Do I stick around to help my BPD ex?

[TheDrizzle]

I've never done anything like this, but I don't know where else to turn.
I recently became involved with a girl about a few months ago. In fact, she is a co-worker. We hit it off pretty much instantaneously. Within a few weeks we were in an exclusive relationship and things appeared to be going great. This was the first serious relationship I've ever had. The emotional bond I felt between us was so amazing that we were talking about marriage and kids within a month of being together. It seemed like nothing could stop us. But it's like they say, if it's to good to be true, it most likely is. Within a month she said that we needed to separate, and my world crumbled down around me.
A little background on her is that she is in therapy. To put it shortly, the girl had been dealt a crappy hand in the game of life. I would list the abuses she had gone through and the disorders she faces, but even though this is anonymous I still feel I should respect her privacy. But she is seeking help through therapy. It was because of her therapist that she decided to split-up to figure out her problems. My initial response to a break-up is to cut the ties completely (which I can do even with a co-worker). However, she asked me to remain her friend, and to be there for her. Seeing as how the break-up wasn't a bad one neccessarily, and the fact that I am head-over-heels in love with her, I agreed to stick by her. Ever since then, I've been riding the craziest emotional roller-coaster I wouldn't want anyone to experience. She seemed to still want me, and then shove me away. She'd tell me I should go out and hang with my friends, but then give me a guilt trip when I tried to. If it wasn't a guilt trip, she would become hostile and mean, and threaten to leave my life completely. Knowing that I'm still attached to her emotionally, she would purposely do and say things to make me hurt or jealous. During the relationship, I noticed a few red-flags. Her temper was easily irritable over the most mundane thing, and she was intentionally mean on several occassions. But I'm a resilient person and can deal with things like that. After the split, it seemed to just become worse.
Now up to this point I never heard of Borderline Personality Disorder. In fact, she is the one who told me about it. She had thought that she might have it, and researched it for a paper she was writing in her Psych class. She was able to self-diagnose herself with BPD from this research. She questioned her mother about this, and apparently her mother knew she had BPD since she was young, she just neglected to tell her this information. (Of note: her family is part of the reason she goes to therapy). This discovery just happened this week.
So now we come to my situation (I apologize for the long-winded story). I've been researching this disorder like a mad man and it seems everywhere I look it cautions anyone to not stick around someone like this. They all advise to run for the hills. But I just can't bring myself to make that decision. She has virtually no one to talk to about her personal life, and she seems like she wants to get better, which I've read is a HUGE step toward recovery as someone with BPD has to be able to recognize their problem and then do the right thing to get better themselves (not someone else telling them to do it). This all sounds good, but I'm still dealing with someone with BPD who makes me feel needed one day, and then hurts me or despises me the next. It's effecting my work and my social life, and I feel like I'm completely lost. I don't want to leave her to fend for herself, but I also don't want to be hurt.
So the question is, do I stick around, or cut the ties? Will that hurt her recovery if I leave?

[iam1butterfly]

I would suggest that you do a lot reading and research on the subject if you decide to stay in this girl's life. Had I'd known that my ex-boyfriend's explosive, unpredictable rage and excessive hostility had a name (BPD,) I probably wouldn't have personalized so much of his aggression and mean-spirited outbursts... I might have stuck it out with him. Then, again a person can only tolerate so much public humiliation and verbal abuse, regardless of the reasons behind the behavior.
Arm yourself with knowledge, compassion, understanding and patience... just make sure that you don't become someone else's "punching bag."
Good luck!

[Stacie106]

I was diagnosed with BPD in 2003. When you explain your ex, your talking alot about who I was. They say you can never be "cured" of this disorder. In your research I'm sure you found little positive. I just wanted to let you know that I am what they consider a "recovered BPD". It is always something I wil battle, but after two years in therapy and a supportive husband I learned the right coping skills and was able to learn new behaviors that let me lead a very normal "stable" life. When stress is high, the borderline starts to surface, but I am now equipped to recognize it take the steps I need to. I understand this is not real common, but my husband researched when he was told the same things you were. It was a month after our wedding, he had thoughts that he made a mistake. I wanted to become healthier and I wanted to fight and I'm proof that there can be hope. My husband found one person that said they were "recovered" and that was all he needed to beleive in me and help me fight. It wasn't easy for him at all, and it didn't get easy real fast, but I can tell you he is very happy with his choice. They told me I'd never be fit to be a parent, and the list goes on, but I am a proud mother of a 6 month old and have been successful in my career. You need to decide what is best for you but I wanted to at least give you the hope my husband received.

[sam392]

You have a mirror relationship that I had. Everything is the same, anger, mood swings, temper, like one minute, hate the next and throw in some depression and for days never call. I like this person a lot, however now we dont talk at all. Her mood swings got the best of me her anger was over whelming and I moved on mentally, I miss her but there is nothing I can do..read the Book "Faces in the Mirror:  I wish her well but I know she will never be happy..she is to mentally ill