Need to know if I have a BPD

[scarlet135]

I am 18 years old and I have been a depressed kid since 13, I was an introvert and like to study a lot. But I am a very sensitive person and can't cope with even a tiny joke or a fairly innocent comment. I used to cut myself but I have stopped after considering it to be foolish, I used to break things and beat people up until recently I grew more calm and even when i am angry I speak in low voice always giving people chance to finish their opinions and take it lightly. I am writer, but a strange one. My friends say that I am both over excited and over depressed sometime, they also say that I am crazy. I still feel very depressed about almost everything but don't complain about it so often. But not expressing about depression is making me more and more injured now.

I smoke sometimes and I am need of a very full sexual experience which is making me even more depressed but I can't enjoy it my BF for some reason. I am addicted to horror movies and books. I love reading fine literature also. Sometimes I cry a lot in my room and feel worse because i can't cry out loud. There are a 100 more problems going on inside me which I can't describe right now. I am scared to consult a doctor because I don't want medicines, I want someone to listen. My family consists of many many mental patients, My mother had been a paranoid and my brother is Autistic, 2 of my uncles are schizophrenic, one of my brothers are Bipolar, although I don't know if there had been a suicide, sometimes I feel I will be the one to finish that job. DO I have BPD?

[jdtm]

I am scared to consult a doctor because I don't want medicines  --  your words

My question - And how is it working for you without seeing a doctor?

[rBoulet]

Only a doctor could say if you have BPD or some other mental illness, so you'll have to talk to one eventually.
You said you're afraid of speaking to a doctor because you don't want medication, but I'll tell you right now that they don't often use medication for BPD. My doctor told me that medication and hospital stays only work in about 1/3 of people with BPD, and it's only used to treat some of the symptoms when they become too much and not the actual disorder. Thus many doctors try to avoid using medication or hospital stays unless it would obviously help the person cope with the condition, and they would take them off when they have things under control.

[Bliarg]

That's right, sweetie, medication isn't really going to help.  Although you might consider some type of anti-depressant - doctor prescribed or herbal (google it, there are a few options).  

You need to talk to a therapist.  Are you able to find one?  However you choose to go about it, you need to get these thoughts and feeling out out out!  Do your writing (the stranger the better!), find other artistic avenues that make you happy.  Try to be sociable sometimes, but allow yourself to rest.  Cry whenever you need to, but always seek to identify why you're crying, what feelings made you cry etc.  it might help you to keep a diary.  

It sounds like you've improved your behaviour a lot on your own - stopping the cutting, breaking things, and learning to talk quietly and allow other people to finish.  Excellent work!  That's great, and shows many reasons for you to hope that this will end well for you.  Because, you have shown the ability to reflect on your actions, the ability to control yourself against your own impulses, and above all the desire to change and to do better.  Hold on to those positives in your character, and take the enxt step - get a therapist.

Sweet dreams xx