Hi all, Ive just found out I have BPD and waiting (not very paciently) for therapy. Researching all I can. Reading others perspectives on this afliction- it really saddens me to know so many others feel the extreme sensitivity and 'over awareness' that I do. My heart goes out to all of you and selfishly I draw relief from knowing Im not the only one. Can anyone advise me on my situation... does anyone else experience similar to this: Im totally inconsistant... Im an artist yet find it so hard to conclude a painting... I change my mind- Im obsessive or indifferent, compulsive-its almost impossible to complete an idea. Sometimes I just feel blank or have to have a drink to get started or feel enthusiasm. The sad thing is Ive had shows and won a couple of awards, I have a Masters degree and trained at the RCA and next year Ive got more shows lined up with a gallery interested and I still feel worthless and petrified. I feel I might kill myself trying to produce the work. Does anyone else have this kind of problem? and have they found a cure???Exhausted! Hugs and Thanks K
I think that completing things leaves you with a sense of fear of being judged. That could also leave you feeling afraid of rejection, etc. Of not being good enough. Maybe we also hold a subconscious view that we don't deserve success.
I think that self-acceptance helps. Helps to know that you're OK despite something being good, bad or indifferent or whether people like or appreciate it or not.
I like running but tend not to participate due to fear of not being good enough, etc. I don't think that things have to be perfect. I think that we just have to participate. Relaxing and enjoying the process if we can also helps.
Sometimes we just need to re-evaluate our goals and the expectations we have of ourselves. Feeling overwhelmed can leave us feeling stressed, trapped, avoidant and depressed.
Have you thought that your sensitivity may actually be your strength?
I totally relate to what you wrote in you're post. I've battled with BPD and other mental health illnesses for over 18 years.... A true illness that deserves the attention and urgency it deserves.... I believe its like a cancer of the mind... Its not in our control our desire. I want to be productive, I want to love feel lived and be happy.... I don't choose to be ill any more than someone with a physical illness. Please read my blog- I write thoughts, articles, and poetry I think you might relate to. I struggle every day and feel so incredibly alone- I think support is key in fighting any mental illness. If we can help each other we can help fight the stigma attached to BPD and other psychological disorders. I would LOVE your thoughts, opinions, our you're story.... Just thought you should know.... I know what your going through- ****.Blogspot.com
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