I'm beginning Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)

After years and years of living a completely unstable life, full of missteps and bad calls, I arrived at the point where I feel that I cannot beat the beast in me. Bipolar disorder is like electricity -- people tell you it's there, even though you can't see it. It costs a lot and it runs everything in your world; when it goes out, it's dark and nothing works. If you don't respect it -- it will kill you. I am beginning Dialectical Behavioral Therapy next week.

Essentially, I'm saying that I cannot get a hold of BPD because it is so complex. At times, I love it -- the mania makes me feel like I can do everything, all at once because I am enhanced me, version 2.0. More-than-human, confident, quick-witted, creative, funny and oh-so-charmingly handsome. Who would wanna shake that feeling?
It's only when things come crashing down do I wanna deal with the disease head on, but it has such a stranglehold on me that it has separated me into different mindsets. I think about and look at everything -- every single aspect of my life -- differently, depending on my mood. Essentially, BPD has split me into two separate people and these two components of Me, cannot seem to team together to steer the ship. The tail side of the coin is a person who withdrawls from Everything important; who will not communicate to anyone, no returned phone calls, emails, texts -- completely vacant and disconnected. Not terribly depressed, just unmotivated, void of esteem and energy and in the throes of deep thought.

Years of therapy, with great therapists and consistent medication are just enough to keep me alive and out of jail. My foundation is flimsy because I NEVER had anything concrete in my life because BPD has been flipping the switch from dark to light since I was a kid. My Mom, who loves me unconditionally and who I love with all my heart has untreated BPD. I learned everything from her and she is the smartest person I know; but the inconsistent and completely un-coping skills that come with the disease have been instilled in me since I was a little baby.
The fact of the matter is, not only did I miss the opportunity to develop coping skills, structure, routine, responsibility in life and relationships and rudimentary stability -- I learned the complete opposite. UN-COPING skills of life.
I will not survive if this continues. I will loose everything if I cannot gain control of the beast in me. I can have a good life, like the people I see on TV, but I can't do it alone; and I can't overcome it with the therapy and medication I have been relying on for the past 5 years.
In search of the one true fix, I hit Google HARD, and found out about DBT. Everything I read sounded like just what I needed to fix my broken. I found a place that looks really strong. It has a year commitment with one individual session a week; one group per week and weekly phone sessions. My intake appointment is coming up next week.
Is there anyone, who can relate to the Rock'em-Sock'em robot lifestyle of the Borderline/BiPolar mash-up who has any experience with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)? I would love to hear from someone who has walked in those shoes.
Thanks.

[tennist]

Hi beepee, i too have BPD and am struggling really bad with it. I am in India, and I m not able to find any clinic/ doc who offers DBT. So i am starting with cognitive therapy for now, though I have heard its not as effective as DBT.

U hv the opportunity to get DBT, so make most of it. I hope it works for you.

p.s. do let me know, if you have had a cognitive therapy and it has worked for u

[Ingrid444]

Hi,
I have BPD, I was on a waiting list for DBT, but couldn't make it work with my scedule and job when they called 9 months after being on the list. It was summer, I wasn't feeling that bad at the time.  But if you do get the chance, you should try it out, nothing else has worked. I wish I had, and now, as I am spiraling down, who knows if I could have been feeling better. My life has been one big mess, I have kids and a husband, but it is one confusing day at a time. The biggest problem with a mental illness, is the patient, me, makes the decisions...... and that's crazy!!!

If you have started the therapy, let me know if it is helping at all.
I'v gone the med and therapy root, but nothing seems to stick. I'm back a square one, on the bottom of the list again.
Like I said, if you have the chance, go for it!
Best of Luck
Ingrid

[toots8]

I relate to you totally, only right now I lack all motivation for everything. I've suffered alot of loss the last couple of years and lost my father last june so I'm just stuck. I've tried both cognative therapy in the hospital which really helped me alot. But there was no group outside of the hospital and I couldn't afford outpatient. I was directed by one of the doctors to try dbt. I got the skills training manual for treating Borderline Personality Disorder by marsha Litnehan and tried that on my own. Then I found a sight called Daily Strength that offered a DBT group using the same book and skills. But at the time my Father died and a whole bunch of other heart breaking things were happening so I didn't really give it a good enough chance cause I could'nt think and was shut down. The Dbt was harder for me to grasp than the cognative but I'm a slow learner. Good luck to you!

[millerbuck]

Hi Beepee,

I am desperate to find an inpatient facility that specializes in DBT!!

I have Bipolar Disorder and was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.  The BPD explains the real "hell" that I haven't been able to get out of for the last 25 years and 20+ Psychiatric Hospital stays.

I am on SSI disability and am having difficulty finding a inpatient facility that accepts my supplemental Medicare insurance.

If you or anyone reading this plea for help knows of any facility that will accept me (very soon) I would appreciate hearing back from you!

I have been Hospitalized 6 times in the last 6 months...my strength and hope is quickly fading..I can't take the pain much longer!!!

Please help me!

[christinablue]

I participated in DBT about 4 years ago and later taught it to new employees who worked at the facility at this time I do not know of a place that stills specializes in DBT the one I was in no longer does. I still have an extra copy of the booklet somewhere if it helps maybe I will put on on my website although it is not the same as doing it in a controlled location maybe it will help with the wait. I will try to find it in my storage sometime next week.
DBT was a very helpful thing for me. I have not been hospitalized in three years and i contribute a large part of that to DBT.
In the meantime one thing in DBT that was very helpful was this:
Using Self Soothe with the five senses.
Taste- I used a small piece of chocolate. Take very small bites with each bite notice the texture of the chocolate let it melt in your mouth notice the flavor and I wrote about it. Take your time. You only need one small piece of chocolate.  
Smell- I used lotion. Slowly rub the lotion on your skin let the smell consume you and try to notice every thing that your smelling and put a name to it again you can write it down. Also take a shower or bath using your favorite body wash and let the smell fill you up.
See- For me currently I use my computer for this I look very very relaxing pictures like sunsets and clouds and try to name every color I see.
Hear- I also currently use my computer for this i go to youtube and listen to classical music which can be very relaxing I try to stay away from music with words in it as it can sometimes make matters worse.
Touch- For this I use a very soft stuffed animal I feel the furr and sometimes it just helps to have something soft there.
This is something that I took from my experience with DBT but what works for me might not work for everyone. If you need to sometimes it just helps to talk to someone about anything. I just find a chat room and jump into a conversation sometimes it just helps to keep your mind busy until the feelings I am having pass.
I hoped I helped.
Chris

[Ingrid444]

Thank you for your comments about DBT, I have noticed when I take a shower with a nice scent, that it really calms me down. Small tastes of a favorite food, and fuzzy wool, or clothes makes me feel calmer. I just didn't know that that was part of the therapy. Now that you have mentioned it, I will remember to use these things when I am spiralling down.
I just go an appointment with the mental health clinic for March, so I hope to ask more questions and see what else they can do for me.
Thank you again, you guys are a god send.
I don't know what I would do without this place to go for support.
Ingrid

[gjsngr21]

I recently was told by my boyfriends therapist, during a couples meeting with her that she believes strongly that I have borderline personality disorder and I didn't know how to accept that because I thought, "well, I have more than one diagnosis", but after being told more about it and hearing of this great therapy DBT,  I can really start to understand exactly how and why I am the way I am. I really don't think it would be good idea to try to explaine how really screwed up my life has been because I know people are looking for answers, not more destructive thoughts to clutter their brains. I know I hate hearing life stories because mine doesn't even fit inside of my head. But, anyway i think I might just be on my way to real chance at beating this I do believe as human beings we can conquer all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens! He is my rock and I do believe that making the steps to trust HIM and rely on HIM more often rather than our own judgment it will surprise us all, however we were put here to help and love each other and I believe in getting help from this therapy, because He doesn't want us to suffer or be unhappy and this disease is a real problem, it is a plague, and when people start really trying to help cure this very curable disease, this world will be a whole lot less traumatized and sliced up. Please forgive me if I sound so blunt but I'm no longer going to hide myself from my problems, i want help, I want a better life and I don't want to wear pants for the rest of my life because of my battle scars. I want to give encouragement and love to everyone who suffers with this.Thank you and God bless.                                                                                                  

[BeeKeeper]

I can absolutely relate...your story is mine exactly.  As you said...my world is crashing around my between these rapid cycles and dealing BP and BPD.  I too was told by my PDOC and therapist to get into a DBT program.  Fortunately there is a facility here in Milwaukee - the Valentin Clinic - that specializes in DBT.

I started about a month and a half ago...and honestly am having a really hard tome going back every week.  I have read a couple articles that say the nature of people with BP and BPD is that they will dismiss any help from this progam and will quit the program...and that they may have to take it several times.  Even one of the instructors said it took her a couple years to really start understanding and using the coping skills that are taught in DBT.

I really hope that this is something that you can use...as I am hoping the same for me.  I'm having a hard time with the 'group' therapy and may ask for individual therapy.  I'm trying very hard not to give up as I'm desperate for something to work before the dark side kills me.

Would be more than happy to share DBT experiences/thoughts with anyone if I can help.

Courage!

[StevieLUVSAlex]

Hi,
I was diagnosed with BPD only yesterday, so this is all new to me. I actually thought for a long time that I had Bi-polar, because it runs in my family. So Its a bit strange that I have something else. I have mood changes, so quick and so frequent that it drives to insane. I HATE living most of the time. But I do enjoy the manic highs, that feel like I can accomplish anything, be ANYTHING, fufill any dreams and wishes.  

I was also wondering if anyone with BPD has issues with memory loss. I find it REALLY hard to remember anything from 18 down and I'm only 23. I'm a Jehovah's Witness, so I can't go under hypnosis to find my memories. Can someone help???

[diemyn]

read my posts in this forum

i am diemyn

go to my profile, posts, see all and READ what you are drawn to

DBT gave me a few tiny bits of help that are invaluable but I have "recovered" by other means

[beepee]

So it has been more than a year since my last post and I truly have to say that I am changed. For the better, I might add. I spent a solid year in a DBT program, going to group once a week and individual therapy once a week on top of my monthly Psychiatrist.
I must admit, I really didn't think it DBT was going to work for me. I was months into it and I didn't see or feel a change. THis was frustrating and I was paying a lot of money. like, all. my. money. The people in the group weren't really what I would consider my peer group. Their problems were different than mine -- some more severe, some seemingly less serious. I can't explain exactly what happened but I slowly but surely began feeling more in control of my life. Every day I had been working on my skills and slowly, it began adding up.
Since that first day, I have put a lot of positive energy into the process of mindfulness, building my DBT skills and I listened to A LOT of Tara Brach's dharma talks (Google Tara Brach and download the free "teaching talks" -- they are amazing and they will help you in many ways beyond mindfulness. It is free, and it is not creepy brainwashing weirdness -- she just has an amazing way of explaining things and her dharma talks are a critical part of my treatment. If you are suffering and need to build a new, positive life-skill set, check her out).
I am not in DBT anymore but I use my DBT skills every day. No, I am not "cured" and have some really, really nasty days -- sometimes end on end on end (just like before) -- but I deal with my moods way more effectively. Mainly, I try not to judge myself to harshly and forgive myself. I also realize that a mood may appear without a reason. For example, I may wake up feeling blue or sad but I don't need to go searching for the reason why I feel that way. It may simply be my biology and not my life that is out of whack.
Regular exercise (even just a little bit) is good, eating well and eating breakfast (something I never did before) and trying to go to sleep at the same time every night. Routine, routine, routine helps big time and isn't boring because it opens up time to do so much more (and do it more effectively). Sticking to my bipolar medication is key as well but I must admit that I am way less interested in the labels associated with my diagnosis and am really just focused on treating the symptoms.
While I do credit DBT as truly helping me get my life more emotionally regulated, I truly feel that it was (and is) the quest for help and improvement, the building of positive skills and the practice of mindfulness coupled with the forgiveness that I allow myself when I do fall (or feel broken), that is what helps my everyday. I say this because if you can't access a DBT program because of the cost or their isn't one offered in your location then just try to work with what you've got available. See a good doctor/therapist and if they don't feel right to you, maybe get a second opinion. Build a routine. Slow down and allow your mind to quiet every chance you get. Even for two minutes -- it helps. Eat well. Sleep regularly. Look at art, listen to music, smell flowers. You will feel better.