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Partners mother with BDP? We need advice
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Partners mother with BDP? We need advice

My partners mother shows many behaviours of BDP.  Nobody else within the small family is willing to accept she has a problem and can often side with her and re-enforce her episodes.  We are currently forced to live with our parents while we save for a mortgage deposit until we are financially ready, which should be another 6 months.  In the mean time I'm worried about my partner having to take her constant mood swings, paranoia, delusions and made up stories that she then believes.  She interprets everything incorrectly and accuses people of the most horrendous things.  She tells my partner to get out of her house, move out, find somewhere to rent etc, but when he says he will move out to his grandmothers because he can't cope with her anymore, she turns into crying and caring mother again and promises to change. Within hours she is back to abusive, argumentative and unhappy.  She is threatens that if he leaves, he will not be allowed back and she will destroy his possessions and that the rest of his family will disown him.  He is miserable, and is stuck in a terrible position.  He knows he has to move away but I think he is petrified of losing his mother, and potentially other family members in the mean time.  The upbringing he has had, has made him very nervous of confrontation.  We don't know what to do, whether to call her bluff and for him to move out, or maybe to attempt to keep her happy until we can buy our own home officially and try and build bridges from there.  if he moves out, he will have to move to his fathers house... which is even more of an extremely sore point, as even after 15 years of divorce, his mum sees her ex-husband as evil and a threat to her and her "perfect family" delusion, which I think will cause even more emotional distress for her... and if she truly has BDP, which I strongly suspect, I'm worried for her mental wellbeing even more if my partner goes to his dads!!!  Should my partner move out now and risk losing her all together? Does he stay put and put up with her abuse until he can get away when we are financially ready??  I think both options will cause her great mental distress as she doesn't like losing control.  We are so confused, can anyone suggest anything at all?? Getting her professional help is not an option, she won't listen to us.  Since I tried to confront her nicely a few weeks ago about the lies she invents about me, she has banned me from the house and tells my partner we will never be OK ever again and she is disgusted with my partner for allowing me to confront her.  She has told me my partner is a liar and has "slandered" her by telling me the lies she invented about me.  All i did was ask that she stopped doing this, then we can have a nice relationship with eachother.... and she has flipped. She is walking around the house muttering to herself that "there's a Judas in the house, watch what you say" about my partner.  We are very worried!! Please advise :(
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http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a106.htm

plus the other articles @ the bottom are great information.  God bless
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