I knew I've had some sort of issues for a few years but never really understood what and was too scared to look into it or seek help. Now that it got 10 times worse and it's beginning to affect my life I've decided to check.
1. Extreme anxiety about being abandoned by my boyfriend, friends, mother.
- I have always always ended all my short lived relationships first before I get hurt. I was always scared of them leaving me even if I wasn't overly attached.
- I have only let one guy in, whom I've been for 3 years now, and because I've let him in I'm clinging on so hard. I'm constantly scared hell leave, or cheat, or die, constantly feel like I'm not good enough. He never gives me a reason to feel that way. I always start arguments over things that seem absolutely stupid, and 'over react'.
- I think all my friends don't care about me, and judge me. Same with my mum. And yet I'm so scared of them leaving me, so scared that I don't let them too close.
- whenever I call my bf or mum and they don't pick up straight away, first thing that comes to mind is that they died or they hate me, ignoring me, etc
2. Find myself worthless
- I never went through with uni, because I thought I would never pass, even though I passed all my a levels. I was jobless for a year because I was too scared of being rejected if I apply for jobs. When I finally got a job I was so stressed out because every single mistake I made made me feel like I'm worthless and I couldn't do anything right, so I called in sick a lot. I've been with them for a year now, and I still get absolutely humiliated every time I make the smallest mistake.
- I still have no clue what I wanna do with my life, I have too many hobbies, which I give up so quickly because I think that I suck at everything
3. Self harm and impulsive behaviour
- I used to have trichotillomania, pulled out my hair which I managed to stop. Cut myself, which I also managed to stop. I still slap myself, scratch myself, hit myself. Swear at myself. Go on drug binges, shoplift sometimes.
Does it sound like I have bpd? How should I consult my GP about this.
Hi there. Oh dear, you do sure seem to be suffering in silence don't you. Now, while I'm not a Dr or even a ''professional health care worker'', what I am is a long term (over 30 years) sufferer of diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. I have to say that quite a number of your ''symptoms'' certainly do sound like BPD, but so do a number of other thing and we mustn't jump to conclusions. However I really do urge you to seek out the advice of your Dr or health care professional ASAP. This is because although they personally may not be able to help you, they certainly will know in which direction to steer you. Also the only way to be helped and advised/treated is to be diagnosed, one won't happen without the other and the quicker you seek help, the quicker you will be helped. I am in London so can only speak as the system works within the UK, that begins with a visit to your GP (Dr). Good luck in finding the help you require. HUGS. Do come back and tell us how you got on. XX
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