Most times I feel like my first son isn't mine. I had post traumatic stress disorder when he was born that went undiagnosed. In hindsight I can see it now when my family mentions it.
But my relationship with him hasn't been so deteriorated since his birth. I didn't used to feel this way. At least I don't remember.
I wonder if it's the borderline, that has been making me feel so distant or if it's something else. I have love for him. But most times I don't feel as if I love him. And of course that makes me feel guilty and horrible. And I try really really hard to connect to him but I just can't.
My question is, does it sound like BPD? And can therapy to 'cure' bpd restore destroyed relationships?
Hi there. I think there's a few issues here to address and each is serious in it's own right. I have not had PTSD but I am a 54 year old diagnosed BPD (lifelong). Borderline alone very often makes us feel very distant, even if we are not and other people don't see it. Also you have to bare in mind borderliners are their own worst and most harsh taskmasters, we are very hard on ourselves hunny. It must have been extremely difficult for you to deal with, having PTSD around the time of you son's birth. This coupled with BPD makes for a doubley difficult time. I find borderline makes me very distant if I don't intercept my every thought, I'm working on this all of the time but it has to be 'learn't', it does not come natural hunny. In my opnion, and I'm NOT a Dr. or professional, you could well be BPD. There are many known symptoms of BPD, some being very common even in folk without BPD, you need to look into this a bit more. You are born with BPD and it cannot be 'cured'. However in saying that, with the correct help, meds and therapy it can be 'managed' a great deal and people can lead happy and fullfilling lives. I would urge you to seek help starting with your GP, who hopefully will refer you to a Psych Dept. I wish you well and do come back and let us know how things are going. HUGS. XX
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