I have spent seven years with the same psychiatrist.
He is great.
He diagnosed me with five anxiety disorders seven years ago, and two years ago, with BPD.
This year, I had been working with a psychologist on i.q. tests. He told me that he strongly suspected I have ADD/ADHD.
About a month and a half ago, I started dexedrine.
I spent most of my life feeling extreme anxiety, and I've tried many anti-anxiety meds, they never touched my anxiety.
Dexedrine was amazing for my anxiety, mental clutter and my sense of overwhelm.
My psychiatrist is taking it pretty hard that it took so long to catch ADHD. In fact he's taking it worse than I am.
I don't think he realizes that I'm too overcome with gratitude about feeling this "ok", to be able to care less that the diagnosis was missed for so long!
I thought at best I might learn to manage my anxiety, but to have none?!?! WOOHOO! Not to mention, I now know why I struggle in school, and with organization etc. My whole life has done a 180, and he feels bad that it couldn't have happened sooner? It may not have happened at all! :)
I went to see my psychiatrist this last week.
He said that until an axis 1 diagnosis (eg. ADHD)has been treated, a person cannot be diagnosed with an axis 2 (eg. Borderline)
I think he believes that he screwed up bad, and even misdiagnosed me with BPD. But I'm convinced that I at least have some symptoms.
I have reassessed the criteria for BPD
I believe I still have fears of abandonment/ fears of being rejected.
I haven't noticed the intense emotional lability that I had pre -dexedrine.
(but I will continue to monitor my emotions, I'm not around many triggers right now, so I may be more emotionally grounded as a result.)
I don't have impulsive or destructive behaviors (turns out my impulsivity had to more with ADHD)
I don't have suicidal behaviors (though it wasn't too long ago that I had fleeting thoughts of ending it all. they Pass)
I have some confusion about the following symptoms and appreciate all input.
It seems that many of the BPD symptoms I've struggled with arise only during romantic relationships.
For instance, I have immense jealousy problems-extreme enough that I would call them delusional. It has only been in romantic relationships that I seem to have inappropriate rage. (on account of the whole delusional jealousy)
But delusional Jealousy is definitely a part of Borderline, in fact I've never heard that it could be a symptom of anything else.
This is where I need some help
Unstable self image?
I have some strong opinions: pro choicer; atheist; I believe euthanasia and assisted suicide are humane and sometimes the only moral way to help someone these opinions and others do not change regardless of who I am with- on the other hand, I am prone to adopting other people's subtle quirks or mannerisms.
I behave differently around certain people: I censor myself around elderly people, whereas I can be quite crude and deliberately offensive around my younger peers.
It is said that people with BPD struggle with sexual orientation. I can't deny that I am sexually attracted to some women-it's biological, but I tend to date men as well, not that I have had a lot of partners either way.
Is this what is meant by unstable self image? Is it possible to have a strong sense of self in some ways but not necessarily others?
Chronic feelings of emptiness? This one confuses me too. I'm not sure what this means. I know what it's like to feel as though I haven't reached my goals and I feel very unsatisfied and unaccomplished, which I guess is similar to feeling empty. But it's not a chronic feeling.
Idolizing and Devaluing others: When I am very upset-in the heat of the moment- I will think someone is a complete jerk, and I'll wonder why I liked them to begin with- as soon as I am calm, I realize that maybe they aren't a "complete" jerk and maybe I not exactly a saint, either.
Very soon after I calm down, I"ll realize that they're just as imperfect as I am-They are neither the scum of the earth nor the creme dele crame.
Is this the same for other people with BPD, or once BPD folks have devalued someone, do they find it difficult to realize that maybe the person isn't either a complete jerk or a complete saint?
Anyone with BPD, or any insight into this, I would sure welcome your input.
If I'm struggling with BPD, I want to make sure I get treatment. But I think I struggle with the language they use in describing the symptoms. I need some expert insight.
There is so much hope for people with this disorder, and DBT should be taken by everyone, mental illness or not, it has a lot of value.
Sorry for the length of this post-Thanks for reading, and any input!
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