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Biting,Head Banging.
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Biting,Head Banging.

I found out I have BPD just over a month ago. I'd been getting treatment for it for the past year and a half (I never asked what was wrong so was never told). I have been discharged from the mental health clinic for now. But I have noticed (especially in the last week) an increase in my biting moods and wanting to self harm. I start of carrying on with my partner and then it ends up with me biting a bit too hard and when I realise I cant do anything but bang my head. It's like it isn't me and its driving my partner and I crazy. The mood swings are soo hard to deal with this week, I don't know what to tell her or what to do. One minute I'll be playing with her over active the next I can't do anything, then I get low and as always I don't know why. Its getting really frustrating again, I was just trying to see if anyone was going through a similar thing as I really need to learn to control it.

(additional information,  I got braces in a few months ago so I can't bite pens or pencils like I have done in the past as its too uncomfortable)

Thank you.
Ellie
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It sounds like there is stuff with your partner first before you bite, etc.

I can relate to mood swings and self-harm, etc.

The head banging seems like a reaction to guilt and shame and other negative emotions.

I'm not sure what function or role the biting has.  Maybe it has to do with subconscious material, I don't know.  Or due to ocd or an eating disorder (pica).

My advice would be to get in contact with your treatment team again.  It sounds as though you need support in working through this.  I would strongly recommend psychotherapy but medication, etc may also be appropriate.  Given your recent discharge i think that it would be appropriate to be reassessed.

I don't think that controlling behaviour is necessarily the most effective approach.  I think that working through issues and resolving them is best.  It makes sense that you would want to get rid of something versus just manage it indefinitely.  I understand the need to control it though (and maybe you can do that at the same time as you work to resolve it).
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1378381_tn?1365736090
we are just carrying on. But i've always had a thing about biting. If you put your arm infront of me my head i want to bite it and i dont know why. I do have ocd but I wouldn't have said that it would effect me so I bite things(i mean biting things is sign of nervousness i know but not and that way)

Most people can. My mood swings drive me crazy. I have cut right down with self-harm though no longer cutting, but i still dig my nails into my hand and obviously hit my head on things and scratch and things but alot better than physically cutting myself. picking spots is a thing i do too but nothing like i used to.

The head banging thing makes sense. It ***** but I start and I get more frustrated about it.

Because it's the weekend I can't get in contact, I'd need to go back to the GP and then get refered again, but ive never mentioned the biting and things before.. I keep being told medication wont help and i'm too young (even though im 18) only medication i've ever been given was diazapam for a few nights but the 5mg didnt work. Its the second CPN i was seeing thats discharged me, as soon as I feel at all better they say off you go.

Yeah I can understand how to do things. I struggle enough with normal things. Controlling it makes it easier for now like I just don't want to be thought of more mad than I am.
Sorry
Thank you muchly for your comment.
Ellie
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Avatar_f_tn
There was a compulsive behaviors expert forum at medhelp.  I wasn't aware that things such as skin picking, etc would be classed as ocd but they are.  The biting could be a symptom of ocd.
ocd, I think, has grounds in anxiety.  As does bpd.

And the frustration then causes you to continue banging your head.

I think that due to funding issues health services are more likely to discharge you than to follow through until you are well enough to be discharged.

Medication could potentially help your anxiety (ocd) and mood symptoms.  For me personally, I prefer to work through things psychologically rather than use medication, which merely masks symptoms.  Sometimes medication can help you get to a point where you are more able to access psychological input though.  I'm not sure why you would be denied medication if it could help relieve some of your distress.  Granted the brain is still developing at your age but even young children have been placed on psych meds.  And theoretically they perhaps shouldn't have even diagnosed you with bpd at your age either as the personality is still developing.

When you do talk to your GP and ask for a referral I think that you should also ask for psychotherapy.  I don't think that seeing a psych nurse will be particularly helpful to you.  Therapy will help with both the ocd and bpd.

You're not mad or crazy, it's a disorder, an illness like any other.

Have you been able to identify why you bite?  Are you able to pause long enough to try and think about why you are doing it?  Any understanding will help you in the long-term.
When you do see your doctor it would be a good idea to tell them about all your issues.  The quickest and easiest way is to be honest with them.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi, sorry i am not much help to anyone these days but why have your mental health team discharged you? You possibly need more help and support from them as well to help you understand why you do what you do. I hope it all works out for you.
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1378381_tn?1365736090
Oh thats an odd thing. being ocd i mean. i do have ocd tendancies but i would never have thought biting would have been one.
Yeh frustration is the hardest thing. therapist kept saying "it's not frustration, its anger" but to me they are the same thing.
Yeh they really don't have the funding, even though people who need their help are then being put at risk. Seems a bit backwards..
I've been to two different CPNs and a mental hospital several phyciatrists and only the one in the mental hospital thought it was nessicary for medication. They say I could ask if I can't cope but I'm not suicidal anymore and I don't have as bad a sleeping pattern so I don't see what they can do for me anymore..I know medication aint a cure ever and phycotherapy is more efficiant but the last CPN i was with wound me up soo much, to try and show me I was angry and picking fights then laughing when I got worked up.It confuses me to no end. She went on about how it was emotional therapy and normally she'd teach it in a group. (I'm kind of confused why she didnt't put me in a group to be honest cause she said there were better results that way, i know im not a people person but ack i just i cant tell them everything i feel like its tooo private)
Ive been in the system for a few years and they never ever told me what was wrong just kept treating me saying oh I had this or that and the next thing. Then the most recent CPN had me working out a book thats supposed to help people with BPD
I'm not a big fan of doctors at all..so saying what I have to say is hard. First time I met my new GP i'd attempted suicide. So now ever since thats all he wants to talk about. He's the best doctor there I just don't know how to trust what I say to be taken seriously unless my partner is with me. I've only been for assessments before and they say put me on therapy and come back if i want medication, but i moved last year so its all changed i need to see the gp to refer to somewhere else to refer me to somewhere else. I'm not a risk or priority.
I feel like I'm mad. I know none of what I spill is right. I don't know how to ask for help from professionals cause they always seem to let me down.
Agression sometimes make me bite or when I want something, but most of the time I don't have an emotion I just do it then realise and feel guilty..Sometimes I get warning, like i feel I want to bite something other times I don't know I've already bitten before I even know whats going on.
I always forget, they scare me and I don't want to sound like I'm faking or like I'm being meladramatic or something. I try to be honest i'm just scared of the concequences.even if they are good.

Thank you for taking the time to write and help me.
Ellie
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1378381_tn?1365736090

I seemed happier because I have a place to live, I'm with my partner and college was going well enough so the CPN said that we could stop working together. She asked if wanted to stay on but I wasn't really much for talking. (i get really nervous and depressed if even the slightest thing goes wrong, and right now i just lost my baby cousin and had a pervert try pay me to take my clothes off, so i'm still a little more shaken then ive been in a long time)
I just don't know who or what to ask to get more help. If i take my partner along, she knows how I am but I doubt they'd bother. I just hate hurting her and still hurting myself.

Thank you for the message..
Ellie
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Avatar_f_tn
Anger and frustration sometimes feel the same to me too.  Anger is sometimes said to be a blanket emotion.  I guess that means that sometimes we can just label our feelings as anger when they are actually something else that we haven't been able to define.

I think that a lot of the problem comes from not having proper prevention or identification programs in place so that intervention can occur at a young age and because health professionals don't treat the problem effectively and discharge individuals too early.  health professionals, here anyway, will medicate patients and send them out the door.  It seems inevitable that patients will relapse and require more services.

I was asked to learn stuff from a book for treating patients with bpd too.  I asked if I had bpd and they said no.  After an overdose I accessed my medical records and I saw it written there.

I disagree with the way your psych nurse treated you.  I think inciting angry is unhelpful and potentially dangerous.  I believe that there are better ways to work through issues.

There is always a risk with patients with bpd.
I agree with therapy as being the best course of action, maybe supplemented with medication depending on your preferences and circumstances.

Maybe not having an emotion means that you have pushed stuff away.  Maybe biting helps you to feel stuff??

When you go to appointments you're allowed to take support people with you.  If your partner is available to go with you to your appointments that could be a huge help for you.

Good luck with your doctor.  Don't forget to tell them how agitated you feel.  Agitation may help them understand how unsettled you feel.
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1378381_tn?1365736090
I always say i'm frustrated not angry. But they said it was actually anger I was feeling i just didn't understand the emotions. I'm an "emotionless" person aparently because I can't physically show emotions like everyone else except for frustration.I don't smile much, I don't speek to people enthusiastically and stuff (well I do if i know what i'm talking about but i get frustrated when people don't understand)

Yep here either, I mean the reason I was picked up again was a suicide attempt but it wasn't it was misconstrude as one(I got medication that manages the pain).A load of crap really I had a lot of pain and overdosed. They discharge you as soon as the sympoms they know of disipate and don't ever care to notice the details that would help them identify the real problem. Because of my age they don't feel confident giving me medication, or atleast that what they always said but I'm nearly 19 now so ack well.

I think it's stupid that they hide it from patients. I mean i was too young to be diagnosed with it the first time but this time i was old enough. But they still haven't told me but i've seen it.

She was trying to show me that I was angry and that i got agressive. I guess she knew what she was doing. I'd have though there were better ways to get through the issues too but oh well.

A risk? when your 18 you don't exactly want to be on medication (the pain medication and tens unit makes things easier than it was to work but if i was on more i'm not sure what to do) They always did say I could ask if I wanted medication as well as the therapy.

Makes me bite, I guess it makes me feel guilty and frustrated which tends to be more than the nothingness i tend to feel before it. if that ways sense.

My partner works with me to help me but I don't know if its entirely real to her. Because when i was first going to CPN (at high school) she said she'd come with me but never did.
It might help, she does say she'll go with me to dental appointments and stuff so maybe she'll come to the doctors. She keeps saying the biting is okay though so I feel like I have to put it off and not be so worried about it.

I shall do. Yeah agitation is a killer.


Thank you for talking with me.x
Ellie
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Avatar_f_tn
Don't you mean anger?  Sorry, it was a lame joke.

You could have an underlying mood disorder too.  Depression or dsythymia is common in people with bpd.  If you don't feel happy then you're not going to be enthusiastic, etc.  same goes for anxiety.  If you're too busy worrying about stuff, chances are you aren't going to be relaxed and happy and carefree.

I nearly did that too once.  I had just had my wisdom teeth out and I have dry sockets plus infections.  I didn't realise that pain relief wasn't going to help the exposed bone and I had truckloads of them.  I had to pick a family member up from the airport (a three hour drive away) and just about passed out.  I felt pretty lousy plus I was driving way, way slow on the motorway where people usually do 100 + km/ hr.

And they don't bother to follow up.

You should ask about it, if you're interested.  Here, if asked they have to disclose it to you.

Are they working with you to better manage your pain?

Could be to alleviate the emotions?

The biting is a problem for you and therefore should be addressed.

Ask her and good luck.
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1378381_tn?1365736090

Its okay. I lack the intellegence to get jokes and sarcasm.

I've had depression for years like since i was 12.(got to the stage my dad called me "emo panda" coz well i cut and stuff and I couldn't sleep, then again I've been caring for him since i was little so it didn't help). I understand your logic just always anxious I'm gonna get shouted at or that. Yeah i have relax cds and stuff to do to calm me down. I tried doing a zen thing on the wii fit plus where you sit still for 3minutes and I can't even do that.

Not good. It really isn't the best idea in the world. Not good to be going slow. then again you can't really change it if you feel lousy. I deliberately made sure I wasn't drinking but I took about 15x the recomended dose, ended up soo ill i had to go to A&E then to the mental hosp cause of it.

I might cause tis getting on my nerves. And I want to be told.

Yeah my GP helped me third one I went to gave me Menifenic Acid, and I use a TENS unit to enable me to cope with it.

The medication does stop hormones which means I'm not as cranky and sarcastic and bitchy (i never knew how bad i was til after the medication wore off, even my partner was nervous at how agressive i got/get)

The biting just makes me feel like bull crap..

Thank you. I shall try.
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Avatar_f_tn
Is sometimes hard to tell on the net too.  You're not unintelligent.  You seem bright enough to me.  I think it has more to do with your own feelings of insecurity, etc.

That doesn't sound very validating on your father's behalf (although maybe he thought that it was endearing).

Try breaking it down into smaller parts if you need too.  Lack of concentration can be a symptom of depression.  30 seconds, etc may be a more appropriate goal to start with.  Or maybe just getting out of the house and going for a walk or something.

Pain relief can be dangerous and cause liver problems later so you need to be careful.

Have you made your doctor's appoitment yet?  You could ask to see if they have a longer appointment too so as not to put too much pressure on you.  My GP sees me as his last appointment.  That way he can take his time, even if it does go into his lunch break.
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1378381_tn?1365736090

I'm not that unintellegent I just learn differently from other people. Its hard to process jokes and sarcasm for me. I get help with my college because I don't comprehend simple instructions, I tend to need it broke down before I understand what I have to do. Then it comes to real life and I'm lost I don't learn I just go along and end up getting into trouble for doing something wrong I didn't know was wrong.

He was trying to make me see that I was being stupid in his own way. He's a bit odd like me and we did talk when I got down when I was younger, and he knew why. I think he thought it was stupid that I didn't sleep so I could look after him. I was always stressed out looking after him emotional so it didn't help when I was struggling at school and with mum then relationships I just get sooooo frustrated with just little things. I wasn't smart enough, I didn't get sleep, I was being abused by my boyfriend and the time. It was the best thing to keep my self esteem up or keep me happy. I broke and ended up in the stupid mental health system. (My dad only knew that i was fighting with mum and struggling with sleep so when he said stuff it was kinda trying to encourage me to do more)

I have suck bad concentration trying to do this whilst my partner is talking to me I pause and miss both its useless. I can't think in the future either. We have a calander on the wall and as soon as something important comes up that needs to be done its put on it. Otherwise I haven't got a clue about it when it comes up. I used to always got for an hour walk a day just can't find my motivation.I mean I do walk alot its a good walk to and from the bus stop to the house but Its not alot when you don't do it everyday.

The painrelief I have has loads of risks but I can only take it for 5days at a time anyway, and to be honest I never need it that long, two or three tends to be enough and just use the TENS UNIT the last few days. I think I know better not to OD any more especially now I know the risks.

I have to make the appointment on the day I go. And can't chose when it is in the day. I don't want to waist their time.. That'd be good but I kinda think my GP thinks I'm attention seeking.. I wish I had time this week but I don't really. I have work tomorrow(i need to do it) and on thursday the room needs cleaned so my fiancees dad can come over. then friday i have the dentist to lose some teeth..
I know i'm making excuses I always do its stupid. Sorry.
Thank you though.
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Avatar_f_tn
You're not unintelligent at all.  Sounds like you just need to work out what works for you best.  For me, I probably learn best visually or hands on.

Have they screened you for learning disabilities, etc?  Proper treatment could help you become more self-reliant/ less in need of help from others.

Lack of sleep can make us more vulnerable.  Having other issues with that is huge.  Hopefully being in the system will allow you the support you need.  Systems have both advantages and disadvantages.

That's probably part of a mood issue.  Mum frequently interrupts me when I'm typing so I lose my train of thought and then i've missed an important part of the conversation.  Distraction isn't good for concentration or memory either.

My ability to concentrate was also extremely low when I was iron deficient.  Driving around with the handbrake on, that sort of stuff.  I struggle to look forward too.

The exercise is good.  Have you spoken to someone about your memory issues?  Is that likely just an anxiety/ mood thing?  Maybe pain relief thing?

I haven't hurt myself since having all these major issues/ fears following a drug od.  It's both good and bad.  Good in the fact I'm not hurting myself but terrible when I feel so bad and can't escape from it.  I haven't been able to access decent mh care here which has been frustrating.

You don't need to apologise.  It sounds like you're full on at the moment.  Do see the doctor sometime and get that re-referral.

I hope you have a good week.
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