I'm just wondering if any of you have suffered BPD and been pregnant. I am two months along now, and one of my main issues with people is boundaries. This even extends to my mother. The only person I'm comfortable touching is my significant other. At Christmastime, my mother (who thankfully I don't see often) kept trying to touch my belly, even though there's no way at six weeks she was going to feel anything. It just makes me wary of when time passes and more people are trying to touch my stomach. I know this is going to sound weird, but even showing people the ultrasound is creepy to me. It's like showing them a part inside yourself. I feel so weird and alone in this. I know someone else has made it through the same thing. But who?
I'm not BPD but I was at one time pregnant before I lost the baby to miscarriage. My sister was BPD though so I do know alot aout it).
But from my experience I felt the same way. I never got an ultrasound as it didn't get that far. But when my signifagant other at the time rubbed my abdomen to be comforting and soothing(beofre he strated freaking out about it and left)
I felt really uncomfortable and just a strange feeling of not wabting anyome to touch me. But since I've been abused as a child I already have issues with people touching me and being in my space (a boundaey thing).
I know my sister was very protective of her body and had a huge biundary built where no one could touch her at times. She even felt uncomfortable with me giving her a hug or haolding her hand at some points.
But she was also abused.
And I'm not saying you must have been, obviously there are many reason why people feel they need boundaries and they're personal space and feel uncomfortable being touched.
But that was a question that went through my mind when I ready your post...and you so don't have to answer me at all.
Most who are dealing with BPD have experirnced abuse or trauma of some kind. Infcat it's very thought that trauma at a young age or child abuse at a young age plays a part in causing certain psychiatric conditions, including BPD.
And so I wonder if you haven't experienced some sort of trauma, even if it was hurting yourself really badlt in an accident when you were young that has caused you to feel very protective over your own space and people toucing you and seeing a pictire of the inside of your body.
And please don't be offended by that, and if I have offended you by having that question I'm very sorry. That's not my intention at all. I was just trying to think of reasons why your needing to feel such strong boundaries about people toucing your tummy feels vert uncomfortable and creepy.
Maybe Jaquita will see this question and answer too as she's not only very intellegant and knows alot about BPD even when it comes to other people and not just herself. And I'll let her give her thoughts without saying that this seems to be a common problem thought I'm not sure about the pregnancy aspect and if you didn't feel this way before I'm not wondering if the pregnancy has triggered something inside of you to where you feel creeped out by being touched and having people see the ultra sound.
I hope I've ay least given you a little help although they're just thoughts that popped into my head and not what I myself have experienced for the same reasons.
But that maybe by knowing my sister had BPD(but wasn't pregnant)
had some very strong boundares in regards to being touched at certain times, even by those she did love and loved her.
Congradulations by the way. You and your partner must be thrilled. Giving birth to a new life is the most beautiful thing I believe, in this world.
I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy and an even better birth when you finally meet your little one!
Thank you. We are looking very forward to being parents.
That said, I have been this way for years. I wasn't very aware of it until he actually pointed out that when anyone hugs me, I tend to pull away. I started talking to my therapist, which I'm still doing, and that's when she diagnosed. Yes, I was abused before. I was sexually abused by two people as a child, neglected by my mother, and stalked and raped in my teen years, and physically abused in my early twenties (I made one bad choice after another, I admit). So, I know why I protect my space so much. I just wonder if it goes away, or what to do because I don't want to offend people, but I don't want anyone touching me.
Now, with all of that said, I have to say how lucky I am for finally finding my guy. He takes such good care of me, even though I am constantly unconscientiously attempting to ruin it.
I have to say the same about my husband...seriously he deals with alot from me and has made some major attempts to show me understanding although he's quite confused.
To be honest, I don't think it's going to go away until you find the place inside that makes touching feel sso uncomfortable and work on that with your therapist.
Your boundary issues may have become more intense when you got pregnant for some reason, though I couldn't begin to make guesses at that.
You have experienced alot of abuse and trauma and I'm not surprised in that case to know this is the way you feel as I think all of us survivors have these feeligs also to one extent or another.
I wish I cold say this is an easy fix and all you need to do is this or that and everything will be okay. But I think it's one of those difficult things you need to work through with a good therapist.
Here's the thing, and it's my opinion. Don't feel concerned about other people's feelings of dissapointment when you ask that you prefer they not touch your belly. Maybe sit your mom down and explain how you feel so she won't be afraid you feel unsafe around her(unless you do).
But right now during your pregnancy you need to do what feels safe for you. I've seen women ask others not to touch their bellies so your defenitly not alone in that. And really it's none of their buisness why you don't want them to and they need to respect your boundaries.
Try not to do something your uncomfortable with just for someone else at your expense.
Maybe after you talk with your mother you'll feel a little safer, or your therapist. And maybe you can begin is tiny steps like working with your mother to see if it feels safe to you.
But because your very protective over your body right now(maybe a but more than usual) you just make sure you feel safe and comfortable and work on it with the people you trust, like your husband too.
I find talking to my husband about my boundary issues does help. I have problems being held..and other things that have to do with my personal space. And I feel badly when my friends want to hug me and I kind of don't give them the okay on that. But I need to keep myself feeling safe while I work on these issues and the maybe little by little things will change.
Oh I also wanted to say that if you ever want to talk, your always welcome to PM me. They're are alot of really caring and understanding survivors and we all support eachother through PM's so we can say what we need to so the whole world doesn't have to read it.
So I just wanted to let you know I'm here and theer are others who really care that are here if you ever need to talk.
And I'm so soorry you were put through all that trauma. I know how it feels and how much if an effect it can have on your life and the way you feel inside about your own body.
I know that you posted awhile ago, but wanted to let you know that it can be done.
I have had two children with BPD. I was sexually abused by my father when I was young and by a stranger in a park when I was 9. Since I have put myself in bad situation after situation with the worst boyfriends on the face of the earth. Somehow, my luck changed, and I found the most loving man and now husband. He is my safe place to fall.
I love him to death, but still I have a huge fear of being touched. It's a miracle I got pregnant at all. Being intimate with someone is difficult as the horrible memories are so dark and terrifying.
I am so glad that you have found a wonder man to start a family with. I have the greatest husband, after many years of horrible men in my life.
Talk with your special guy, feel safe in his arms, go to that place as much as you can, because you have that place now. Don't be afraid to let people know that you don't like your belly touched. Strangers will come up and do that, "excuse me, but please don't do that!" Having my children has been the best times, but hard times too.
Enjoy your blessing..... keeping hugging your loving man..... even after the baby is born. He is your blessing to!
I was diagnosed bpd in 1999, done much psycotherapy and many meds. I stayed off all meds for my pregnancy and I found some days impossible and others great. The only I enjoyed touching my belly was my man too. Just tell people, even family, to respect your personal space. Most women feel like that during pregnancy regardless of any mental health issues, so people will understand. Good Luck everythings gonna be alright!
Hi, I am in the same boat (bpd) as the poster only instead of repulsion to touch I suffer from horrible moods swings and anger issues. My poor boyfriend catches the brunt of it (as well as my mother) and I feel terrible and guilty about it after each episode, which only reinforces the negative emotions. Before my pregnancy it was bad enough but now we are having to cope with the pregnancy hormones as well...it is definitely a work in progress. Please know that you are not alone! Many 'non bpd' women also can't stand having their stomachs touched on, it's a natural response to protect your baby. I would suggest therapy or counseling of some sort to prepare you for the people who will be interacting with you during the birth process. Best of luck!
im bpd im 3months pregnant and i think im losing it i stop see a therapist long ago and didnt like taking medication for awhile there i had it all under control or so i thought and then i got pregnant and i have been having major flare up that are now ruining my relationship with my husband and son. my husband now says he's giving up he's not leaving me but he's not going to jkeep trying to help me he's going to go about his business and ignore me, my son told me this morning that he wanted me to leave that he did not want mean mommy to live with him and daddy it wasnt until after i cried that he said im sorry mommy i want you to stay. im ruining there lives im pushing them away. is there any advice that someone can give me??? i need to change or im gonna end up attempting suicide again. please help
You need to see a therapist who specializes in BPD. If there is some obstacle to your getting help (money, transportation, etc.), then you need to figure out a way around it. Ask your husband, friends, etc. Tell them you want to get help. Most important thing is for you to find a BPD specialist that you can see regularly, so you can get and feel better.
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