Please give me some hope!

[Jbob45]

I believe my wife has BPD. For years, I believed there was something wrong with me because she convinced me that I was somehow inferior.  For the past 2 years she has been blaming me for her unhappiness and drinking more and more.  More than a year ago, she started taking Ambien on top of the antidepressant (also my fault) and anxiety medication (because she can't trust me to not embarass her).  With all this, the rage has expanding to our daughter and more recently to complete strangers.  She can't make friends and doesn't leave the house except to pick up our daughter from school.

I love my wife and want to help her but I don't know what to do.  

Has anyone been where I'm at?  Please give me any advice you have.

[Amphitrite]

I haven't been where you are except for when they put me into menapause early and then I became extreamly off balance emotional and physcologically and would yell and scream at my husband and make him feel badly but my hormones would take over and I couldn't stop.

So in a way I can understand, but as this seems more like a straight psychiatric issue then the only thing anyone could recommend is getting your wife into a good therapist. Is she being prescribed meds now? If so are they from an MD or a psychiatrist?

If from an MD then it's better to have her see a psychiatrist.

Unfortunitly if she won't go, no one can force her unless she's suicidal, a threat to hearself or anyone else. But it does seem from your description that she is accounting all of her problems to you and needing to take medications in order to cope with your actions and/or behavior.
That is common in BPD but is also a symptom of other conditions as well.

So my advice would be to get her into a psychiatrist if she's willing to have her assesed and into a good therapist. I can see you love your wife and care for her, but you still don't deserve to be treated like your inferior and to blame for all her issues or actions.
But of course this is only a little piece of your marriage and no one could know everything except for you and her.

Do you think she'll be willing to get some more help. Do you think sitting down and having a rational converstaion is possible? Maybe catch her at a time when she's taken her anti-anxiety meds as that could help in controling her reaction if she gets panicked or anxious. Reminding her you love her and only want the best for her and the both of you...

I do hope you are able to get your wofe the help she needs and then maybe you can go together to marriage counseling to help repair any damage done. It has to be very difficult to feel the way you are feeling.
I remember after they took me out of menapause feeling gorrible for what I did to my husband because they didn't give me the meds to comtrol the mood swings like they were supposed to. And I know he felt very badly about himself because of the way I treated him.

Anything you can do to get her some help.

Amph

[Amphitrite]

Oh one other thing...I don't know your and your wifes age and menapause symptoms can start early BUT that was just my being able to relate to you by what I did to my husband..as a man I would tread lightly in bringing anything like manapausal changes up or attributing anything to hormones. That was just my example and as a women I would get very angry if my husband attributed my behavior to hormonal changes..even when I knew it was true.

I'm sure you know that already. But I just wanted to make sure you knew I'm not saying this is your wifes case...only my example:):)

[kmathis70]

don't know what to say about your wife but maybe telling u about me might help,im bpd plus a few extras. relationships are my worst nightmare . i go into them ready for love but then i look to find anything i can wrong. i just don't trustand as long as i think things are bad then im proving myself right at the expense of someone elses feelings. not a good thing but its me, i want to be loved but don't trust enough to make it succeed. hope this might help but i don't know. i can help fix anyones problems except my own. maybe i don't have problems lol yeah right. but good luck and try to get your wife help without it you are fighting a losing battle i'm afraid