is it my falt

[bipolerchick]

okay so i helped a guy get off on a rape charge like 2 or 3 years ago cause i defened him on what i belived what was true and then last night i got a text telling me that i he did it again and that scares me and makes me wonder if its my falt to that he did it if he really did it befor and if he was able to do it again cause i helped him get off is this my falt

[ILADVOCATE]

He may very well have manipulated you and the text message he sent you may not be true. I would print it out and inform the authorities. It sounds like stalking and harasing behavior and he should not be in touch with you at all.

[solipsist]

Don't beat yourself up. Just think of this a character building thing and not everything you believe may really be true. Besides, he is in the hands of Karma now, and I'm sure it was waiting to catch up with him. People who rape are most likely destined to to do it again. So whether you prevented him from going to the big house this first time, I'm sure he would have done it again when he got out. The only difference is now the @$$ has to register as a sex offender if released after charged. BUT AGAIN, don't beat yourself up.

[Xila31]

I agree it is not your fault. You were mislead in the past and that is unforturnate, but how could you have known? Also as solipsist says rapists will generally strike more than once. Look at that girl Jaycee who was kidnapped and raped for 18 years. Her kidnapper had been in prison due to kidnapping and rape and was released from prison. It wasn't much longer before he kidnapped a little girl to rape her for all those years. They also suspect him in the rape and possible murder of other people.

I'm sorry this has happened but it isn't your fault. This time you know the truth.

[bipolerchick]

he has not been in contacted with me in the past few years his mom is the one that text me to let me now what happened and that is what bothers me is that i should have nown not to take sides i cant belive i did i ended up cutting my upper arm last night 9 times for the 9 summers i got raped and i just let a guy get a way with it

[bipolerchick]

i now that i should not blame my self but i feel like i should have nown should have lissoned to her story and realized that she was telling the truth i have been ther it and i now what its like and how much it hurts i live with it everyday and now living with the visable scares of it as well as the hidden ones in my mind

[Xila31]

I am so worried about you. :(

You really need to stop cutting yourself. I know it is hard but please, please, please, go and get some help ASAP. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. :(

[Sue031]

Hi Honey,

It's Sue again. I answered your post on another forum. I want you to listen to me now. You are in a very weak position with your Bipolar and he knew that. We with Bipolar are not always known for our clear judgement especially when we are trying to deal with our own crisis ( which you have plenty of in your life). He saw his chance and he took it. He used you.

Your guilt is misplaced. He is the guilty party and you should be angry at being used in a very vulnerable state. It is not your fault. Had you been in a better place you would have refused to get involved in the first place. Anger is the correct emotion towards him for using him but not guilt. Yes people have been hurt but not because of you, because of him.  

He is manipulative and plays on people and I guarantee you that that is his angle to get to the women he hurts. Be thankful you have not been one of them. You have already been hurt and continue to be hurt don't add his guilt. I am surprised you have any space left to cut.

I will give you the same advice I did earlier. Get admitted where you can get therapy to help you thru the terrible abuses you have suffered because without this you will not recover and that is a reality. It took me 6 years to accept that and to be at your point to actually act. It didn't help my marriage but I had to put myself first and that is what you have to do. Only you can help you and you have to do it for you.

Accept my reasoning even tho you'd rather tell me to bugger off. Sometimes our most uncomfortable place is our comfort zone and to break out of that is scary. If you can just take that one step. I have invited you as a friend. Please take it. Together maybe we can muddle thru this.

Stay away from this guy and distance yourself from his family. He is not your responsibility. What is done is done. Look forward and start making some decisions to improve your life.

All my love
Sue

[bipolerchick]

i would go and get amitted but if i do if i show any flaws i will lose my kid and that i cant do i am going to a dr on the 30th and being put on pills again on the 11th its all i can do right now cause if i do anything else they take my kid for good its hard enuff to hide the cuts now since i was stupid and put 9 on my upper arm to reminded me of the rape that i went throw and the fact that i have been feeling gilty for the past few days its hard for me and i cant take what i do to my self i hate it but its all i have really ever none

[Xila31]

Here's the thing, it isn't that you have flaws. What they are going to look at is if you are seeking treatment for your bipolar. If you're not and you're cutting they won't think your child is safe with you. If you are actively seeking treatment, actively working hard to stabalize, actively trying to succeed, then that is a good thing. If you don't, then they will say you don't care. You can't take care of her if you can't take care of yourself.

[bipolerchick]

okay i really dont now you guys that well but i will say this i am talking to a dr on the 30th thats the most i can do and i have some friends here that i did not notice here were i leave i was so upset all the time that i never payed attishon to look around i am trying to beat this with out being hospitalized thats all i am trying to do it my slef i have done it befor i should beable to do it again

[Xila31]

You can do it. You say you have some friends and that's good. You can talk to us too. We've all had a lot of different experiences with fighting this and it's hard for everyone. Just don't give up on yourself, because you have a daughter and she needs you. I believe things will get better for you once you're in treatment. You're just in a bad spot right now but you won't be there forever.

[zzzmykids]

I like most of the comments given you and agree with most of them. Cutting is usually due to the desire ti release the pain and have endorphines flow.  But I'm not sure that is your reasoning.  You are not at fault about the person who appears to be a rapist. You trusted what you knew at the time.
I agree you should be admitted.  I never thought I would be and spent a week five years ago.  It helps you get level. There should be community groups in your area, look up Nami and DBSA or Community support groups through the city or churches or synagogs.
We are here, we have life long experiences with bp and many with being Mom's while being manic or depressed.
Please get help first for the cutting.  Your local gp can recommend someone.  There should be a rape hotline that can put you in touch with other women who have been raped and help walk you through the memory of your own rape.
I am very sorry all this is going on with you and hope you will seek more help to find peace.

[bipolerchick]

liike i keep telling everyone i cant go to treatmeant the most i can do is seek a consoler i will not lose my kid cause i have a problim they already let me now that if i get comited then there taking her form me i am not risking that i cant she is my world

[bipolerchick]

i am gettin help for my cutting i have friends that are keeping an eye on it and trying to help me gett better my soon to be ex man is making it hard but this is something i am doing on firday i will be talking to a dr and trust me i dont want to at all

[bipolerchick]

update on life yesterday was my monday and my first time since friday to cut one last time i am trying but school keeps letting me fall

[Electrum]

Hi hun. I just want to empathize with you about your daughter. I lost custody of my firstborn daughter five years ago, and I believe it was partly because of the courts discrimination against the mentally ill. That could just be my paranoia talking, but unfortunately I think it is a reality. Just hang in there for your daughter! Do whatever it takes to keep her safe and in a safe environment.

And also, just a thought, do you have a relative that could perhaps watch her in case there is an emergency? I just know how things can all change in an instant, and it's a good idea to have an emergency contact.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. Please keep us updated.

[bipolerchick]

i am kinda shake long weekend for me i talked to a dr about my past have not told her that i am cutting again and after i talk to her i have not cut to my suprize i have not cut since friday i think i can do this think is the word lol i am starting to get my life back and i kinda am scared about that but trying to make it throw

[bipolerchick]

so i got the odd call last night from a friend and he was there and wanted to talk to me i did not think i was going to do it but i did and come to find out it was stagitory rape cause she is only 15 he said he was sorry i got pulled into it and that it would be the last time that i would hear form him cause he i leaving me alone and his family is not going to bother me no more finaly the closer i needed

[Xila31]

Well, good I'm glad you can have closure. Now just go ahead and put this behind you and worry about getting yourself better and getting your daughter. Let other people deal with their own drama.

[bipolerchick]

i am and i am am going back on my meds for the first time in for ever