Borderline Personality Disorder Community
BPD, Long term success, regular circles in life.
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BPD, Long term success, regular circles in life.

Hi, I am a 27 year old sufferer of BPD.  I was diagnosed in early 2010.  Since i was diagnosed the phycologist sent me away to learn of this on my own.  He claimed there was no treatment and i had to just get on with life as in the future it could just go in time.  After trying to work this out, i felt for some months i had made tracks and achievements.  Only to be sat here 2 years later in a position where i feel worse than ever.  I have real problems with finances, sociol acceptence, motivation, holding down a job,along with many other things.  I dont want to live like this forever, but cant help but feel its just a constant circle, which you beat for a while only to be in a bigger circle, until eventually you have exhausted everything, and everyone around you.  I dont want to quit on life, i want to succeed, but i cant find any real help and motivation, im not sure what im left with.  I have piles of pages of stuff i have wrote myself, about bpd, ways of trying to get myself on track, diarys, daily moods ects.  ive now got to a point that i have had 2 strokes through drugs abuse,  i owe thousands upon thousands of pounds to different means of creditors, i have lost so many friends, family have give up on me and i cant go a day without not just telling lies, but loosing all respect for myself.  Realise i can somehow get out of it because i have time upon time before, but is it just gonna be this way forever? will i ever beat all this? is there a point in going through all this endless pain just to be back where i started? maybe it would help just talking about this to another person who understands, i dont have anyone to talk to who i trust any more because they no longer feel they can help me.  hope someone out there can talk to me.
7 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
have you tried meditation ?
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Avatar_m_tn
I understand every word you speak.  My story is similar.  Treatment seems impossible to get.  Meditation, I have not really tried but the problem is silence and stillness just allows me to listen more closely to all the voices of negativity in my head.  I have no idea what to do, I have no answers.

But I'm very happy to talk to you about it.  At this point I only have 2 options: the ultimate solution or reach out to someone else who understands, thats why I just joined the forum.  Please, speak freely, I'm happy to listen to anything.  
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  Thanks for the replys, i have tryed meditation a couple years back.  When i was first diagnosed i began to read up alot an found alot of people suggested meditation, massage treatments, a treatment called black box which was a small pin prick in the ear which would cure anxiety.  this is all well, but its not that for me.  I can get myself in a state of play which i feel amazing, i can meditate, but its not so easy when you feel worthless.  Okay so i meditate, i go to work, i feel an anormouos amount of happiness in myself.  I go for a drink, one thing leads to another and its all over again.  
  I know some people may think its stupid but at times i am set with one option or another, i no which is rite and which is wrong yet i cant choose rite.  As bad as people may think it sounds its impossible for me!!  And the more i read the more i see this is impossible for other sufferers of bpd.
  At what point do we give up, because its the suffering to others around us at the end of the day aswel as ourselves?
  Its just a huge circle isn't it?  Is there any sort of group help just soley for BPD sufferers?  I feel as if i need to help others in order to help myself.  
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Avatar_m_tn
Man I can really relate.  I'm 41, and i've been aware of this for about 4 years now.  Before I was just going through these crazy cycles in life, finding a job, losing a job, starting something, not finishing etc.  I just can't stay stable long enough to make a real go of anything.  Now I think I'm better than ever but that just means I can control my thoughts and emotions and actions about 80% of the time.  But that remaining 20% destroys whatever progress I have made, then I start all over again.  I also know what is right and what is not right, but I cant choose right.  Its like something in my brain that makes it impossible.  Giving up?  Well, I keep fighting, but I am now asking myself some very hard questions about that.  When is the point when I give up? becasuse to just continue is just more suffering for me and for those around me.  I don't know the answer
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4481735_tn?1355319102
ive been brought back to researching once again, to find out that one same answer, when do i give up on all this? I also feel like there is just 20% of me which is so destructable its unreal.  The main conclusion i have come to is keeping yourself busy with a hobby, to take your mind away and keep you from thinking so much.  Yet half way through my mind just swings back to thinking of social acceptance or bad thoughts of myself.  I even find myself spending more time thinking of winning the lottery than putting on a ticket!  I always thought as a child that i would amount to something huge, or atleast i thought i did, but looking back at everything it just seems a blur, cause i guess the whole time i was just thinking about acceptance.  I was a fairly clever kid, but at the same time i was fighting in the playground, number one on the football team (soccer), the teachers loved to hate me! no one could understand me what so ever, polite, well mannered yet aggresive (aggressive) and the class idiot! i got diagnosed in 2010, but i know deep down i had this since a very young age, when my dad use to work away all the time, then it enhanced when i met my first love and she broke my heart.
  All my life its been the same! now i have nothing, but a tiny glimmer of hope.  :(
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Avatar_f_tn
There is hope. Shame on your Dr for giving up on you. My daughter was just diagnosed with BPD. We are checking on therapists that deal with this and know about DBT. It is a certain kind of therapy for people that have BPD. Group therapy is also recommended.
Research therapists in your area the know about DBT.
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Avatar_m_tn
Yes, there is hope. Your psychologist was very unskilled and unprofessional. New research show that BPD can be treated and people get better.
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remar
st. louis, MO