Borderline Personality Disorder Community
Repairs with my daughter
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to anger, anxiety, caregiver support, depression, emotions, fears, living with BPD, relationships, and violence.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

Repairs with my daughter

I was a severely abused child raised by two BPD parents. At sixteen I was made a ward of the court removed from my home to live in a halfway house.  I spent years in therapy and have done remarkably well according to myself and my therapists. I am now a somatic psychologist.

As I was warned I would do I married my father (figuratively) We had my daughter when I was 21 and split when I she was 2. I suspect my ex, her father was also BPD at the very least he had extreme anger issues. I had major suicidal issues with several attempts coming very close to succeeding a couple of times. My daughter lived through my crazy years. She went to live with her father at 12 and came back to live with me at 18 when her brother was born.  They are 18 years apart. I moved out of town when she was 12 to work and to work on myself. We remained close over the phone and extended visits over the holidays.   My daughter has had extreme anger issues since she was small. They have not improved as an adult. She is venomous when she gets angry and get into fights.  The main reason she lived with her father was because i couldn't control her. I knew it would be worse as she got older, and it was.  I got to be her confidant. She shares things she would never share with her father. I don't fight with my daughter. i remain fairly calm and supportive or remove myself from the situation as needed. I never treat her the way she treats me.  

I split up with my son's father as well (he abandoned us) and raised my son alone until he was15. He got a scholarship to a school where my daughter lives and has been living with her for the past 2 years to attend school. He is a typical pain in the *** teenager but pretty balanced. I was a different person when raising him. My daughter is extremely jealous of him. He is focused on school and tennis, he is sociable but not a party boy.

My daughter had many of the same opportunities but quit everything or got in trouble for fighting. She has been arrested, been to jail. She has created dangerous and dramatic situations in her life and lives a "Ghetto" lifestyle even thought she has never lived in the "Ghetto" she comes from a middle class background. Her choices for friends are mostly from underprivileged and unsavory backgrounds. She likes to save people.

My daughter is now attacking me and my 90 yr old mother. One day we are all fine, the next we are dead to her and she never wants to speak to us again. She has 2 children of her own now. 13 and 3.  The father of the 13yr old abandoned them when my granddaughter was 2 she has attached to my daughter's current boyfriend of 4 yrs.
The new boyfriend is from the "Ghetto" and tolerates my daughters abuse because she owns everything and he owns nothing.

My daughter is often verbally abusive to her children and her partner over little and big things but her anger is over the top no matter what. She humiliates her daughter posting their spats on Facebook. She says absolutely horrible things to whomever she is angry at in a fully equipped foul Ghetto mouth.

I realize she must be angry about things from her childhood. I am willing to help her work with them i just don't know how to approach her nor how to guide her when she is so angry with me.  Last Friday we were cool, today she hates me.
I love her and I want to help her and I don't want to loose her. I am worried about my grandchildren. I am wounded by her words. I can imagine how they feel.

She is blaming me, I feel responsible. Trying to figure out how to reach positive outcomes.
...and of course this is bringing up my stuff, but I am doing surprisingly well..for now.

Any advise appreciated.    
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Borderline Personality Disorder Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
New Cannabis Article from NORTH Mag...
Jul 20 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
3 Reasons Why You are Still Binge E...
Jul 14 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating: What Your Closet ...
Jul 09 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Personality Disorder Answerers
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
remar
st. louis, MO