At 17, my son married a 16-year old stand-offish, somewhat anti-social young lady (whom I'll call Amy), whose mother is either Bi-Polar or Schizophrenic. Mother abandoned Amy at age 5 and left her for father to raise, along with 2 year old brother. After brother went away to college, he was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizo. and sent home; and then to mental institution. My son is still married to Amy, and she just gave birth to their 7th child. She has totally shut out my side of the family from visiting or any communication whatsoever. Contrary to my efforts to "win her over" in the early years of their married, she was always hostile and accusatory, always inferring "I was up to something" if I did something nice for them. She has made my life a living hell; I have not seen my grandchildren in 5 years, and they refuse to communicate in any form. I am a very patient, loving and friendly person, and I allowed her to throw temper tantrums, spoil birthday parties, etc. without telling her off! I always bit my lip, and attributed it to an inherited mental disorder. However, My son sees nothing wrong with her. They live a totally isolated existance and the kids have never been to public school nor had vaccinations; & no one has been allowed to "babysit" them. Please confirm to me that she is mentally ill. (And I don't know what is wrong with my son! Perhaps too much LSD when young?)
I doubt that very much. He just doesn't want to deal with the issue of mental health. He knows and he is aware that you 'know". We don't have seven grandchildren but our DIL (soon to be ex) did not speak to me for over four years - always my fault. Do remember that you did not cause this, you cannot control this nor can you cure this. There is an excellent website with lots of fourms at "www.bpdfamily.com" which should offer some help.
You might also want to google the phrase "stockholm syndrome" which I feel could explain the behaviours of your son. I am so sorry ....
You are the mother I received the day I wed your son
And I just want to thank you for all the things you've done.
You have given me a gracious man with whom I share my life
You are his lovely mother
And I'm his lucky wife.
You used to pat his little head
And now I hold his hand
You raised in love a little boy
And gave to me a man
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