want to push too hard. If he knows you are sticking in, he may come around. The behavior sounds a lot like bipolar disorder to me.
Is he seeing a psychiatrist? If not you should try to encourage him to see one. Meds can really help as can seeing a psychologist or social worker trained in mental illness. He's lucky to have you in his life - even if he can't accept that right now.
I agree with lindahand..these are behaviours I have when I get ill. I take things out on my partner and feel that I don't love him anymore, very suddenly aswell..sometimes it is because I am irritable with manic or mixed symptoms and he just bugs me to death, and the harder he pushes to help me the more agitated and hateful I become..sometimes I push him away because I am upto some crazy stuff and he is the one that can stop me. Usually once my symptoms have settled down I realise how much I love him, but it must be awful for him, because I can say the most hurtful things..
Obviously in your boyfriends case some of these mood changes and behaviours could be the drugs he is taking or taken before, drug abuse causes long term problems..but addictions can be part and parcel of an undiagnosed mental health problem.
I agree with lindahand that he needs professional help..but first you need to reconnect with him, and make him realise that he has your full support.
Please don't forget about yourself in all of this! You can support someone but sometimes there is a limit, you need to make sure that things don't get too much.
Good luck and keep us posted :)
well, he finally txted yesterday to ask when was a good time he could come back and get the rest of his stuff. I then called and he forwarded me to voicemail, so i txted back and said i would have to let him know. After a little while I txted him a couple of dates and times and he hasn't responded to them in anyway. I don't know if he just can't make those dates and doesn't want to be nice to me by telling me he can't because he doesn't want me to think there is any hope. or, he was just feeling it out and now it seems real. I don't want him to think i am desperate, he knows i want him back. i'm confused and sad cause i have no idea what he is thinking :(
i am sorry that things are not working out well for you. Your situation may need a lot of care and love ... especially he has so much to overcome. But if you really love him, try seeking external help like a family counsellor or drug therapist. After all your episodes, I assume it is hard to overcome together.. but if you both love each other very much, you both would find some help externally either through friends/family/relatives..
Hopefully you two could talk it out together but make sure you don't judge or criticize.
I agree with nickeldoor, if this is meant to be you will both find a way.
He knows how you feel, he knows you are still there for him now, so don't be worrying about him feeling alone, you can't do much more at the moment.
I would now try and work on yourself a bit. Don't forget your mental health in all of this, like you said you don't want to appear desperate, so try to think of doing things to make you happy, take your mind off things, let him come to you, I think you would feel better if he asked for your help instead of you offering it and him ignoring it. It sounds like he is not ready to face things just yet, but he will sooner or later. I hope everything starts improving soon!
talked with his mom today.....she said yesterday he got in a GIANT fight with his sister (in public) screaming, yelling calling her terrible terrible names. his sister is also bipolar so she can dish it out too! then for this or that reason called his mother to tell her he hated her and she wasn't his mother anymore, again screaming and swearing at her the entire time. She is hurt but this isn't the 1st time he has done this to her. Is all this typical of bipolar?!?! to self destruct like this? he clearly loves his mom but sometimes he has acted like this. can a manic episode last for over a week if that is whats going on now? or is it just the ups and downs. this disease *****!
After reading your last post, I am pretty sure what he has is Bipolar, especially because of the genetic link in the family..
I used to be very resentful and angry at my sibling and parents when I was younger, it often came out in the worse possible ways, like how you're describing.
I used to do it mostly as a cry for help.. It was like " somebody help me! " but came out as " I hate you, you don't love me, **** off! " I used to feel like the burden, the disappointment..I kind of grew out of it but I was about 22 when I did! I still have very self destructive behaviours though..
Did his Mom have any suggestions? With having a Bipolar daughter she might be able to persuade him into getting help, although he needs to calm down before anyone will be able to get through to him..
A manic episode can definitely last longer than a week, the criteria for Manic Depression states that a manic episode must last longer than a week to be classed as a full manic episode. I think he is looking at his Mother and wanting to blame her for what he is feeling right now, it's wrong and totally unfair of him but it's quite a normal response.
I hope you can all find a way of getting through to him!
I get like this also. I walked away from my ex wife, which I regret and struggle to cope with. Currently I am beginning to do the same with my current girl friend. I fight it daily. Damn I feel mixed up.
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