Recommened reading... books?

[iam1butterfly]

Jaquta or anyone else...
Are there any books on BPD that you would recommend?
Thanks, in advance... " i "

[Jaquta]

Hi i

A lot depends on the sort of information you're after.

Is this to help you understand your ex better or ...?

I personally like the clinical texts.
I like/ liked John Gunderson's, Borderline Personality Disorder: A clinical Guide.
(I say liked past tense because I haven't looked at any book in a while.  I think this was needed in order for me to move forward.  This is similar to the 'word' problem where I need to know everything in order to understand and to understand me.  It is very black and white and unhealthy.  I also needed space so that I wasn't re-traumatizing myself all the time.  A label can be very traumatizing for one seeking to be all good.  Knowledge builds a good base to work from though).

Back to the book.  I gave this book to my GP to read and I think it helped him to understand my behavior better.  I think it was pivotal in his becoming less judgmental and accepting that my behavior was not necessarily me but driven by my medical condition.  He learned not to become frustrated and to take my anger personally.

I also have another book.  Tranference-focused-psychotherapy for borderline personality disorder.  Written by Otto Kernberg et al.  Or something like that.  It is a bit heavy but it kind of outlines treatment, etc.  There is also a primer to that which provides less detail.  It depends on how serious you are about obtaining information.

Marsha Linehan, a supposed leader in bpd, has several books.  Some people really like her work.  (I'm not one of those people.  I find her work invalidating.  Or maybe it hits too close too home??)
I can't remember the title of her book.  Something like, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for the Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder.
She also has a skills training manual which has some really good skills in it.
Skills training manual for Borderline Personality Disorder.  I'm guessing at these titles I just can't remember there correct title offhand.
The dbt skills can be accessed via the internet too.  I don't have an address though.
You could try searching either dbt or dialectical behavior therapy or even Marsha Linehan herself.

There are other books that people find helpful.  You could try searching borderline personality disorder at your local library.  Some titles include:
Lost in the mirror
Sometimes I act crazy
I hate you don't leave me

Again, I'm not 100% certain of the titles.

There is a dvd called, Back from the edge.  It has personal accounts of several people with bpd.  It also features some renown experts on bpd.

A.J. Mahari also has some interesting insights into bpd.  She claims to be a recovered 'borderline'.  She has on-line lists for just about anyone with an interest in bpd.  There are lists for 'nons', a term given to those who don't have bpd.

My therapist also suggested I read a book called, Dibs: In search of self.  It was different, but interesting.  It provided some insight into psychoanalysis.

I hope this was of some use.  If any of it needs clarifying feel feel to ask.

J

[freebird227]

I  read your response to iam1butterfly and I jotted a couple of names you threw out. I 'm A avid readed and I love research.I put down the self help books a while back (not that I wouldn't read another one) but it would have to really good.. But really all I wanted to say was thanks....freebird227

[Pippi524]

Get Me Out Of Here by Rachel Reiland is an really good book on BPD and her recovery from it.  It is a big book but I read it in two days because I could not put it down.  I felt a really strong connection with her and what she was going through and the way she acted.  And it was nice to see someone actually get the right kind of help for BPD and recover from it.

[iam1butterfly]

thanks for the input and suggestion...
I'm still researching this subject, BPD. So, I'm developing an impressive list of promising reading material. I've also found the profound testimonials and  poignant commentaries on YouTube to be quite benificial; in addition to the insightful exchanges that I've both read and participated in here, on this extraordinary site.
I only wish that I could share all of what I am learning with my BPD ex-boyfriend... perhaps, that'll happen someday!

[Jaquta]

Dear "I"

You said your ex was intelligent.  Do you think if you left some material for him to read ...that he would?
I don't like asking for stuff, but if it is given, it is much easier to receive.
It sometimes takes a long time to come to grips with what is being said.  Sometimes it hits a little too close to home (especially in the earlier phases of recovery).

Dear Pippi

I was wondering if that book was made into a film.
There are two names that I see quite frequently associated with bpd and individual recovery.  One is A.J. Mahari, the other is Rachel ??
I saw this film a while back.  I think the person started to recover after she found her friend dead.  Before that she spent time in a psych facility.
Perhaps it is the same person??  These people have written books and e-books about how they overcame bpd.

Dear Firebird

I like clinical texts (because they appeal to the rational/ black and white part of my personality), but I also really enjoy teaching stories.
I've seen things quoted from Anthony De Mello and I think they're really good.
That was my round about way of saying that I think self-help books do have an important part to play.
Life is a process though and we change and our likes and dislikes change.  And what works for one may not work for (or inspire) another.  

J

[iam1butterfly]

Yes,
My "ex" is extremely intelligent and he loves to read.
I like the idea of leaving some reading material for him... so, would he read it?
yes, most likey he would... in fact, he'd probably pick apart every little word and detail, which is not a bad thing.  But, unless it's the Bible or some text that deals with NLP (neurolinguistic programing) he'd be inclined to doubt and question anything that's in writing. He's rather distrustful of the printed word.
But, I'll give your idea a try.
Thanks for the suggestion

" I "

[Pippi524]

It is possible that it could be the same person.  But in the book it does not mention anything about finding her friend dead.  She did spend some time in the psych hospital on a few different occasions and through that found her doctor that was able to help her.  But the book showed the different things BPD's go through such as pushing their therapist away and then freaking out that they might leave which is a big thing I do.  I really felt like everything I read in that book was just like me which made me feel a little more hopeful.

[Jaquta]

Hi "I"

If your ex was applying material from the Bible and NLP I would expect him to be less 'stuck' (for want of a better word).
NLP, I think, in many respects is a lot like CBT.
I don't think, NLP (or the Bible) is necessarily the solution to overcoming bpd.

Hi Pippi

That is definitely a behavior frequently seen in individuals with bpd.  My understanding is that it is an abandonment/ engulfment issue.
I think reading stuff that resonates with us and aspects of our own life helps normalize things.

Sorry for adding both responses here.  Our computer is painfully slow.

J

[jo723]

I am reading - "stop walking on eggshells - how to take your life back when someone you love has BPD"  I don't habe the authors name at the moment, but if you google it, it will come up. so far, it is interesting.  I am new to all this so I haven't had time to see if any of the book is helpful!  Sorry!!

[iam1butterfly]

hi jo723,
I strongly recommend "Stop Walking on Egggshells," by Paul T. Mason & Randi Kreger
as I'm currently reading it myself. Another good book for the nonBP is "Breaking Free
from Boomerang Love," by Lynn Melville. But, that book is more for the nonBP who
is about to leave or has already exited a realtionship with a BP partner.  
"Boomerang Love" has helpful insights in asissting the nonBP to "let go" should one find the need to do so. Personally, I'm not prepared to give up on my BPD ex-boyfriend.....
I still hold immense hope for him; and my arms are stretched out and ready to hold him.

[Jaquta]

Hi "I"
That's a really cool title for a book -boomerang love.
I think some people with bpd have this way of eliciting care, concern and nurturing from some people.  Other people with bpd just evoke anger and hatred.  It all depends on how one presents I guess.

Hi Jo

There are tons of books out there -you just need to be able to find them.
In our library we have one book on bpd.  Lots on depression, bipolar and schizophrenia.
People just need to find the one/s that appeal to them.

I'm going through a phase where I'm not reading much about bpd.  I think I've had too for my own sanity.  I think educating oneself is good, but becoming too obsessed about it -not such a good thing.
I did this with ect too.  I was threatened with ect, but not given it.  I read everything I could about the subject, including lobotomies and photos of the procedure.
While it was something I needed to do I think it affected me on a much deeper level than it needed to have.

I hope you find the book helpful.  Sometimes just talking to the person is the most helpful thing of all.  Most people don't object talking about themselves too much.  Just be wary of boundaries though, because some people do.

It's great to see people sharing their experiences here.

J  

[debrody]

Hi,
Rachel Reiland's "Get me out of here" is good.  But if you haven't read anything on BPD yet I recommend either, "I hate you, don't leave me" or "Walking on eggshells."  

[TheJoker]

I hate you, dont leave me: understanding the borgerline personality. thats a good book to read about the disorder.