Fake

I just feel so fake. I hate the fact that I seem to become whoever I think that I need to be at the time. Eventually the real me comes out and that's not a person but, shell of a real person. I pretended to be normal my whole life and in the end, I just feel fake. I feel like I'm going to explode! I've lost everything. I love my psychiatrist and I love my counselor but at times I don't think they understand how crazy I am! They both think that I'm really just a nice guy and I am. I can also be a persons nightmare. My mood swings and violent temper have cost me a girl that meant the world to me. I can't stop getting angry with everyone for everything. I feel like I can't do this anymore. I just don't think that I can keep trying to fit in to society. I'm almost done. I can't seem to find a job or even be polite to anyone anymore. I don't know who I am and I can't seem to figure out what if anything I can do with my life. I talked to my doctor about being committed and she said that I'm doing a lot better than I give myself credit for but, I can't do this anymore. I'm sitting here writing this and I keep wondering what I should do. Should I try to get on some kind of disability? Should I devote the majority of my time to getting the help for the issues that I have?

[inneedofhelp82]

Its hard for me to say what you should do, you should do whatever feels right for you. I understand the part about being fake i'm the same i don't know who i am anymore, i am only really me with my therapist i had to pretend to be normal to please other people and not let them see how weak and useless i really am.
Can your counsellor help you discover who you really are maybe that would help. The part about not fitting i totally get that i don't fit either and it hurts but you have to keep trying you will find somewhere you fit in. Have you told your psychiatrist how bad you really feel? I'm probably not much helps sorry but i just wanted to let you know i understand how you feel and if you feel that you should take the time now and sort out your issues then you should do that. All the best with it.