tough times

[theguts]

I am going through some tough times right now.  Feb 28 is the first anniversary of my brother's death.  My whole family is depressed, including me.  It gets worse at night.  I get suicidal and I have panic attacks.  My family is going to disney world on the 7th of Feb and I am very nervous about flying.  I think that is a part of my panic attacks.  I just switched insurance plans and my psychiatrist is not on the list.  I don't feel like starting over!  My therapist is out of the office today because of Martin Luther King Jr Day.
Does anybody have any suggestions on dealing with the suicidal thoughts and panic attacks?  
I am on meds and they don't seem to be working right now (cymbalta, zyprexa, ativan).  I was doing so good just a couple of days ago.  This came out of nowhere.  Everyone was commenting on how good I was doing and now I am right back where I started from.  Sometimes I think this disease is too much for me!
Any advice would be much appreciated.  Thank you in advance!

[theguts]

I went to the dr today.  She gave me xanax for my anxiety and sleep problems.  I hope it works.  We will see tonight.  

Thank you for your responses.

[jst4shanell]

I lost my brother as well.  Try and go see someone.  It is a HUGE trigger and I would hate to see something spiral out of control.  Being BP only makes it that much harder.  Find someone to talk to.  A grief counseler or even me.  I also suffer from panic attacks and the works.  You can personal message me anytime.  This anniversary is the worst.  Don't put yourself in any position to emotional set you off.  And don't you hate it when people tell you how great you look like you are doing?  That always makes me mad.  People have good intentions.  Talk to me if you like.  I wish you the best.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  Please talk to someone about how you are feeling.  Just get it out someway.

[ILADVOCATE]

The difficulty is that there can be "breakthrough episodes" of a variety of symptoms when a person is under extreme stress. "Anniversary dates" are commmon trigger points for people. That happens to me every October (that's when I acquired my other disability) and things will worsen around then. But what you are describing is much worse. You can anticipate that things will make you upset around that time of year. I'm not sure what is the correct solution. I certainly think you should speak to your psychiatrist but they might or might not raise the dose of your medication because it depends on how you are doing overall and it seemed things were otherwise well. If you are a seeing a new psychiatrist telling them exactly what's going on so they understand that it may pass after the anniversary of this tragic date and is not what's going on in general. This is a good issue to speak with your talk therapist about and discuss coping solutions.
   The two difficulties now is your whole family feels that way and you have specific anxiety about flying on a plane. All of this might be too much to handle at once. You are putting a lot of stress on yourself. I can't say what's the exact solution but clearly anything that worsens your problem is not a good idea now. And that might include the vacation if you feel the stress of the traveling will worsen things. If you have suicidal thoughts do speak to a psychiatrist as soon as possible. But make sure they know its a crisis that set it off because when it passes the thoughts might very well too. The "anniversary dates" I and other people have often resolve themselves in the same manner. Your psychiatrist and therapist should work closely together on this.