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bipolar boyfriend

My boyfriend was very into me in the beginning. Then he began to get angry about everything and he also began to call me names everyday along with yelling in my face.  He would then apologize saying he doesn't know why he does those things. The next day he would blame me for the things he said  and did to me. He says I never loved him and that no one does and he wants to die.  Could he possibly be bipolar?
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Avatar universal
Thank you for the input very insightful.  I didn't know what to think of the situation. I guess I was feeling that dealing with my kids and the changes that came with our relationship was too much stress for him so at times I felt at fault. I really hope he gets well. I have to look out for my boys and myself.
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Avatar universal
If he is constantly referring back to his head trauma, it sounds like he is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) besides alcoholism, from what you said in the post. If he can drive a truck without getting into driving hazards, it doesn't sound like he is not high functioning or have terrible brain injury that physically ruined his life as he said. Two months spent in a hospital with head trauma is an awfully long time, so it was pretty serious, and If it happened awhile back and he is stuck in a rut without much movement and saying his life is over are big problems. I know people with head injuries, they usually get emotional support and therapy to help them deal with going through the trauma and adjusting. Most of them have a difficult time. Yes, there sounds depression, and it also sounds like he hasn't moved on from being a victim.

He really has to come to realize this, and if he doesn't, he is stuck there without change. I know it is hard to watch someone who is close to you and you care about take that kind of road. I know how heartbreaking it is. If he cannot help himself and he is dragging you and your family down, it is a hard decision to do something good and positive to overcome a bad situation, and it is definitely feels tumultuous and feels terrible when you have to let go. I know i wondered if I was a cold and selfish person for having to do that at the time, but I also know I wasn't because I loved, cared and worried. Even people who know how to handle situations like that and help people in situations like that, seek help and don't try to fix things by themselves, because how we feel about things can give us a blind eye and can even confuse us because those strong emotions, fears, and concerns are there to cloud and make it hard to feel the best decision for you and your family.

There is nothing wrong with hoping, caring, and praying things will change for him, while feeling helpless about what he is going through. The good that can come out of you helping yourself and your sons live and breathe in a more nurturing and less oppressive environment inside and out will start dripping in and usually makes a big impact in doing more good in so many ways. Allowing that to happen may even make an impact on him in a good way.  

You can look up on the internet to find support to help you go through this. There are organizations out there with women who had to deal with the same kind of issues and have insight and very good practical things to do as well as emotional support. Most people feel totally closed in, shut off and very alone in dealing with it, There are times when you also have to think about safety. It opens your window and space a little bit more and having support from people who been there is so great to have,

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Avatar universal
I know how it feels, but think about it, you were already miserable, that is why you posted here. Something we say in addiction recovery is, "Nothing changes if nothing changes." It seems like you have to choose between being miserable, trying the same things over and over, expecting different results, or be miserable, making a change that at least brings hope of improvement. It is always a hard thing, to choose which options sukks less, but moving on will give you the potential to end the misery, no guarantee, but the odds are better than doing the same thing. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but I am glad you are, nobody should have be treated poorly in their own home.
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Thank you weaver. This makes me miserable. He lives with his aunt now so I believe its best I do grieve and move on. Thanks
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Avatar universal
I have to say, if he is in denial that there is a problem and doesn't think anyone can help with the issue he is admitting, I fear you are in for a rough ride. I know it is hard, especially with those kids, but I sure wish my dad would've left sooner. Listening to the fights, accusations, and just feeling the negative vibe in the room all the time is hard on a kid, or it was hard on me. I found it better to cry about the loss and move on, rather than make that man's problems ours. Being with an abusive person may feel easier at the time, but once you are away from them, you realize it was fear that motivated, not love for the one who is abusive. I'd say get out of there or kick him out, maybe not forever, but until he is willing to own his own shortcomings.
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Says therapists try to get in on your head and he s not about to talk to a stranger. Says he won't take pills or anything because nothing is wrong with him. He stated earlier that he is in a dark place and wants to drink himself to death. Too much for me to handle.
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He sounds really depressed, and his anger sounds like it comes from his head injury since you said he talks about it all the time, so he's directing all of his anger about it at you, which isn't fair. Is he willing to see a therapist? You shouldn't have to take such abuse! He needs to resolve his issues on his own.
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Thank you everyone for your input. I am a 33 yr old single mom of 5 boys. I guess the fear of being alone is a major reason I put up with this but I must agree its not healthy for me or my children.
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No. I met him twenty years after the trauma. Its all he talks about. He is always depressed saying he wish he would have died that day. He sits in a room all day at his aunts house. He refuses to work and says the world controls his life and wants to see him fail.  I care about him. I don't know how to read into this. He loves me then he hates me.
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Were you with him before his head trauma?
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Well, it could possibly be from head trauma, but it really is not an acceptable behavior to be verbally abusive and hurt people like what he is doing to you. And sorry for him, but it is his problem since it is coming from him and he has to come to terms with himself about that to change things.

I think the relationship dynamic is overwhelming for both of you and I think it is a smart move to separate yourselves from each other, especially since it is intense and unstable, and there definitely are limitations and boundaries that get blurred here. It's abusive not only to you but to your kids. It doesn't sound like there is a positive and real effort to actually change things, and personally, I don't think abuse should be tolerated...even when there is mental illness involved, because it cycles, becomes accepted as "okay" and it has repercussions that echo to others, especially children, all around, The apologies are part of the abuse cycle. So is the getting back together over and over, forgiving, "slips", sacrifice, and "trial phase." There's a bad trend here that has a lot of red flags.

I think it would be a good idea to help yourself, get some support and counseling so that your life and your family doesn't sink into a life situation that is not going to serve you well or give you a chance to your own well being and happiness. Think of yourself as someone who is your best friend and what you would tell her to do if you saw what she is going through. Also, it is hard to save a drowning man when he can't see that he is drowning or the fact that he doesn't know how to swim, accept help or pay attention to instructions. At the same time, if you can't swim, it wouldn't be a good idea to get in the water with him and become a casualty yourself.



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Avatar universal
I'm very concerned he says he has no problems and that its me.  I have decided to let him go after he told me that I am nothing but a **** and will always be one. I figured maybe the fact that he was beaten in the head and hospitalized for two months maybe he could have a mental problem as a result of his head trauma.
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Nothing about this specifically says bipolar disorder.  It sounds to me like an abusive personality.  There can be some underlying issues, but unless there is a true concern about these behaviors on his part, nothing's going to change/be fixed.
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Thank you weaver. Also he has dumped me twice then begged me back. When I take him back he flips again and yes I believe there is resent because he sold his car to help me support my kids.
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Avatar universal
He could be, or he could have some emotional issues, resentments, bad thought habits, drug addiction, so many things can cause this kind of behavior. If he is concerned as you are, then I would suggest he go see a therapist who knows about the Mentally Interesting. If he is not as concerned as you, then I would not live like that. If he is bipolar, or any other form of unique mindedness, then it will be a lot of work to be in a relationship, even if he does try. If he doesn't see that he needs help, then I do not believe it would be a healthy path for anyone to deal with daily anger and remorse, over and over, ignoring that there is a problem.
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