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Dealing with a wife with BPD
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Dealing with a wife with BPD

My wife was diagnosed with BPD when she was 29.  She became violent, controlling, a born-again christian and made me feel as if I had no control over my own life anymore.  I initiated a divorce 10 months ago, but still feel guilty for leaving her.  Is this a normal emotion, especially since I loved my wife dearly for 6 out of the 8 year marriage?  She will not seek help, and always made me feel as if her violence was my fault.  The violence escalated, and she would swing from a born again christian to a raging alcoholic, and was a very mean and violent drunk.  She was abused as a child, but refuses to believe she has a problem.  She is very successful in her day job earning over 100K a year.  I don't understand how she can be so successful at work, but so radical at home.  Needless to say, leaving her has brought enormous stability to my life, but I still feel guilty.
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Concerning her BPD - you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.  Of course you feel guilty about a divorce; however, I would feel more guilty about staying in a one-way relationship - a relationship that your wife was not stable enough to take her wedding vows and mean them.  If she does indeed suffer from BPD, then she should have never considered getting married until she (and you) understood the deficiencies in her immature personality and either accepted or rejected marriage.  You did not get what you bargained for and to me, that is a fraudulent contract.  As for being successful at work - BPD is a disorder that displays it most violent episodes with intimate relationships, so work is an unemotional place.

My DIL is an uBPD and I wish that this posting was written by my son.  No matter how horrible a divorce is - living with a partner with BPD is much, much worse.  And you are lucky if there are no children.  I wish you the best ....
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