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I THINK MY WIFE HAS BPD
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I THINK MY WIFE HAS BPD

Any suggestions will be helpful. Been married for 3 years. Male. 30 plus yrs old. One adorably beautiful son whom i love so much. he is turning 1 next April. he is my life. I was gainfully employed as a regional manager with this company until November last year. it was a senior level. at my age, I was the youngest at that position. i was one of the favorites. Been with the company for 5 years almost until i had to quit so that i can help her with our son, with her two clinics (which i funded), to start our dreams of business and to focus on her needs. I would do the household chores before i leave for work (even when i was still employed): clean the house, do the groceries, cook, attend to the laundry and help the cleaning ladies.  she is an OD. she is nearing her 30's. she has very few px yet. am actively helping her out on her clinics: from suppliers to patients to administrative works to sales. I think my wife has bpd. she would be a real mess in the house. unable to do the laundry, unable to clean the house,  nor organize business transactions at the clinics, let alone throw dirty diapers and napkins in the bin. i would be consistently pick up after her, fix the bed after her, ask help with just about everything, from preparing milk to out baby to giving him bath, she is unable to follow through on projects big or small. She would start a project, leave it and then start a new project. she is jealous just about anything and everyone. she would consistently ask me about my opinions and approvals on decisions and yet shoot me out of it. she would shut me out of my family, friends, church mates, church ministry and colleagues. she would get jealous with my nephews and nieces and my brothers and sisters. she would consistently follow up on me and what time i will be home after a few hours that i have been to work. she would be jealous of my colleagues---yes even with male colleagues. she would go crazy if i have one or 2 bottles of beer just to relax even by myself. she would not let me go swimming or go running alone. she would get angry if i watch a movie or just to have alone time by myself. she says i am selfish and that i do not put the interest of m family first. she would check out on my e mail, fb and cellphones to check if i am having an affair. the answer is NO and NONE. She would have "emotional swings" every month. she would blame me for everything. I noticed that this would last for weeks until it reaches peak. Then all hell breaks lose. just like last night. I am into this business i have recently started. i sent an errand boy to pick something up from one of our suppliers. After many hours of unanswered calls from the boy to follow up on the pick-up, I got disappointed. Every time I would get angry, my wife would get angry at me. I said I am not angry at you. i am just disappointed with this person this and that. She would say that I am starting a fight. She would nag and nag and nag endless hours in a day---even up until 2 in the morning! she would complain about everything. Last night, she was threatening to leave me bringing our son with her. After many hours of physically stopping her from leaving the house, i got fed up. She would be hysterical---walking outside of he house with our baby boy in the evening barefooted and nagging loudly. very embarrassing to the neighbors. This has happened so many times i stopped taking counts. I left house just to cool off. when i returned, mother in law was here. to make i worse, mother in law was blaming me for everything happening in the house and to her child. She came from a broken home, her father who used to work abroad would only come home after 5 to 7 years at end. Her brother had drug problem. her brother left his common law wife and son and lived abroad. he came back only after he was deported after  7 years. he never had any serious employment. never seen his son until common wife found another man and got legally married. although his brother and me is the same age, he still lives with his parents.  her mother have not have a job in years. her sisters have been known to philander in high school and college.her family has never been known to handle leadership values. i was raised in an intact family---businessmen and professionals, holding dearly to key values; love God, respect others, to do everything to be respectful within the community and to love the family above all else. Last night was my last thread to sanity. i left the house. i left her there with mother in law, wife and son. I am contemplating annulment of marriage (we have no divorce in our country). I do not know what to do. She would always portray the victim while in fact she has been the one doing all the agresions.I LOVE HER AND OUR SON VERY DEARLY. I AM CERTAINLY AM NOT WILLING TO FETCH WIFE AND SON FROM THE HOUSE OF MY CRAZY IN-LAWS. What do i do? please help.
7 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
You all have a LOT going on. Don't give up yet! Please find some couples counseling. You two sound kinda like me and my hubby a few months ago, but things are going much better for us now. Remember it helps if you deal with your family and she deals with hers, other than polite visits. Good luck.
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1719609_tn?1309196672
It does not sound like BPD to me. It just sounds like there are a lot of stressful and chaotic environmental factors and that there are relationship problems that need to be mended.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks SNS, thanks for the advice. I really am looking for a group going through what i am going through. We had a fight again the other night. This is all because i caught her asking for a marriage counsel from a just recently divorced man! (I kept quiet after i have asked her why she was asking for counsel from the guy.) She went hysterical again, calling everybody in her family and my family. she said i grabbed a knife and i pointed the knife towards her to stab her while holding our baby. This is not true. never, ever, have i even thought about this. She was really hysterical: to the point that everything that she said had no sense. The words and the sentences were not lining up. and they were all coming out of her mouth like bullets from a machine gun: taratatatatat. I called my brother in-law for help. my brother in law said he felt numb after hearing her yapping at me through the background that he had to lie down on the bed and close his eyes just to stop his head from swirling. we where on the phone for an hour and she would not stop yapping through the background the entire time! her father called me that same night and i was surprised to hear his reaction. I thought he would be angry at me. instead, he pleaded with me not to hurt her daughter. he said that "whatever she does, please do not hurt her." I said hurting her never even crossed my mind. I wonder if this is the same reason why he decided to work abroad and would only return 5 to 7 years at end. I am really starting to think that he went through the same things i am gong through now with my wife's mom. my wife slept at 3am. I slept 5 am. really had no sleep. by the way, we would have major fights only in the evenings and especially when the moon is full. that morning, she moved out of the house with our son. She said i was going to kill her and that she could not bare my abuses any longer. i did not stop her. I then moved to my sister's house to seek family support group.  It has now been 4 days. I am lucky i have a wonderful family supporting me and her. My family acknowledges that she might have bpd. I am starting to look for a therapist to convince my wife to undergo therapy. a family member suggested i go through a therapist also so that i can be checked out of any ptsd.  i want to take care of myself and to let my self heal. I want to be strong again. She has humiliated me, abused me in so many ways, dishonored me in front of so many people in so many countless times already. To a point, i am to blame for this because i kept quiet and i let her have her own way because i didn't want to upset her. she would be hysterical, nag all day and evening and would be violent on me (i have a big violet welt on my side as i write This) .I let her abuse me and i let her make me her doormat. i have neglected my health  to take care of her. i also want to straighten up myself and my real priorities. it's like being married to a 15 year old juvenile delinquent with no sense of self. I have lost my self esteem, my close circle of friends, she has shunned me away from family, she has stopped me from joining the music band in the church. she stopped me from having a normal life. i can not blame her because the life that she went through growing up was far from normal. she would blame me for everything and accuse me of extramarital relations. she would literally blame me to my face and yet she would say that she needs me so much she does not want me to leave. she fears abandonment so bad. just her thinking about it makes her mad at me. these abuses would go on for weeks every month. once i made a calendar of her breakdowns and her "ok" days. it turned out, she is okay only for a maximum of 3 days in a month. and after that, the process of decline will again start until she would hit her monthly breakdown. After the breakdown, breakdown usually lasts 3 days, she would be okay and be sweet and caring towards me again. the cycle continues. i miss my son so much. so much. however, i would not want to see my wife yet because i want to set a limit on what she does and to hold her accountable to the things that she does. in a way, what i want to tell her is: "you know that i love you so much but you need to set yourself straight otherwise i will leave you." If our therapy does no work, then i am readying myself for a heart-wrenching process of annulment. as i am yet to see a therapist, i would want to know if what i am currently doing and what i am lining up to do is correct. can you give me your opinion?
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Avatar_m_tn
I tried texting my wife again this morning after almost a week of no contact. I deliberately did not contact her. I just wanted to know how our son was doing as i miss him so much. I want to heal myself. after 3 years of being married to her, i fear that if we meet again, she will again lash out on me and do some grandstanding---in effect, humiliating me and dishonoring me. She has posted hurtful messages towards me on facebook ( i think to get my reaction because she can not contact me). she made sure it was public and that everybody could read it. by late evening last night, she has removed her posts. i guess our pastor saw her post and advised her to remove it. my whole family read it and they are hurt by what she has said and done especially on a public media. the thing that hurts my family the most is that they have been very supportive of her of her business to the point that rentals for her 2 clinics (clinic #1's rental has been waived for more than a year and clinic #2's rental has been waived for half a year). She has dishonored not only my name but our name. They really love her even until now. they would give referrals and build her up to their clients. but they are really hurt. What really saddens me is that she has no remorse in what she did. she even blames me for all the arguments that we had. all blame points towards me. she is not sorry. this really breaks my heart.
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Avatar_m_tn
This absolutely does sound like BPD. How did this turn out? I have 4 kids and have been married to a woman with BPD for 20 years.
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Avatar_f_tn
Dasal lang pare! Kaya mo yan
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Avatar_f_tn
Communication keep it open ,be considerate of your spouses feelings, try to make things easier for your spouse stress free...carry larger percent of the weight of the marriage,bills etc...
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st. louis, MO