I am so hurt and confused.
I was dating this guy for six months. Good looking, successful 52 years old man. With two master degree.
He told me right in the beginning of our relationship that his parents were alcoholics and he lived in a very chaotic, violent house. He said he wasn’t affectionate and that was probably why he never had a relationship. I was concerned by didn’t know anything about BPD. Never heard of it.
Later he told me he suffered from abandonment issues and trust issues. The trust issue I could tell as he seemed to wonder where I was, who I was with a bit too much.
But we were having a wonderful relationship and we were in love. It ended up that he was very affectionate after all and said that he has never dated someone as affectionate as me. But the struggle with intimacy was very clear. After five dates I kissed him as I saw that it wouldn’t happen otherwise. He seems to like affection but it was clear that he was very uncomfortable about it. Sometimes in the middle of a cuddle it would cross my mind that he was having flash backs as he would look nervous and even got up and left a couple times.
Well to make a long story short. He said how much he liked me and wanted to be with me and that he would like me to move in with him when my rental lease was up (in one year). Two weeks later he broke up with me. He said I am insecure and he needed a secure and stable woman. He needed an equal.
I was confused. Up to that point he was so sweet and loving. All the sudden he decided that I was insecure and it was over.
It has been two months. I am so hurt.
Can anyone give me insight on what happened from a BPD perspective?
Is it a fear of intimacy? Abandonment? If that is so, do they know that is the real reason for the break up?
Do they ever come around or he will always see me in this negative light?
Do they ever regret giving up in a relationship so easily?
I’d like to point out that when he broke up with me he said I was his longest relationship. (6 months)
Okay I have bpd and can only give you my opinion. If he does suffer from bpd and did sincerely start to care about you the idea of getting close to someone can make you turn and run in the other direction as fast as you can. It may not be fair but the "fear of abandonment" issue is very real & speaking from personal experience I have left people that I cared about because I figured it was only a matter of time before I was figured out & not good enough. Its how we feel a lot of the time and we can talk ourselves out of situations where we see that we can get hurt down the road. I am not suggesting you try to recover this relationship though because if he did come around you will find yourself in this same position time and time again.
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