My girlfriend is living with me and she has BPD. She is driving me absolutely out of my mind. I use to just go along with whatever she said, then I started thinking that I needed to stand up for what I wanted. So now if I don't want to watch something or do a certain thing I tell her and I don't. The real reason for my question here is that no matter what tact I use to try to NOT to engage her when I sense a pending argument we ALWAYS end up in a screaming match anyway. She's 27 and I'm 50. I've tried just not arguing and I get my manhood attacked. I've tried softly talking and I get the I'm not a client response and it's on. I tried telling her I need her to leave me alone when I know a fight is coming. I've pleaded with her to let me be. The second I don't agree with her or want what she wants she gets real sarcastic and eventually there's the name calling and attacks on my manhood - "why don't you grow a pair and communicate with me!" Yesterday was the worst. The last 3 fights I've said I don't want her around anymore, I can't live like this. I'm no saint and I know it. I can't always tell her the truth cuz she won't process it correctly so I lie and I suck at it and get caught. Yesterday I begged her to leave me alone, she wouldn't and I told her to leave. She said no I live here and this is my house too. The mortgage is in my name not hers and she pays none of the bills cuz she can't even take care of the ones she's got. Anyway it escalated real bad and eventually she started packing her stuff about 2 hours later. I don't want her to go, but I do. She knows every one of my buttons and goes right to them. HELP!!!!!!!!
im sorri ur girlfriend is bpd. it must be hard for u. im bpd and loose all the men i love, i know it's my fault but no-matter how hard i work to overcome or even just live with it i am a nutta. **** it sux, she doesn't want to loose u but may have to so she learns, the hard way of course but thats how we got this way. maybe we dont get to love, we just hurt people. sorri
I hear you. I lost my husband because of my BPD and alcoholism. I wish now I would have left the house for a walk or so every time I got nasty! Because I did get nasty, ALL the time. I loved him, but I couldn't control myself and I understand that even though I didn't mean the things I said, they stuck in his mind. He was always, always afraid there would be a crazy scene at home or in public, and even though I intelectually understood this, I could NOT control myself. Raging jealousy, control need, huge anger at anything that didn't go "my way". I even wrote notes to myself saying I had to STOP1 But I didn't. he left. greatest sorrow of my life, completely awful. the biggest fear people with BPD have is being abandoned! So we push it and push it and then just that happens. We get abandoned, because people can't deal with us. Read this book http://www.bpdcentral.com/bks/swoe.php "Stop walking on eggshells... !", you'll find that you're not alone in being in a relationship with a borderline.
I wish my husband would have warned me in a constructive way; he actually never "threatened" to leave me. He should have earlier in our marriage, or at least that is what I wish. But he had his own issues and I can't blame him. BUT this is what you HAVE to do: Tell her some time when she is calm that you love her a lot, but that you realize the situation is impossible and that it has to be dealt with. She needs therapy for herself and the twon of you need couple's therapy.
I sincerely wish you luck, and courage to do what you have to do. A relationship that turns into constant fighting (and/ or violence) is hard to save. But I think it can be done if dealt with straight on. Kindly/ Pia
She has BPD, there is no arguing with her, everything will be your fault. I;ve seen a person just like her. It will not get better. She, like my friend will be controlling, and have blinding rage. For no reasonwhat so ever. Scarism is a common trait. I still have fond thoughts of my ex-friend, but the temper and anger is way to much for me. My ex-friend left all of her friends and relationships with hostality and bad feelings and probably will forever. My suggestion is to end it and pray things work out for her. It is very sad for all involved. All have deep problems I hope the best for her and you. Usually this kind of relationship lasts a year at the most.
You don't think the immense age difference between you and her has anything to do with what you're going through right now? I know very little about BPD, but an ex of mine has a mother who has the disease. It ended up killing his and my relationship, which was fine because I'm now married to the love of my life -- but still -- you don't think that age contributes to this issue at all? I would think the maturity levels are quite different right now.
My wife has been depressed for about 3-4 years. It started with post postpartum depression after the birth of our second boy. The depression never really got better, at least not for any real length of time. I will say that when she went off medication a few times that the results were terrible. She gets extremely angry at the drop of a hat and always has to be in control. Her most recent therapist told her she thinks she's either BPD or Bi-polar. We've moved to a new area and she's not seeing anyone right now and things haven't been good. It also seems to get a lot worse about 7 days before her period starts. After a few days of severe moodiness and anger, she seems to be back to normal and apologizes for the way she acted. Unfortunately, it always comes back. Any suggestions? I'm about ready for a divorce.
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