to all bipolar

[susie973]

Do you intend to be away from your family or loved one when you are on a hypomanic state or in a depressed episode. Are you aware of what you are doin when you are on that episode. Do you consider the outcome of this thing or you are being inconsiderate.

[ILADVOCATE]

No I don't. I need their support in making sure I stay rational. That was before recovery but when it happenned if I was going to make a decision I needed back up to make sure it wouldn't have consequences. Of course avoiding people can be part of the symptoms but as a coping strategy its not healthy. Even now after recovery as I've posted I know that the medication I am starting for dystonic spasms from tardive dystonia Guanfacine like Clonidine which my psychiatrist had to discontinue can cause personality alteration although it has a mood stabilization effect. Its very much of concern but I did tell people so if things do become irrational they know to tell me. But before recovery when I was changing medications basically other people were my "guiding principle". I cleared decisions with them for that period. Hypomania can spiral into full blown mania and depression into self destruction for some people. Why chance it? Reach out to people who support you. And if family and friends don't, go to a support group. Even now (and am hoping for some mitigation from this with the new treatment) that I am homebound from the severe tardive dyskinesia I am always online so I am always in touch socially, just not in person but with some physical recovery I would and will be out and about. Forget "inconsiderate". When things aren't working out think of yourself first. You can make it up to other people later. But if you are by yourself the only person you have to talk you down or console you or steer you from potentially irrational decisions is yourself. You can't chance it alone. If you need a "time out" for a bit fine. But do find people who are supportive. It can and will make a difference.

[monkeyc]

I personally find the inconsiderate thing the giveaway that I am speaking to someone who is not bipolar, mind the "all bipolar people" thing isnt designed to get the best response either.

No you say do we intend to be?  Well yes and no.  I personally need to be alone sometimes, its important to me to have time out and most bipolars I know are like that as well - sometimes we just plain want to be alone.

Normally its when we are depressed not manic and its also a common factor with non bipolar depression as well - when things get on top of you other people can make you feel worse.  For one thing they are always trying to cheer you up.  No its not endearing it actually makes us feel worse, its deeply condescending and irritating to boot.

For another thing sometimes other people stir up emotions tht make the pain harder to bear.

That being said we need to be around people as we may not be able to act rationally and need support but as part of that support you need people who can let you have the space you need.

its got nothing to do with inconsiderate at all - its not a rational thing at all sometimes.

It sounds to me like someone in your life is Bipolar and you do not know how to deal with the - there are plenty of books and online sources that can explain how bipolar works and how to be around bipolars and this diesease is an education as much as anything is.   If I had to diagnose I would say the tone and wording of your question shows a pretty big lack of understanding of how to approach this - we are not a collective "people" and we are not inconsiderate - you also might need to realise thar depressive episodes can be hell, far worse than a sane person can comprehend and they can claim lives in some sufferers.

[jst4shanell]

When i'm depressed I shut everyone out.  My family always knows.  I don't do it to hurt them.  I just can't stand being around myself let alone anyone else.  When i'm hypomanic or manic I want to be around everyone, because I have so much to say and do.  Quite humiliating when you get your meds right and remember some stuff you said and did.  A lot of it I don't even remember.  It's like I had amnesia.  The only time I don't want to be around people manic is when I shop.  It's a mission for me and if I take people with me, it just slows me down.  A lot of people who are not bipolar think I am selfish at times. They will never be able to relate but they can really educate themselves.  I always feel so guilty, like I have done something horribly wrong, but I just can't help these things.  My family, boyfriend and friends are all aware, but I can't help feeling sorry that they sometimes have to pick up my pieces because I don't have control.  It makes me sad even writing about it.

[horselover65]

I'm not certain what exactly you are asking. If I misinterpret your questions, that's why... Years ago, I started saying I wouldn't inflict myself on other people when I was depressed. I definitely avoided family members when things weren't going well. Although some of my relatives would give lip service to being 'supportive', I have rarely actually felt that. And yes, there have been times when they certainly seemed to think I was inconsiderate if I wasn't at my best... We have moved to a different state. I am almost totally isolated and, until recently, saw my family only a few times a year. There have been times I absolutely dreaded the interaction because I wasn't up to putting on that Academy Award-worthy performance. I'm now in a position where I am travelling more frequently to help care for aged and ill grandparents who have never accepted that anything is wrong with me. I love them, but after a few days with them I am in no shape at all to deal with anything or anyone. Takes a week or so to recover. I'm completely overstimulated and lose the ability to tolerate things in regular life. Part of that may be the other issues I have going on with anxiety and agoraphobia, but I couldn't say... I had to go to a destination wedding when I was having a mixed episode. It was only a few days after a weeklong caretaking visit. In a word - disastrous. In the peace and quiet and solitude of home, I'd have felt safer and calmer. There'd have been less stimulus; I'm especially sensitive to noise and with all the flights, chaos, people and my mom... well, like I said, it was bad. I was overwhelmed and ended up very angry and very agitated. I bit off more than I could chew and the timing was bad. It happens.

So, if you are asking for yourself, then you need to know what suits your specific needs. If you have a great supportive family and feel the interactions are positive, then you might benefit by spending time with them even if your instinct is to withdraw. But, if your needs and their behavior don't match, then be smart enough to take care of yourself. Don't put yourself in a train wreck situation and explain to them that you aren't willing to sacrifice yourself for them.

If monkeyc is correct and you have a bipolar person in your life who is disrupting things beyond what you can tolerate, then perhaps you should reevaluate your relationship with them. You might be stuck with a family member, but that doesn't mean you can't have boundaries. Some patience and compassion wouldn't hurt, but I know folks have gotten fed up with me. It's probably inevitable. You're human, too. Maybe you just needed to vent?  Good luck.

[susie973]

Yeah I jut dont know how to deal with my H anymore. He was not diagnose by a doc. as bipolar but I keep on researching due to his behaviour. I guess before its due only to alcohol and drugs. Now I'm recalling all those behaviours throughout our lives together and I see all the signs . He dont want to go for a diagnosis as he is on denial that there's nothing wrong. I really dont know. But this past year I guess he is becoming worse since the death of his father. He started to disappear anytime for a week or so but he can not be intimidated or else he will become violent. I just wish I can persuade him to see a doc and go for rehab. If I will leave him am sure that he will be more violent and accuse me of something

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes I had that experience with my grandfather too. He never accepted my schizoaffective disorder and when I first started volunteering at an independent living center and recieved an award he wouldn't go because, although he didn't say it, he didn't want to be around people with disabilities. But now having recovered from schizoaffective disorder and having acquired advanced tardive dyskinesia and what they are identifying as tardive psychosis and my grandfather having had a series of mini-strokes, his cognitive confusion and memory loss (being treated with Namenda) is like mine (although much more severe) a neurological disability and he is totally accepting of my new disability. My grandmother, having had some t.i.a.'s as well (although not to his extent) does refer to herself as having a disability. My grandfather does not but he basically accepts the idea and he was saying "I have thoughts all the time but your grandmother doesn't understand them" he was basically saying he was in the same position as myself understanding the world but having trouble communicating. Family members can change sometimes on their own and sometimes through people explaining things. And sometimes both.

[horselover65]

I don't see my grandparents ever acknowledging my condition. They are big on denial and avoidance. The funny thing is that one of them has been treated for depression and anxiety. They took that very seriously, but it didn't help them understand what I go through. They tried to keep things calm, so I wasn't even allowed to visit because he gets upset whenever I leave. It's not that I do things that upset him when I'm there. He just doesn't do well with goodbyes. They are now both in declining health, so I go help with them. It is one of the toughest things I've had to do, especially since one has Alzheimers and the other has cancer. Those illnesses aren't acknowledged either. We don't even say the word cancer. It's good that there has been some understanding in your family. My other surviving grandparent understands, but that is because my uncle is bipolar. She has problems, but won't seek treatment. Overall, my family has a lot of mental health and substance abuse issues. That's why I didn't have children.  

[buttmunch652]

I'm just new to this discussion group.  Could anyone answer me?  What do you do when the side effects seem to be worse than the illness;.  My phsychiatrist insists on putting me on massive Doses of Serequel and a bunch of other  smaller dosage ones.Over two years I have gained 50 lbs.  I have a terrible time with swollen legs and feet and the pain is excrutiating.  I can hardly walk in the morning, then once I get going it wares off to some extent. 'what can I do?I also have brain fog and can't remember anything.

[ILADVOCATE]

If your psychiatrist won't work with you to find a medication that is both effective and that you can tolerate perhaps you might want to seek a second opinion.