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how many people with bipolar are married and have sex outside the marri...
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Bipolar Disorder is also known as "Manic Depressive Disorder". This forum is for questions and support for people with, or for loved ones of people with Bipolar Disorder. The forum covers topics ranging from Aggressive Behavior, Affect on friends and Family, Alcohol and Drug Abuse, Appetite Changes, Chronic Pain, Denial, Depression, Difficulty Concentrating, Euphoria, Guilt, Manic Depression, Medications, Mood Swings, Poor Judgment, and Sleep Disorders

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how many people with bipolar are married and have sex outside the married

I want know how many people with bipolar have sex outside ot there married and how many marriage have been destroyed by doing this
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603015_tn?1329866573
No I do not have sex outside the marriage but it doesnt stop the higher sex drive that I have sometimes and I have to control this internally if I cant satify the urge with my husband, it can be shear hell sometimes, I usually become very flutatious with men and I seem to always do it with friends or strangers that I know cant take it any further, thats my experience anyway, I think its my way of controlling it so that I dont go outside..
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933174_tn?1375796153
How many people that are not Bipolar have sex outside of their marriage!!!LOL.
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Avatar_f_tn
Well, it doesn't matter the  bipolar, it matters the level of comitment. My husband is usually glad when I start taking meds that lower the drive, lol.  But when I am on good meds and no sexual side effects, we stay happy and content and still curious after 33 years of marriage.
He is comitted and I am as well.  Plus it really helps to be best friends and in love after so many years.
Hope that helps.
zzzmykids
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585414_tn?1288944902
That would be an interesting question because bipolar does cause hypersexuality in the manic phase but then again sex outside of marriage is increasing (or perhaps more talked about to be honest) in society. For myself I have a long term relationship with my girlfriend and don't plan to get married and due to a combination of factors (especially ones outside of a mental illness such as traumatic experiences during childhood) I am (mentally not physically) dysfunctional in this area. I tried to change it through therapy but it never improved so I just learned to accept it. For ever person who is hypersexual during mania there are people with little to no sex drive during depression and also those who alternate between the two. Complex issue as there are societal factors involved. The best thing is as long as its consenting adult, safe sex for people to accept each other's sexual preferences but if someone loses judgment because of mania in any area that's always of concern. Any act should be done with clear judgment beforehand of the consequences.
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750716_tn?1263738243
Yes, though that's a difficult thing to admit to and it really troubles me though I do believe it is a symptom with some people, and I think that it was this reckless behaviour which helped the pdoc find the diagnosis.  

I have also been taken advantage of whilst in drink fuelled hypomania.  The trouble I have is that my judgement is severely impaired sometimes, and it's dealing with the painful consequences afterwards that's hard too.

I've put my husband through so much and I don't know why he stays around to be honest, he deserves better.

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Avatar_f_tn
I am a lot like Narnia41 in the way that this kind of behavior helped the different docs diagnosis. I used to drink a lot and this kind of thing happened often during manic episodes. My 1st marriage ended, but not because he wanted it to end, I ended it during a particularly distructive episode. I now know that both of us deserved better, and we're better off.

I am re-married and no longer drink heavily, a glass of wine here or there but thats it. My sexual side of mania (which is always present during mania) was much easier to control this recent mania, no sex outside of marriage and my husband really enjoys the increased libido. My husband is also very good to me and we love each other very much which makes things very easy not to stray. My last marriage was not as loving. I am on a MS, going to therapy, and asking everyone around me to help me recognize my symtoms (symptoms) now, I don't ever want to see what a big bad episode will look like, I love my husband too much to do anything like that to him.
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Avatar_f_tn
I have other factors too and I have been married 35 yrs. I have come close, but never strayed. Now am burned out w/no libido and still have a great marriage. Good luck to you.
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Avatar_f_tn
Dear BrokenCowBoy4870,
I am sorry.  I think the way I stated commitment and curious, it could be taken out of context.
And bastet56 waytogo on 35, one and a half years ahead of me.
What I meant to say:
I am extremely sexual person.  Thoughts of outside of relationship, sure.  Acting or allowing the thoughts to control me, no.  When you get married, you are asked will you love, cherish and promise to stay with in sickness and in health.  That is a commitment before God.
I am a girl, I keep my pants zipped up, so does he and we don't look for outside sexual action. Being bp, I have lots of time of sexual hightened times where everything looks good...especially cowboys....that's for you cowgirl......but nothing would bring the satisfaction the two of us have between eachother and privately.
I do believe that whether we are bp or not we can honor our commitment and stay active in our marriage bed with our marriage partner, one husband and one wife.  But when the urges arise we talk openly about it.
If I have a friend or he has a friend that stimulates those feelings we just allow time to pass without being around them and a few times I have had girlfriends who are attracted and to him. But trust, commitment and the honoring of the marriage have kept us true to eachother for 33 and a half years.
So the answer is:
Bp can commit for life without outside extra sexual activities.  We just have to keep our marriage bond curious, fun and down right rawkus sometimes...with only eachother.
Does that clarify better?
zzzmykids
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi everyone, my name is David and let me tell you my story, lol.  I am 44 years of age and have been married for three years.  I worked at the same job for 16 years until I suddenly quit last November 5th.  I enlisted in the National Guard in March, but things were really bad at that point.  There was a lot of sexual abuse when I was a child.  Hypersexuality has been a problem since that point.  I went to the VA hospital in June and they diagnosed me as being bipolar, type II.  They started a medication plan, where I take one pill to help me sleep thru the night, and a second to help level everything out during the day.  Right now, I am in a manic phase, seems like I am cycling a lot lately.  I might be released from the Guard because my VA doctors do not believe that I could handle a deployment overseas, and I tend to agree with them.  As far as the marriage is concerned, due to my wife's own issues, and mine as well, we have been intimate maybe 10 - 15 times in our marriage.  She has never once initiated any type of sexual activity at all, which is not good in a normal situation, but due to my hpersexuality, it is getting really hard to handle.  I am seriously considering getting involved in a sexual relationship outside of the marriage, and I know it is not a good idea, but the thoughts or sex consume me, and when that happens, all the good judgment goes right out the window.    What makes it really hard is the fact that I was raised in a strict christian home and that causes me problems too, with a lot of guilt and self condemnation.  Sometimes I wish I could wake up one morning and live in someone else's body and have a different brain, just so I could see how things are in a normal person, lol.  I will close for now, thanks.
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1011752_tn?1269245119
I would like to add my two cents...

I am 44 years old, male, Bipolar I. I have been married for close to 20 years, and I have never been unfaithful.  My manic episodes have a tendency to turn me into a sex fiend.  I want to do anything with two legs, go back and do it again, and still not be satisfied 10 minutes later.  (Sorry about being so graphic.)  I look at women with different eyes, undressing them and trying to imagine what their naked body looks like.  Well, okay, I think you get the picture.  My wife tries to step up the frequency, but that doesn't always seem to happen as she has her own host of medical problems.  I guess I couldn't be lucky enough to have a Bipolar spouse with hypersexuality.  Well, I couldn't be more satisfied with my spouse.

I guess what I am trying to say is:  my marriage has held up strong with me being Bipolar, and I would not do anything to jeopardize that.  It is the one positive thing that I have going for me in my life.
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505907_tn?1258372940
Well, it's a lot easier to stay committed to a good guy then a bad one. I never cheated but then I live in a small town and the sort of man I'd be attracted to...it would have been too messy. But I would have jumped any man's bones there towards the end if they'd asked. My ex didn't kiss me for the last two years of our  marriage. He told me afterwards that this was because he no longer loved me at the point he stopped. This didn't preclude sex however. I'm just saying that not everything is black and white. I relish my lusty nature - it fills out my life in 3-D.
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Avatar_f_tn
You're right.  It is a lot easier to be faithful to a great guy.  And one that recipricates in moments. He's never said no and we know bp's with hightened sexuality NEVER want to turn down an urge.  I got them doing laundry.  Cooking dinner. I'd call him and if he was near by, well he came home.  Now that the kids are gone, I just need to call if he is in town.  But, really it has changed, a few of the antidepressant meds, near the last of the ones I took....not on them anymore.....they stopped any desire and any completion which has now left me sitting on the fence take it or leave it....sad for me...sad for hubby. Seroquil was like a rocket exploder, sexually, but formed a fluid pocket around heart, knees and ankles so can't take it.
I agree with you, again, it is easier when you love the person who loves you back.
zzz
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909415_tn?1390585342
Ok,,this is difficult.  I'm a Christian.  i've been raised to accept responsibility for my actions.  But I've had problems here.  I'm married to a wonderful, beautiful woman.  I hid this for a long time from her but confessed to massage parlor visits etc,,a few years back. This type of thing stretched back to when i was a teen.  I've always had trouble here.  She's forgiven me but I still wrestle with it. the closest I've coming to killing myself is over depression from guilt about this.  Knowing that this is a trait seems to make it easier to fight.  
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1077983_tn?1255909694
i have been married for seven years , i have cheated on my husband five times! i am not proud of it , and every time it's happened my husband has found out! which resulted in myself getting manic and voilent towards him ! i swear i love my husband , he's my world , but when i am in a manic and lawless rampage , i am embarrissed to say that i just have no inhibitions ,  i have severe mood swings , suicide attempts to maxing out the credit card! i'm not making it sound glamerous or fun , but my answer to your question is yes i have and i wish i didn't . i feel like bipolar has ruined my life
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Avatar_f_tn
I feel so much better reading all of this..I went outside of my relationship with my fiance(not married yet but together 5 yrs and now 2 kids together) I was taking Lamictal at the time which by the way made my mania 10x worse. I dont blame it all on the bipolar and the meds but I would have never done that under "normal" circumstances...I feel so horrible to this day about it and it's been over a year ago. I was pretty promiscuous when I was in my teens until I met my fiance...I'm so glad I found this question and comments.
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1237757_tn?1323146719
I haven't but I do find it frustrating when my wife reads a book on Bipolar and it says that all hypomanics either cheat or lie about cheating, I guess that must make a me liar by those standards.

Reading it while we are in the middle of marriage counselling to work on our sex life doesn't help things much either.  I guess at least the hyper sexuality explains the frustration.
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1489401_tn?1288248803
My wife of 14 years was diagnosed with BPD two years ago, after she cheated on me with three different guys (I refuse to call them men).  At the time, she was being treated for schizophrenia and depression, so she was misdiagnosed and being medically mismanaged. Her Psych M.D. (a good man and a very smart doc.) assures me that promiscuity is a bona-fide symptom of BPD, but won't go so far as to tell me that she would not have done what she did had she been managed properly from the beginning.

From my point of view, it wasn't too difficult to tell that she was seeing someone else...she wasn't careful at all, though she kept denying what she was doing. What hurt more than anything else is that she seemed genuinely happy...and took great pleasure in rubbing my face in it.  It's like the sex was not enough, and that whatever she was gettng out of the affair was amplified by being hateful and belittling me. Even after she quit (she has not cheated since), for months afterward she would bring the affair up and took delight in needling me with details. Needless to say, I left...for a long time.

We are back together now, but it's a tough road.  She has expressed remorse, and I think she is sincere...but admittedly, I am not entirely sure. Trust continues to be a big issue, and I am not sure there is anything she could do to earn it back completely.  I am still hurting three years later, despite her insistence that it will never happen again.  

Of course, this is the abridged version and I am leaving a lot of pertinent information out. To the original poster, I am not entirely sure about how prevalent infidelity is among those with BPD, but my experiences with this ordeal would leave me to suggest that to those with this disease that are married, there is absolutely nothing here to recommend it, and at the very best, one might get away with a broken marriage, much emotional trauma and distrust...at worst, take all the negatives and add STDs, HIV infection that's now 'shared' with a spouse. Oh yeah, a hypersexual, manic woman would make excellent fodder for the real sickos out there who like to bury their prey after they are done with them...not trying to be graphic, but food for thought.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi I love my husband it really hurts me that I hurt him sometimes I wish i was dead or that he will go away and have his own life. He always new I am bipolar but i think he din't now how serius is this condition because I been living a double life and he recently found out about it. He is a very nice person but it does not mean this situation dosen't hurt him and that makes me so mad at my self I don't understand how I let that happen, having a relation with another guy, that is totally wrong and I wish that it never happened. But the riality is this now I feel that our familly's life is destroyed, we have three kids we are going throught a horrible time right now and is all my fault. Sometimes I wish god will take me, that way my Family won't have to deal with a suicide. And their are times were I am so glad my husband found out about the affair because now he knows and he helps me. Again a wonderful man I don't know what I would do without him ,  I think I would be dead by now. Because this crazy moods I am tierd of them it 's a pattern that will never end it's just like going againts the clock every day. I hate that, I hate my life and then I feel like a loser giving up that's not right. Oh well let's don't be so dramatic then i am happy again why? I don't know but, every thing feels great life is good I am full of great energy again. but that is scary to not know what might happen I do stupid things either way and yes i am afraid my husband will get tierd of this .
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9245026_tn?1402587176
Hello Clairefairy79,
   I am not sure if this will reach you, since it has been some time since your post. I want to thank you for your candor in your post, and let you know that you are not alone.  The feelings of regret can be horrendous, no doubt, but if you will remember the blessings of bipolar, the increased capacity we enjoy for big hearted emotions and lots of creativity, over time they will balance out. Hang in there young Claire. After awhile, as you begin to understand yourself and your own moods better, you will be better able to control the bp as well.
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248167_tn?1220367290
is infidelity really a symptom of bp?? i find my husband is very flirtatious with women and tends to have the need to keep in touch with any woman he meets. he sneaks phone calls and fb inbox messages. he has way too many female friends and i swear he meets up with them even if its for a few minutes any chance he gets. he is very impulsive. he has been diagnosed with bp but has not been on any meds.  
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