So just recently I've felt as if something has changed. I feel like a switch in my head has just turned off. I began to feel more anxious and depressed for about a week but yesterday I felt like a different person. I couldn't prepare food (I work at a cafe) like I usually do. I couldn't focus or think at all. And all my coworkers knew as soon as they saw me that something was completely off. A few days before that I was crying a lot. My friends in a new relationship and it triggered SMS serious feelings about failure and fear of being alone. Last night I also had an anxiety attack after feeling completely listless all day. I thought I was going to have a seizure and I kept waking up throughout the night feeling anxious or angry. I don't want talk with anyone or do anything. Also i keep having negative thoughts. They seem to jump out at me from nowhere for no reason. I know some of these things are symptoms of depression, which I have been diagnosed with at 14 or 15. But today even though I still feel a bit off, there is still this dullness, I feel better. The reason I wonder if I have borderline is because I feel like my mood will change too rapidly. For example today I felt better, I could talk to my coworkers and laugh a bit (not as much as I used to but I didn't mind too much) but then randomly I'd start thinking negative thoughts and I would just spiral back down, then I'd get distracted and feel a bit better. The strange dull feeling was still there though. Also when I came home I felt better and thought I would go do some errands, but then I'd get too anxious to leave. Or I would see my family and clam up again. Also I will lose my temper at the stupidest things. Like if I can't get to something I'll feel like punching something. But after the burst I'll forget about it. I'm just so confused. Before this troubling week I was feeling pretty good. Now I feel out o control. I can't afford therapy and I would just like to talk to someone.
BPD can be very hard to diagnose. I'm thinking that it is severe depression and anxiety and not BPD. Please know that I am not a Dr and I can not diagnose you. I highly recommend seeing a Dr. Preferably a Psychiatrist to get a correct diagnosis.
Can you say why you were diagnosed at 14 or 15 with depression and anxiety? Were there things that happened in your childhood? Parents divorced, something like that?
You can have mood changes with depression and anxiety. It sounds like you still stay in a low mood though most of the time.
I'm here to listen and help if I can.
Hi thank you for your response. Well when I was 13 my dad died but I had a pretty hectic childhood so I'm sure that may have something to do with my depression. I feel a bit confused today because I feel a lot better. Wednesday was very difficult because I woke up at 1 am after falling asleep at 11 Tuesday night. I just woke up and did not fall asleep till I got off work in the early afternoon. That has not happened to me in a very long time. I had a set sleeping schedule for months and months and months, but all of a sudden I'm awake at night. And I'm so tired when I wake up. Like I'm so out of it. My eyes feel super heavy and my my mind will not function. And again I know this can be a sign of depression. Oh also I had no desire to eat. Like I was hungry and I could think. Oh food sounds good, but actually getting anything was out of the question I just didn't care enough. But today, even though waking up was not easy, I had a good day, and I ate a lot because I was so hungry. I'm very confused because I don't really know what's going on with me. I want to get help but when I feel better I just don't see the point.
I'm so sorry that you lost your dad. I do understand what that feels like because I lost mine when I was 14. Yes! That could have so much to do with your depression. Did your mom get you in to any kind of counseling after you lost your dad?
Depression can be a strange thing. I have it myself and some days are really good while others can be awful.
There is a point to getting help. First, you need a diagnosis. Then you go from there. You need to know what kind of therapy to get and if meds may help you.
I'm glad to hear you were able to eat.
From what you've written I really don't think you have BPD. I'm leaning more towards depression.
Have you checked out the Depression Forum here at Medhelp to read some of the stories? You will most likely see some similarities as to what you're going through.
I just finished reading your comments. I don't know much about BPD,
but from what I read about your post, what you're describing is probably
symptoms related to depression. I had a very bad depression about
12 years ago now. When I read your comments, I totally identify with
the things that you are experiencing because I experienced many of
them myself during my depression. I know you said you were diagnosed
with depression when you were in your early teens. I'm so sorry for the
loss of your dad. My dad has passed too. Your mention of not being
able to sleep, not being interested in food, basically avoiding talking to
your family or friends are all things I went through during my depression.
I didn't even know I was depressed when it happened as I wasn't
aware of the signs of depression. All this aside, here's what I did.
I went to my family doctor at the time. I told her the symptoms I was
having. I was also working at the time. At the time, I was already taking
an antidepressant. My doctor renewed the prescription that I was on.
My story of recovery is very involved and did involve taking sick leave
for 6 months. It was impossible for me to work and I was under a
doctor's care the whole time as well as a psychiatrist for the meds.
Are you currently taking an antidepressant ? If you are not taking an
antidepressant, I would recommend going to make a visit to your
family doctor and tell him or her what symptoms you've been experiencing
lately. Your doctor will then decide the next course of action for you.
You say sometimes you feel okay and can function normally and sometimes you "spiral" your words. Your symptoms definitely suggest
to me that you need to see your doctor. In my case, what happened,
is the antidepressant I had been taking for lets say 6 -8 years wasn't
helping anymore. My tendency towards depression is hereditary.
Under a doctor's care, I was hospitalized after having a major anxiety
attack which I thought was a heart attack. During my hospital stay,
I was introduced to a new antidepressant and because I was in the
hospital , I could be monitored closely and my meals were provided.
I had another bout of depression about three years ago, but because
of the fact that I recognized the signs of depression, I could nip it in
the bud and I was put on a new antidpressant which for me works
really well. There's a bit of trial and error in choosing the right antidepressant, but depression can be kept under control .I know I've
posted a lot, but if anything I've said helps you, I'm glad. I wish you
well, unsure118. You can get better, but you need help to do it.
Be well. Eve :)
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