Child of BPD Parent

When I was younger, I was convinced that there was something inately wrong with me.  Perhaps I had just been born to fail and disappoint my mother.  But as I grew older, a teenager, I began to recognize inconsistancies.  Sometimes she would brag to everyone who would listen about how smart/funny/successful I was and other times it was as though she hated me.  I took care of her and sometimes it was really validating to fix a problem.  She needed me.  But I got to the point where I didn't think she even saw me or anyone else as a real person.  She seemed to think that she felt things more than other people, stronger.  Others didn't have the emotional depth that she had.
She fluctuated between being a compotent woman, capable of taking care of herself and berating me constantly to a helpless childlike persona, going so far as to speak in a different voice, high and soft, and acting as though she couldn't do anything and crying helplessly when confronted with a problem.
After being hateful and degrading towards, sometimes just an hour later she would act as though nothing had happened, without apology or acknowledgement.  Several times I confronted her about things she said or did and I really believe that she didnt think she did those things.  
After a final straw, I ended my relationship with her.  I stated if all she wanted to tell me was what a disappointed I was and how ashamed I made her, she could say it to someone else.  That was six months ago.  I am trying to come to grips with the fact she will never be the person I want her to be, but that doesn't mean I don't want help for her.
I understand this is common for children of BPD Parents but its what I want.
What would be the best way for me to get help for her?  Confrontation? Child Services(I have younger siblings)?
I believe she has BPD and I understand its treatable.  

-Melissa

[Fallen_A]

So long mother doesn't have insight of her illness. You can't do a lot, more then take care of yourself. I know this is not the answer you would like to have.  

Confrontation, is not a good idea. Not if that is borderline as a ground. That will just make it worse.

Child services if you believe that your siblings are in any danger, otherwise nothing.

You cant help anyone who hasn't any insight of their illness, only thing what will happens that you get hurt.

*Take Care*

[juliasarah]

Melissa,

I know how you feel, exactly.  My mother has BPD and I have struggled my whole life dealing with the guilt, manipulation, uncontrollable anger outbursts, etc.  For as long as I can remember I have just looked forward to the "up" times, the times when through her eyes I was seen as "good, loving, the best."  But these times always ended, and something would trigger a selfish rage- an angry outburst that was never followed by an apology.  On my wedding day, my first Christmas with my husband, before going out of the country(basically any important event)... she completely freaked out on me, calling me names and blaming me for something trivial I did to cause the situation.  

For most of my life I took the abuse, apologized for causing her anger, and looked forward to the times of relative peace.  Now that I am married and thinking of having children of my own, I realize that the relationship I have with my mother is abusive and detrimental to my own health, and my own ability to be a good wife/mother.  Just the other day my husband wrote a letter to my mom telling her that we need some boundaries, that she needs to stop fighting and that she cannot stay with us anymore and vice versa.  Needless to say, that brought out the worst and I don't expect things to get better soon.  

I have always had an extremely close relationship with my mom, so it is very sad for me to cut ties.  I don't want to cut ties completely, but I am leaving it up to her... If she decides to take responsibility, apologize, and try to control herself (and accept the consequences of her previous actions against me and my family)... then I think there is hope for a decent relationship.  It's really hard to separate from someone that you love- but I believe that sometimes it's the best thing to help a person wake up and get better.

I hope my story helps~ I would say more confrontation won't do much good.  Books on BPD are pretty helpful (although hard to put into practice)  I liked "Understanding the Borderline Mother" a lot)