marriage breakdown and bp

I was diagnosed with bp less than a year ago. Before dignosis I fell into a major depression that last about a year. My wife left me because of my social withdrawal and diminished libido. I told her I was seeking treatment and wouldn't always be this way, but she said I'd never change, and woulldn't agree to marriage counseling. I feel humiliated to have lost my marriage because of bp. Has anyone else been through this? How did you cope?

[zenster]

I am sorry to hear that. I didn't loose my marriage yet, but I am on a verge of it. I understand that it's hard to live with us, bipolar people, but I think it's unfair that loved one left you at the time you needed her most.

[ILADVOCATE]

Really its a shame she felt this way. I have schizoaffective disorder and have made a full recovery (read through my posts) but even before recovery when I experienced psychotic episodes and full mood swings I had and still have a long term relationship and she accepts me for who I am. NAMI friend and support groups are great for that. However, think about it. As you agreed to start treatment and follow up perhaps she was using the bipolar as an "out" and had other reasons she did not disclose and should have had a full discussion. Either way don't blame yourself and seek someone who is more open minded about this.

[vdp]

What a tough time you are having! I understand entirely... 7 years ago my marriage broke down and my then husband blamed my mood swings amongst other stuff. I hadn't at that point been diagnosed but my boughts of depression certainly hadn't helped. I was getting help and we even tried marriage guidance, he said that I was impossible to live with!
Seven years down the line I am still bitter as over time I have learnt that there were other things happening that I knew nothing about! For years I felt guilty that my behaviour had lost me the one thing I had truely believed in, my marriage, leaving my children without their father! In truth, we we're both to blame.
The person you love the most deserting you when you need them the most is an incrediably hard thing to live with, but I do it, everyday, day by day!
Some days are harder than others, to begin with it was hell!
Life has moved on, his and mine. My children are happy.
I have had a couple of relationships, both great while they lasted and I'm still hopeful for the future!
So many times people have said ' you should be over it by now' but you can't set a time limit on grief!
I went to see a fantastic counceller that told me that losing my marriage was like a death and I had to mourn for it's loss.
She was right... she still is!
When I remember things now, sometimes it's like the above bit, sometimes it with sadness and sometimes there are happy thoughts!
Getting to understand my bp and acknowledging the pressures it put the marriage under has helped alot.
Hang in there.

[Jldemers1]

I tell you, my wife said the words a couple of times. "I want a divorce" I have had problems with ADD all my life, but I would say 2-3 years ago something changed. I became a different person. I should have gone for help then but I did not. I have been diagnosed for about a month now and on medication. Since I started treatment my wife says I am a much better person to be with. I can only hope that this is not to late to pick up all the pieces and put them back together.

I forgot the exact name of the BP I have, but I would cycle really fast. I would experience multiple cycles in a day or feel both manic and depressed at the same time. It was tough

[zzzmykids]

Dear grizzabc,
First I am sorry your wife will not seek counseling with you nor honor her vows to you when she fell in love with you and married you.
Secondly, It is not your fault.  Bp is what you have but it is by choice your wife made her decision.
I found out at 42, have had one six month and one three month and a dependency on my family that I never had before the bp...which probably started at 11. But was manic until 40.
Guilt is not what you need.  You need to listen to your psychiatrist, make a daily simple schedule to keep you out of bed.  Make it as soon as you get up!!
Know you have a safe and good group of people in here to listen.
Take your meds on schedule.
Laugh for no reason, endorphines can be fooled!
Sincerely,
zzzmykids