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black or white

does anyone have this problem with religion ???? with me it is either black or white when i am manic i am to the point of being fanactical and when depressed feel nothing but guilt and condemnation that i am not believeing enough... which leaves me with such fear of god... death  etc...when i am what i call at a stable point i can look at things in a realistic view...and realize that it is ridiculous to think either way  and put things into perspective..... i was damaged by religion earlier by charasmatic believers that told me i was possessed which scared the heck out of me...making me feel i was not believing hard enough....and my love for god was not strong enough.....coming from a very abusive family i myself have to question love...i do believe in god...i guess i question my love for him or his love for me for believing the way i do...it seems when i search religion for any answers it only makes me feel more depressed and guity....i guess it goes without saying i am in a confused state right now.  i know i need therapy and go to a therapist...the problem is i am in a different state of mind depending on where my illness is at the time...anyone have any advice???
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Avatar universal
I have ranted and raged about this in another question you had posed then sent them to the wrong people.  Obviously I wish I could take them back.  That not being possible, this I will say.
Peace comes with knowledge and knowledge, true knowledge comes from God.
I don't believe in black or white but I do believe absolute truth sets you free.
God made you, yes you have bp, and He will use it to bring glory to Him if you allow it.
He is not mean, overbearing, causing the evil in this world.  He gives us freewill to make the choices we will make.
Hopefully you will understand God loves you and wants a personal relationship with Him through His Son Jesus Christ.
I don't show a good witness for you to see His love, often but I have been clear to the dark side and back.  I prefer knowing no matter where I find myself, He is with me.
zzzmykids
Helpful - 0
574118 tn?1305135284
I agree with aadel, people with BP tend to see life as well as other people either good or bad. Not necessarily religion only. They tend to be more of an idealistic nature. Had they been of a flexible type personality they wouldn't have fallen ill from start. But there are some good news also about God, is that for people with mental disorders or generally ill they are not sanctioned or punished and this exists in all religions.  

About being haunted or possessed, it took my parents quite a while to get convinced that it's the chemistry which is wrong in my brain and not the devil in me especially at times of mania. Although both of my parents are well educated yet one of them was on the brink of fetching for an exorcist one day to get the devil out of me. History is plenty of such stories, so we are lucky to live in this era when science was able to explain this phenomena.

I would suggest you talk to a therapist. Besides God surely loves you. It's enough that you think of him. BP is not a curse, especially that in recovery periods you tend to enjoy life and appreciate the nice things in it more than the "normal" people.    
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Religious study has been a part of my life and college education for some time.  Religion is a tool to promote worship and growth; not feelings of fear, guilt or lack of self worth.  Run from any churches that promote that.
God does love you.  I have found for me that being bipolar was the ultimate selfish disease.  When I am truly manic or really depressed, I cant think about anything except myself.  Now I do not say that as a cognitive response....we do not do that on purpose but I say it as a result of this horrible fate we find ourself with.  With proper medication and treatment, I know find I can live much more effective for others....my spouse, children, friends...etc.  True, I miss my mania sometimes but I dont miss hurting others and myself in the process.  I like my new selfless way of living and that is what it should be all about anyway....shouldnt it?  At least to some degree.........
Helpful - 0
674607 tn?1240017232
Quote from glory 333:  "with me it is either black or white when i am manic i am to the point of being fanactical and when depressed feel nothing but guilt and condemnation that i am not believeing enough... which leaves me with such fear of god... death  etc..."

Many religions have this black-and-white problem, too. Either heaven or hell. god or demons, virtue or sin.  This kind of thinking is typical of BP and Borderline.  So these religions are themselves suffering from a mental disorder.

Quote from glory333:  "i was damaged by religion earlier by charasmatic believers that told me i was possessed which scared the heck out of me...making me feel i was not believing hard enough....and my love for god was not strong enough...."

Yup, that's the hallmark of old-time religion:  Scare everyone into believing and donating.  

We need to take care not to get roped in by judgmental, narrow-minded hellfire-and- brimstone preachers.  They can only add to our problems...and if that is what your religion does, you're sure as hellfire in the wrong crowd.

Time to look around and discover the difference between radical religion, which coerces and condemns, and true spirituality, which understands the frailty of the human mind and character and seeks to strengthen us in our quest to live the best life we can.
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Avatar universal
thank you germur for your response i see that you did respond to my question however for some reason i had to register and change my name... if you could please resend i would appreciate it...thank you
Helpful - 0
539694 tn?1434565947
If your God is omnipotent and omnibenevolent (both of which are paradoxes by the way lol) he will know that you are finite and finite beings lack perfection in anything and are therefore going to have doubts and feelings against theyre god and theyre beliefs and this is human nature if he gave us the capacity and free will to choose whether we are in doubt or not then he knows it is to expected from us all and therefore will not be angry.
Helpful - 0
803299 tn?1243135053
Hi I sent you an email to you home page.  I have a lot to say on the topic but do not want to make the comments public.  If you are interested check you mail and get back to me.  
Helpful - 0
585414 tn?1288941302
Any belief system should give you a positive feeling about yourself. There's nothing wrong with faith based recovery but feelings of guilt and self hatred or doubt are never part of recovery. As for "black and white" yes before I recovered people said that I "only thought in terms of black and white". I thought that people who were opposed to me were "evil" and sometimes I thought I was too. That is far more than you were experiencing because I have schizoaffective and before recovery, I was paranoid. But sometimes some of the same feelings come from the same place. Always value yourself and if others don't support you don't embody what they tell you. People offering help or suggesting you speak to someone is acceptable. People putting you down is not. Medication can help but talk therapy is needed in addition. It would be worth speaking over with a talk therapist.
Helpful - 0
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