Hello, I just need advise pretty much to something that i am very aware of...I dont know if what im in is simply just an abusive relationship or if my partner actually has some type of personality disorder. So i met the father of my child 2 years ago. Like in every relationship it started off great he was very sweet and attentive...We were together all the time..but to get to the point a couple of months later i noticed his unexplainable jealousy started..his name calling and insults..i was only 19 when i met him so i was pretty naive even now i still admit i am since im still allowing this behavior to continue..but almost a year ago we moved in together..thats when things went terribly wrong..thats where physical and verbal abuse ocurred. I kept on saying i was gonna leave him but somehow with his sweet talk he always convinced me to stay. 6 months after i moved in i was pregnant. I was in no plan of having a child at that time but he had been insistent that he wanted a child...4 months after i had my child i left him and moved with my mother.. I left because he is a very abusive person..hes controlling demanding impulsive,mean..EVERYTHING. but heres the twist...somehow im still dealing with his bull****..ONE moment he LOVES me cnt live without me anything to please me..nd 2 minutes later sumthing clicks in him either i said the wrong damn thing or he thought i said sumthing...he blames me of cheating of being bad..of lying of not loving him..of wishing him the worst...I get home from work he says who did i see where did i go after work..im sleeping at home he accuses me of being out..I never hang out with friends or family..he dislike everyone i associate or have associated with...He constantly puts me down..HEs thrown coffee on me twice..once it ws really hot..another time he through a plate of food at my face.. just like a week ago he threw coffee at my car twice in one day...nd he broke the passenger window of my car...with my child in it..that part i noe he didnt do on purpose but he still did it if he knew how to handle his anger that would have never happened..I just know this is affecting me terribly health wise..i barely eat..smoking cigarretes more than usual im sleep deprived sad nd depressed..Im sick of living like this that is why i started searching the internet for answers it was a thought that had already crossed my mind about if he had some type of mental issue...i dnt noe what else could explain the irrational and crazy behavior he displays time and time again..im starting to feel a little out of control myself..all i want is some peace of mind and quality time with my son!!!?? Any feedback people??please....
He might or might not have a PD. But, it really doesn't matter. A PD may explain the abuse, but it is still abuse and doesn't excuse it. A PD is not like depression or diabetes- not an illness per se, but personality traits and emotional reactions that are really maladaptive. But, I still say it doesn't matter. Abuse revolves around one partner seeking power and control over the other. What you describe is classic abuse. He's verbally and emotionally abusive and if he is breaking car windows he is using physical threats. And, trust me...I just finished an abuse class through the bwss to understand my abusive ex. I heard many stories, and it almost always gets worse over time. If you're at the point of it causing you this much anxiety, and where you are searching the internet for reasons to "explain" the abuse away....you are looking for excuses that are logical, that will allow you to 'fix' it, so you can stay. You should try to understand yourself in this regard. At any rate, you have a child. You owe it to that child to leave. You owe it to your health and anxiety levels to leave too. There will be good phases...all abusers are charmers, but the bad parts will get worse. Your child will grow up learning terrible things about mood expression, relationships, etc from watching it, and they may develop anxiety too. I say run. Don't try to understand it, but run before you're so scarred you lose yourself.
well its not what you would call a personality disorder but more like a control issue...yes there could be something mentally wrong with him...my boyfriend for instance is very controling and violent he was raised by male domonince...but he has sever depression only he has a social disorder and dose not know how to express sadness due to his hard cold raising he gets very angry and violent...i know he still loves me very much cause ill elave be gone for a few days he will be hopelessly sad and misserable....the advice anyone will give you is to leave its not safe...this is true however if you do choose to stay with him save up some money keep some cloths for you and your son in a bag i would recomend going to self defence classes and take a fire arms class get a hand gun if youd like or pepper spray when he acts like that dont back down and show weakness dont let him over power you...dont start it ither....talk calmly....when he starts on his rants ignore it...its really up to you on how you feel you should take it....my boyfriend is like that we are having a baby together he was sweet and adorable all threw school i moved in with him at his dads place he started acting wired...just thought it was cause we where in his dads house who did not think so highly of women like maybe his dad was influencing him so we got our own place and he got way worse....he loves his child dearly but if our baby is female he wont so much....its a dominance i stood up to my bf and he has grown to relize i will not put up with it and he cannot control me and treat me as i have been allowing for so long and its not ok he has started to back down...i would recomend leaving but if for whatever reason love or not you stay take percausion and protect your child!
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