MY MOM NEEDS MY HELP!

My Father passed away last june and my mom doesn't drive. There are five of us kids and in the past it was mostly me taking care of my parents medical needs. Everybody else was working and I was disabled yet to them it meant I was available. Lately as the last couple of years have gone by  I have had more difficulty taking care of people or committments. My brothers help my mom alot with the house and finances and my sisters did a wonderful job with holidays ect. They've all been wonderful. But when it comes to dr. appointments which there are many it is on me. My question is It is getting very hard for me to get out. the meds make it hard to drive sometimes, or I'm crying for no reason or suicidal but keeping it to myself. I know I am sick yet my mom needs me and she cries cause she feels like a burden. I love my mom so much, but feel stuck cause my mind is getting worse not better no matter what I've tried. Any suggestions........

[ILADVOCATE]

How old is she? Does she have any disabilities? Perhaps she would qualify for home attendant services? Or other form of assistance. To find out options I would speak to your local independent living center. There's one in every county of every state:
http://www.ilru.org/html/publications/directory/index.html
And then you can work on your own recovery and have the time you need for it.

[toots8]

My mom is 73. She sacraficed her life for her children, I would feel and do feel guilt for struggling to help her. she is a cancer surviver for 8 yrs now. The chemo left her with nerapathy in her hands and feet. She also has problems with her back and joints due to the cancer meds  she still has to take. She has high blood pressure and is so lonely. Her marriage to my dad was a hard one but she stuck it out for 54 yrs. she has no family here but her kids. she's from austria. I owe her my life I just can't make myself move like I need it too. Its either my mind or my body or both. Thank you for the comment and advice. I just don't know if I can do that to her.

[ILADVOCATE]

I understand and appreciate your concern but a home attendant lives in the household and takes care of what's needed (after services are approved). You wouldn't have to move out nor would she. But the home attendant would take of what's needed. Pm me and I'll give you more information if you want. Thanks.

[Ingrid444]

Hi,
Your situation sounds a lot like mine. My mom is 72, has battled 3 cancers, has high blood pressure, and takes a lot of meds. I have borderline personality disorder, and I am the primary care giver to my mom. She has just had some eye problems that make it hard for her to drive. So, I can completely understand where you are coming from. I have small children of my own, work a full time job. It is very frustrating and exhausting.

My mom can still do most things for herself, she mostly needs the company. I love to be with her, she is my best friend, so it works out for us. But, it is hard when I am not feeling my best, and don't have the energy to get out of bed myself.

I am taking anti-depressants right now, but they don't seem to be working that great. I am very depressed, suicidal, and feel like no-one understands. I am seeing a councilor and on a waiting list for a psychiatrist. What I can say is that I understand where you are coming from, it helps me to know that I am not alone.

Do you have any friends you can count on??
I find that it's hard to keep friends with my condition. I am so sensitive to what others say that I get hurt easily and then don't trust people, it is too painful.

If there is anything I can do to help, let me know. I am a good listener.
Give your mom a big hug, tell her you love her!
Hang on, and look for those who WILL help.
Ask your other siblings.... open up to them and let them know how you feel, they may not know you are struggling.
Best of luck

Ingrid