Ok so yesterday my therapist told me that she believes that i have dependent personlity disorder. I agree with her. I know what i have to do to help myself but im so scared. I have to move out from my boyfriends and live alone. He's really an *** hole so that part of me wants to leave but then again sometimes i feel like im the problem. I asked him today if hes noticed any changes in me and he said hardly nothing. All he said was you dont go thru my stuff anymore. That hurt because I feel that I have changed dramitically. I spend too much energy and time on this relationship and i am tired and drained. But i am sooo scared to leave. Its weird i dont know how to explain it. I get anxiety attacks and start flipping out. I really do just want to be alone. Im afraid that i will get out of this one and just go into another relationship that might be even worse. And sometimes I start to think ok this relationship aient that bad maybe its juss me. But the more i talk to other ppl who know him the more i feel i should walk out. I also have three kids and im scared to be on my own with them and im afraid that i might drop out of school so i can support them..I dont know anymore...My sis in law said i could move with her but she lives far i have everything over here and my son is so exicited hes going to start middle school with all his friends and i dont want to keep moving my kids. I always get into stupid messed up relationships and leave only to find myself in the same situation again. any words of advice???
The best way to approach this is to work with a talk therapist or cognitive behavioral therapist to learn how to set up emotional boundaries or this issue will come up over and over again as it has for people I've known with bpd. You can think about any aspects of the relationship without co-dependency and think whether its worth it or not. Its a matter of setting limits and understanding who you are and that impacts on life in general. I've known people with bpd and it just carries over from relationship to another so its essential to learn to have a greater self awareness to prevent it to begin although it can be very hard to acheive.
ppl with BPD are dependant when it comes to our relationship with a significant other. U fear abandonment and being alone. I know when I was with my ex husband, and my ex bf before that, I was extremely unhappy and being treated wrong, but I couldn't imagine leaving them and being alone. I wanted away, but I can't handle change. I get so much anxiety over it. Even think of it gives me a panic attack. U need to talk to a therapist about this. They can help u with ur way of thinking so that u can become more independant. Also, u need to really think about whether ur man is truly an a**hole or if u just perceive him as one when ur having a mood swing. I'm not saying its just u, but I know that when I'm cycling, I hate my bf sometimes and don't want to be with him, when in fact he is a REALLY great guy. And I know that when I'm in that phase I complain about him to others and so they believe thats really how he is. Actually, I dont do this with my bf (I lied) lol, but I did it with my exs in the past. I've learned now that when I'm feeling that way I keep it to myself cuz I know later I'll feel different and my family is going to think he's an a** when he really isn't. So I urge to just think, is he TRULY an a**hole, or do u see him that way when ur having a mood swing? The only reason I say this is cuz I know us BPDs tend to ruin relationships because we hate them and leave, only to realize it wasn't what we thought it was...it was because of the cycle we were in.
niesyty nie panujemy nad emocjami . nasze zachowania są zbyt ekstremalne.wstydzimy sie tego ,co pogłębia tylko naszą niechęć do siebie samych. Nieadekwatne do sytuacji napady złości ,rujnują nasze partnerskie związki. Obawiamy sie porzucenia ,a robimy wszystko, by zostać porzuconymi. Kochamy ,a jednocześnie trzymamy na dystans. tak naprawdę zawsze sami .
I know what you mean..my ex bf was a good man and i left him for no good reasons..the only one i could find was that i didnt love him anymore..this bf is an *** hole at times and a good man at times..I love him alot or i think i do..but his attitude doesnt help when i need his support...like to today because i went a little crazy last nite because he was going out with his friends "which i suggested it" but then regreted it, my punishment was no school clothes for my kids..what the hell is that all about..my kids dont have to be punished because im a quake..after beging him he said yes..but still who in there right mine does that..I see good in him and I see bad..also theres stilll alot i want to do..and he doesnt like doin anything i like..I dont kno..I dont want to leave him and end up with another *** hole or even alone..
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