Parenting with BPD

Does anyone out there have any advice for women with BPD trying to decide whether or not to have children?

Since I was diagnosed I've assumed parenthood is not something I'm cut out for, but I've reached a time in my life when I'm questioning this a lot and I'm aware that decisions I make now will affect me for the rest of my life - and will of course also affect others.

I'm starting to really feel that I would like to make a family, and that I would love nurturing a child.  But I'm not sure whether I'm mature enough or unselfish enough to do a good job of it.  I would be very interested to hear from BPD Mums about what the experience has been like for you.

Be gentle with me though - this is a sensitive topic.

Thanks.

[wren34]

I want to apologise to lauraj1981 for posting this message - I hadn't read your post or the comments on it beforehand.  If I had read it, I wouldn't have posted mine.  I'm not sure how to delete posts once you've sent them.
Reading your post and the string of posts that followed have helped me to think about my question, though.
I wish you the best with trying to become pregnant.
:-)

[inneedofhelp82]

I have six children and i have BPD, i was only dx a year ago so i had all my children without knowing i had BPD, i see myself as a good parent not perfect but good, i love my children they are my life.
I don't see having BPD as an obstacle to having children, my children are all healthly well looked after children. I guess it depends on you if you feel you are ready to have children but i found being a mother i automatically put my childrens needs first. Sorry i'm not much help i think its really up to you and how you would feel having a child.

[cherry42]

No, dont have children unless you are 100 % positive you can accomplish being a good parent because our world is over populated and we dont really need any more people from any one .

[CrzyBeautiful1]

I have 2 children, and 2 step-children. I was dx a few years ago, so I had already had my children by then. If having kids is something you really want to do, then I don't see anything wrong with it. We deserve kids as much as anyone else does. I have my struggles (problems w/ anger outbursts), but I feel I'm a good mother. We go to family therapy, and I go to therapy for myself and it really helps. Through therapy, I have learned different ways of coping with my mood swings, and better ways to handle situations that I face with raising my kiddos. One thing that helps me is I have the extremely strong want and drive to be the best mother I can, and although it's hard sometimes, I face my BPD full force because I want to do right for my kids. I don't want them to grow up with issues like I have, so I try extra hard to take care of my mental state. If you think you have it in you to tackle the mood swings for the better of your children, then I say go for it! You deserve your family! :)

[Charmii1988]

I have had Borderline Personality Disorder my entire life and I am a first time mother to an 8 month old son who I love more than anything.
No having an illness does not effect Your parenting unless YOU allow it to

[maminka4444]

I am a mother. I am pretty certain my own mother has BPD. I might, too. I am just starting to do research. I am even wondering if one of my daughters has this. I have read that it can be genetic. I am extremely devoted to my girls. I homeschool them. What makes this possible is my husband, homeschooling, skills I learned from mindfulness meditation, nutrition, stress reduction, yoga, exercise, supplements. I have been trying to get better for years. I know that sugar makes me worse. Lack of sleep makes me worse. Too much stress, chocolate make me worse, Caffeine. I am willing to work hard to be the best mom I can be. I go to therapy. I read parenting books. Homeschooling allows me to focus on this role. Attachment parenting, extended nursing, validating my kids' feelings. Cuddling with them every night. I am not perfect, but then my husband steps in when I fall apart. He is a very hands-on dad. Between the two of us we somehow manage to have two very well adjusted girls. We are not well adjusted, but we tag team. We focus on the girls. They are our priority. Nutrition, meditation, acupuncture, supplements, loving touch, validating - those are our tools. When we got a puppy and I fell apart, puppy went back to breeder. Sane mom was a priority. My husband is willing to hold me while i cry over feeling empty, without direction, lonely, without friends night after night - after the kids are in bed. It's hard on him. But he makes me a priority for the girls.

[Jaquta]

I always thought that a person should be stable or have made some good progress in therapy before opting to become a parent.

I think that some people with bpd are better parents than non-affected individuals.  Deeper, more sensitive, more attuned.  More open.

You sound like you'd make a good parent.

I think that maturity and selflessness also develop over time.  I think that kids teach you a lot too.

Asking the questions you have shows that you are neither selfish or immature.