Hi I just got separated from my husband of 4 years. It has been almost 3 months now. I did it. In an awful way, I sent him to his mother. He didn't want to go. But I basically thrown him out. Couldn't take it anymore. I felt like going out of my mind if I don't do it. During this time I researched his behavior that made our life so difficult. He has 7 of the 9 traits for BPD. But he blames me a lot for our bad marriage. Should I tell him what I've discovered? Would that be shocking to him? I don't feel like I'm the one to send him to therapy, since at this point I trigger in him the fear of abandonment. Should I talk to his parents first? Thank you
I would go ahead and tell him. I would also state that he can be helped and that you love him (assuming you do) and will support him on anything that needs to be done. I was diagnosed as a teen and didn't get real treatment until my late 30's. It can be important to hear that yes, he has a problem, yes, it can be treated, and yes, I can be there for you. If he decides to get treatment, he can also decide who and when to tell, too.
I would suggest, and even offer, to seek counselling with him.He needs a clinical diagnosis to be heard from a PsychDoc or a counsellor referring a Doc visit. Hearing it from you might be a lot harder seeing you are his wife and the abandonment issue would be heightened even more. Even a visit together to a family practitioner to find a good recommended PsyDoc or counsellor could be a good start. Self diagnosis is a very slippery slope, even more so with loved ones. It is hard not to take what we read on the Internet as "the golden truth", even if you have researched a thousand sites. Mental health is very touchy and should be dealt with by professionals, I think. FYI, I suffer from, BPD, OCD, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, clinical depression and a few more "Labels" With the right meds, and counselling/therapy,these can all be dealt with,meds and love. I know I am rambling on here, (perhaps one of my issues? ) :) , To say I would be truly offended with someone else diagnosing me would be an understatement, for sure. If you are still in love with him as well as love him, keep his family out of it until he is ready to tell, as stated above. (I am sorry if this sounds bossy, know-it-all-ish) THAT is one of my "issues".
I do hope you can manage some semblance of sense out of this post, and glean some important information to help you and your hubby. Good luck, H
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