living with a husband with mood swings

[eggbert]

How do I communicate with, or get through to my husband who was labeled with mood swings by his shrink?  He has characteristics of bi-polar, borderline personality and antisocial behaviors.  I have been dealing with his behavior for 20 years and he finally went to get help last year.  He sees a shrink once every three months for 45mins each time.  I find that funny.  He was put on Depekote and said it was not for him.  While he was on meds for a few weeks, I had a human husband that we could all talk to. Little by little,  I am the one who is losing it.  I want to leave him, but I don't have a dime to my name.  He controls everything, money, household emotions, who is allowed to talk to him, ect.  He is angry most of the time and starts fights for absolutely no reason that I can see.  There were times I have wracked my brain asking myself, " what did I do to cos the fighting this time?"    He has no empathy when the kids or I get hurt or sick.  He does rage with great anger and hatred and is very scarcastic and nasty. He threatens to kill me when he rages.I feel like I am being punished.  I don't love him anymore, I am just staying out of financial deperation till I can find a job to support daughter and myself.  One of my daughter is alot like me in personality and looks and she gets most of my husband's anger, cruelity and scarcastic remarks.  I have her in free therapy to help her self esteem. Can I survive mentally much longer with all this abuse?  I cry and pace the house constantly.  Can I ever reach him and talk to him like a human being without his going on medication?  Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Eggbert

[angel6019]

Wow! the crap we put up with for love/conveience. My husband had us walking on egg shells for years with his diabetes/moodswings/cheating. He start making trouble for me by moving out and putting me on a protective order for no reason. It is amazing how you can put people on a protective order for no reason. So I put him on one also. At 1st I didnt know what to do but he kept doing the same thing over and over leaving me and my son without money. I finally woke up and prayed to God. Now I am in Nursing school for my RN degree. I am not taking him back anymore it is not worth it. We are living off my student loans for now and doing great. I am also filing for child support. I will tell anyone get out of the relationship it is not healthy. They blame everyone for their problems except themselves. Oh yeah! he came within 100 ft  and I called the POLICE and he served 40 days in jail. He fell in his trap that he set for me.
Good Luck @get out while you can before someone get hurt. 15yrs of marriage was pure HELL> but a few months of Great PEACE!.

[Justwannarelax]

I know how you feel. It's awful. I'm living with
someone who moods can change in a matter of seconds. He is on meds and sees a therapist.
Nothing helps!!!! Help!!! He is angry then elated all within ten seconds!

[BPBRAT]

Mandy,

I know so much of how you feel! i have been in abusive relationships for years and years and i finally said i had enough!  i wasn't gonna put my kids through hell anymore. we will eat beans and rice the rest of our lives but we will be able to eat them in PEACE! i also realized that i don't deserve the abuse as well as they don't. if it takes me to raise my girls on my own (14 & 11) till they are out on their own than that's what i will do. But if God has other plans i'm open to suggestions...lol
ok enough babblin from me. take care and ill try to keep in touch till i get my pc back.

[BPBRAT]

HEY JUST TO LET YA'LL KNOW I HAVE LOST MY INTERENET FOR JUST ALIL WHILE. (BEING A SINGLE PARENT ON SINGLE INCOME IS HARD!!!) DIDN'T WANT YA'LL TO THINK I LEFT YA...LOL MY PRAYERS ARE STILL WITH EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. LOOKIN FORWARD TO CHATTIN WITH YA'LL SOON. HOLD YOUR HEADS HIGH!!!!!

[Mandy0079]

Good for you!  I was just going to suggest counseling.  In a prior marriage I had a similar situation and I went to a domestic violence counselor.  I had two very young children that I knew I was going to have to support on my own, and I didn't make that much money at the time.  It was a very hard situation but I came to the decision that I rather live with the financial problems than to live in such a hostile environment.  It was not a healthy situation for me or my children.  Good Luck!

[eggbert]

Thank you both so much for your kind words. Both of you are very strong and brave.  I applaud both of you for giving medication a chance and dealing with your problems.  Actually, I feel women are always more willing to seek help then men anyway.  Ciarrarose, I have started going to a domestic violence group tonight that will enable me leave my situation.  It will take time though.  I just needed to seek help here with people who know about Bi-polar and Borderline disease.  Living in a household with someone who has both,  is so very difficult.  Each day is a lifetime and the hours are so long. I wish both of you the best and keep seeking help when you need it.  Bi-polar is not who you are, but it is what is happening to you.

Eggbert.

[ciarrarose]

hey. wow like the last person said, my dad sounds alot like your husband. he has gone to the doctor tho and is on meds,,, if he takes it... that i dont know.but since he got retired from the army he is a completely different person. he has never threatened to kill us but he does threaten to leave us with nothing. like your husband he had everything in his name... finances and all. i have just been allowed back in the house after being kicked out for only god knows what.... so i dont know exactly what you are going through but i can relate. and like your daughter i look and act much like my mom but i have bipolar disorder and i have a very stong personality like my father. unlike him tho i have kept control of my disorder for over a year now with lexapro... i have stopped taking that now tho so that i can join the airforce when i am 18 but i am still dealing with it better than my dad ever has. he drinks everynight and just talks about crazy stuff, if you say one wrong thing he does a complete 360... i dont know what your daughters are like but i know that personally i wish that my mom would have gotten out. i would have rather had a hard life with only one loving parent then the one that i have had with two parents... always having to walk on eggshells has kept me from living my life. i find my self making stupid mistakes and ending up with men much like him... i cant wait to get away and start over for myself. i am not blaming him for my stupid mistakes i am just saying that i start to get comfortable with abusive men because it is all i know... i hope that everything works out for you... there is help for moms and children leaving abusive homes... i wish you the best.

[BPBRAT]

i just found ya'll tonight. it is so so so so good to see that i'm half normal. I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH RACING THOUGHTS!!!!! reading over ya'll comments i know how to describe what my mind does. i tried to explain it to my family but they just don't understand. i have been on LITHIUM for years now and it finally wore out i guess. i have all these STUPID thoughts goin across my head and i'm tryin to keep up with them!!!! i know alot of you are goin through the same thing. give LITHIUM a try and remember it takes 3-4 weeks to get in your system to know if the stuff is any good. i wish i knew what i'm suppose to take next and i dont know if i have the patience for it!!!! let me ask one of the ppl in my brain.....lololol ya'll take care

[BPBRAT]

i just found ya'll tonight. it is so so so so good to see that i'm half normal. I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH RACING THOUGHTS!!!!! reading over ya'll comments i know how to describe what my mind does. i tried to explain it to my family but they just don't understand. i have been on LITHIUM for years now and it finally wore out i guess. i have all these STUPID thoughts goin across my head and i'm tryin to keep up with them!!!! i know alot of you are goin through the same thing. give LITHIUM a try and remember it takes 3-4 weeks to get in your system to know if the stuff is any good. i wish i knew what i'm suppose to take next and i dont know if i have the patience for it!!!! let me ask one of the ppl in my brain.....lololol ya'll take care

[BPBRAT]

i just found this sight and i saw your problems. i can TOTALLY relate to your husband's behavior. i grew up with a dad with alot of the same traits. it's very hard to live on egg shells all your life. at least your husband is tryin to get the help. my father REFUSED. said there was nothing wrong with him. it just takes time to find the right meds for him. (at least a month in your system to tell a difference) give it alil more time and if things don't change or he doesn't want to help himself i say get out of it before something MAJOR happens.