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Broke up with my BPD Girlfriend...What to expect???
I don't want to bore you with the long details but bare wih me...recently I had been seeing someone it started quickly with her professkng her love for me after our first date, and things developed quickly from there, we talked alot and saw each other a couple times over the next 5 weeks, and I was suppose to go visit her for a few days but honestly was tired of the mood swings and the verbal abuse, and I told her that I wouldn't be coming if she was going to continue hammering me, and then she unleashed a tirade of texts on me calling me every name in the book, I had no contact with her and then a week later she texts me that "No guy will ever compare to me and how she feels about me" I responded by telling her Thanks that means alot and she has a special place in my heart, she then responded asking me if that was closure lol..... I told her a week ago she told me to got to hell and die and then she tells me no guy will ever compare to me, and that I love her but I don't want to be called names, accused of cheating all the time (which this was a constant) and have her throw things that I say back in my face all the time so she responded that I was a jerk and a bunch of four letter words and that I was cocky and she never was in love with me it was just a challenge for her and I'm the opposite of any guy she has ever dated and that she was ok never seeing me or talking to me again..... So I responded Thanks and take care...... My question is its been 12 days since that conversation I have read an enormous amount on BPD and I am wondering if you think she will attempt to make contact again or will she just move on...... ?? Any experience or insight would be helpful
Read your post nice that you can have a positive outlook. What area of the U.S.A. Are you in?
I came across this comment area and thought it was a good place to get this down and share my experience with a BPD girl who has changed my life forever. So I'm 55 and began dating this past Fall a woman who is 34. Normally, I'm not into younger women, but I was super drawn to her and seemingly she to me. Within the first half hour of meeting her she was telling me intimate details about her controlling mother, which I asked her to hold on to and perhaps she could tell me over dinner? So we went out and boy we just had all these things in common from sense of humor to movie tastes to the way we viewed the world. I was pretty thrilled and began to think that despite the age difference, maybe this was destined to be, especially since I look ten years younger than my age? She told me how everyone in her family hated her or they were estranged, also how she had had to work on not assaulting people in HS if they touched her. I was intrigued by these descriptions and decided to go online to look up BPD as my therapist years ago had mentioned it in some conversation we had. I pulled it up and began reading about it and after I had finished I realized the personality it described was myself...
This woman and I were both BPD sufferers. I was literally in shock and realized my predicament: how could I tell this person, who by now I was becoming very attached to, that I believed we both had this condition without totally killing everything?
The weeks moved forward and I was constantly fighting the urge to cut things off with her. She was going to rdject me, or this thing or that thing. I stopped myself though and hid these feelings and urges for that was what BPD did and I controlled my reactions.
Eventually she beat me to it and ZAPPED out on me over the holidays calling me an *******, then apologizing, then I texted her confessing that I believed we both had BDP (4am was probably a bad time to text this, hey I couldn't sleep!). That was it. I got a barrage of language telling me I was this thing and that thing and to never contact her again.
I figured that was the probable outcome if I told her we probably shared this condition and I was right. I'm picking the splinters from my heart as I write this, but I'd have to say I have no regrets. I'd tell her again. It was kind of my duty in a way. Maybe she'll get curious and look it up and get the help she needs like I am now. Who can live like this?
I contacted a BPD therapist and have enrolled in a DBT group as well as individual therapy. I can't believe this got missed in my life? I spent 7 years in therapy for depression and PTSD from being abused by my ******* father and this was completely missed. I kept thinking, "there's still something wrong, what am I missing?" I wonder now if this is why I was drawn to her and to other women like her? Looking back I've always been addicted to women with this profile. The minute I see their eyes I am drawn to them. I figure now that the attraction was because they had the answers I needed to cure myself: a mirror of myself,
When I buy a boat I'm going to cristen it the "Tia Renee" in her honor, for she changed my life forever and luckily I'm young enough to not die in a Borderline haze. Guess I kinda loved that girl.
This woman and I were both BPD sufferers. I was literally in shock and realized my predicament: how could I tell this person, who by now I was becoming very attached to, that I believed we both had this condition without totally killing everything?
The weeks moved forward and I was constantly fighting the urge to cut things off with her. She was going to rdject me, or this thing or that thing. I stopped myself though and hid these feelings and urges for that was what BPD did and I controlled my reactions.
Eventually she beat me to it and ZAPPED out on me over the holidays calling me an *******, then apologizing, then I texted her confessing that I believed we both had BDP (4am was probably a bad time to text this, hey I couldn't sleep!). That was it. I got a barrage of language telling me I was this thing and that thing and to never contact her again.
I figured that was the probable outcome if I told her we probably shared this condition and I was right. I'm picking the splinters from my heart as I write this, but I'd have to say I have no regrets. I'd tell her again. It was kind of my duty in a way. Maybe she'll get curious and look it up and get the help she needs like I am now. Who can live like this?
I contacted a BPD therapist and have enrolled in a DBT group as well as individual therapy. I can't believe this got missed in my life? I spent 7 years in therapy for depression and PTSD from being abused by my ******* father and this was completely missed. I kept thinking, "there's still something wrong, what am I missing?" I wonder now if this is why I was drawn to her and to other women like her? Looking back I've always been addicted to women with this profile. The minute I see their eyes I am drawn to them. I figure now that the attraction was because they had the answers I needed to cure myself: a mirror of myself,
When I buy a boat I'm going to cristen it the "Tia Renee" in her honor, for she changed my life forever and luckily I'm young enough to not die in a Borderline haze. Guess I kinda loved that girl.
I am 38 years old, currently separated from my suspected BPD wife (no offical diagnosis, so only an assumption), she split me to black, immediately jumped into another relationship, is living with another man, and wants no contact with me whatsoever. I'm on the fence about still trying to 'save' her nor not, she is repeating the same thing she did before - except before, I was the 'Prince' she jumped out of her last marriage to be with.. Now I'm the one picking up the pieces of our life together, dealing with all the debt, mess, and stress while she starts a new life over before I even knew our current life was ending.... yet for some inexplicable reason, I want her back? Or do I? Hell I don't really know. I have a million and one reasons to give her up, but only one keeping me wanting her back... I love her, as crazy and deluded as that sounds, I love her.
As a person who couldnt continue a 4 month relationship with a BPD girl i can vibe with mark . For me after reading the net and going through emotional abuse everyday i thought why i ended the relationship . It was not because of the emotional abuse . Because as a chronic depressive myself i too get very irritable at times .
In my case it was because even during the "normal " times she was not ready to work on the relationship or see a therapist . She used to get angry at the very mention of therapy . And even during "normal " times she was never there for me when i got upset with the world . Since some BPD people especially high functioning ones have coexisting Narcissistic personality disorder ( not generalising at all ) some BPD individuals are a real challenge in relationships .
Read extensively about BPD as each person is different , If she was like Beanie 0 who is self aware i would not have ended my relationship .
Beanie 0 im really so happy that you are in a relationship for so many years and wish you all the best .
And mark read so much , take your time and take a decision .
Is she undergoing therapy especially DBT ?
regards
In my case it was because even during the "normal " times she was not ready to work on the relationship or see a therapist . She used to get angry at the very mention of therapy . And even during "normal " times she was never there for me when i got upset with the world . Since some BPD people especially high functioning ones have coexisting Narcissistic personality disorder ( not generalising at all ) some BPD individuals are a real challenge in relationships .
Read extensively about BPD as each person is different , If she was like Beanie 0 who is self aware i would not have ended my relationship .
Beanie 0 im really so happy that you are in a relationship for so many years and wish you all the best .
And mark read so much , take your time and take a decision .
Is she undergoing therapy especially DBT ?
regards
Sounds like she is suffering. I have B.P.D. but my partner is patient, he sometimes has to escape to a mates place. I get really nasty to him. Although we have been together for 16 years and I Love him, when I am ill and very emotionally unstable I finish with him regularly. My self-esteem is very low and when I'm having a wobbly one I push him away to protect myself- it makes me feel in control. I get overwhelming thoughts that I'm no good and he'll leave me so I jump in first. He is 47 and I am 37, he suffers from schizo-effective disorder and understands emotional suffering. We talk about things and have come to a mature way of working well together in our relationship - and overcoming difficult times. It takes patience, time and a lot of love. If I was not ill and I hurt him on purpose - we wouldn't be together. It's give and take in a relationship and women tend to be more emotional. If you didn't react so much to her emotional upset that would make a huge difference to her behavior towards you in my view. I feel upset - too many people think a person suffering with B.P.D should not be allowed a relationship:-(
Block her phone number, delete and block her from facebook, block her from twitter, and block her from your email accounts. That's all you have to do.
Whether or not she has BPD, you do not want to be with her - you broke up with her. You obviously do not want to be in contact with her or have this person in your life. So block her number and all contact online.
If she is a bit obsessed, she might have friends call or call from other numbers. Just don't answer from numbers you don't recognize.
If she shows up at your door or threatens you, tell her you will take out a restraining order.
That's it. Doesn't matter if she has BPD or not. If someone is obsessive after a breakup - you have to break all contact with them. You don't need to send messages explaining "why" you broke up or get involved with arguments, name calling, or any of the drama. You just BLOCK the number, delete the texts.
Block. Delete. Block. Delete.
Whether or not she has BPD, you do not want to be with her - you broke up with her. You obviously do not want to be in contact with her or have this person in your life. So block her number and all contact online.
If she is a bit obsessed, she might have friends call or call from other numbers. Just don't answer from numbers you don't recognize.
If she shows up at your door or threatens you, tell her you will take out a restraining order.
That's it. Doesn't matter if she has BPD or not. If someone is obsessive after a breakup - you have to break all contact with them. You don't need to send messages explaining "why" you broke up or get involved with arguments, name calling, or any of the drama. You just BLOCK the number, delete the texts.
Block. Delete. Block. Delete.
1 Comments
I agree completely with this and I have BPD. I do obsess but I also do drop any break up argumentative quickly. It's really easy for people with BPD to latch on someone else, too. And fast. Which probably has already happened.
It doesn't matter if she has BPD or not. You do not find her a desirable companion. End of story.
If she gets back in touch with you, don't indulge in a long conversation. Just tell her it is over. Eventually she will move on.
If she gets back in touch with you, don't indulge in a long conversation. Just tell her it is over. Eventually she will move on.
Agree with remar. As for whether GF will contact you again, you will just have to wait and see. She certainly might. On the other hand, she might not, especially if she has gotten distracted by someone else in the meantime. If I were you, I would pray for that, that someone else has come along.
It's possible that she may have BPD. It's also possible that she is very immature and controlling. Most people do not want to put up with and do not deserve verbal abuse.
I wish I could say for sure if she has BPD. She does have several of the possible symptoms. Really though, only a Dr can diagnose her.
I wish I could say for sure if she has BPD. She does have several of the possible symptoms. Really though, only a Dr can diagnose her.
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