Both me and my partner have BPD help?

Both me and my partner have BPD is there any advice for the both of us to cope with each other without affecting each other?? Technically I am the worse of two and he takes more care of me but lately we have been not holding it out together but we really love each other and would like to work it out.

[SunLillyFairy]

You're taking on so much.., both of you.

I would suggest you both focus on your own needed work.., and not the other persons.

Both of you should be seeing different therapists.

And then, a 3rd therapist will be needed, a "couples counselor", for you to see EVERY week and bring up the struggles you're having so you can learn to work through them one at a time.., it's a good way to learn. Patterns tend to repeat.., so it's like anything else.., once you have the skills to understand what is behind your "couple" issues, and the skills to work through them together.., the next time the same issue comes up you will be that much easier.

For your individual therapists..., It's VERY important that you find SKILLED, EXPERIENCED therapists that have the proper training for BPD. It is considered one of the hardest MH issues to treat and a lot of therapists don't even try.

Finding the right therapists can really be a struggle. For BPD I think going with a same-sex therapist is best for most people.., but we're all individuals so you have to figure that one out for yourself. Many people with BPD will admit that if they have an opposite-sex therapist they won't open-up to everything they are thinking/doing and have a need to "please" or "look good" to the therapist. This is not something that many BPD patients can help and it hinders your ability to progress.

For a couples counselor.., the work in their office will be more about how to learn to support eachother w/out being co-dependant and without killing each-other.., it's about learning to work through arguments and feelings.., so look for a therapist that has a lot of couples experience and problem-solving skills.., and a general understanding of BPD is helpful.

You two have a hard road ahead of you.., you will either come together in a tight bond that most others will not be able to come close to understanding.., or you will bring eachother down and your relationship will stunt the possible growth of both of you as individuals...,

that's why you both need to make sure you contine to see your individual therapists and work toward your individual recoveries as well. You will not be able to grow as a couple unless you grow as individuals.

I wish you the best.

[freebird227]

Well sunlillyfairy couldn't have laid it out any better.Right on the mark. Tonight a girlfriend sent me a web site  IMAGO THERAPY. I am familure with this because it is based off some of Harvel Hindrix work done back in the 90's ?The newer updated version. Always interview your couples T.and hopefully you both already have your own T.I'm the bpd in our marriage my husband has all the other itmancy issues LOL.
Couples theray really opened our eyes as to why and how we behaved so poorly at times and we had to become willing to do the work,it wasn't easy,but I don't believe we would be together today if we hadn't.
We would go back if things got out of hand.....Good Luck